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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to keep our lights up despite neighbour complaining?

537 replies

AutumnLighting · Yesterday 22:51

We moved into our house just before Christmas last year. We are one of 6 houses on a lane in an u shape and our house is directly opposite one of the other houses. All of the houses are set back so we are not close to the houses opposite.

When we moved in last year, we put up lights on our house and in two of our trees at the front of our house as well as 2 nutcrackers and a Christmas wreath on the door. Nothing garish, just white lights. Every time we saw the neighbours opposite they would comment on the lights and decorations. They said things like that’s is a lot of lights, did you leave any in the shop for anyone else, we certainly can’t miss you etc. We took the lights down in January.

This is now our first autumn in the house and my husband has put up some lights along the front of the house, a garland around the front door and a wreath on the door. We went out for the evening and have come home to a note from the neighbour opposite which said she doesn’t like the lights, none of the past neighbours have ever put them up and that the lights will give her migraines like the ones we put up at Christmas did. She would like us to remove the lights.

How do we respond to this? My husband thinks we just ignore it but I said she will talk to us when we see her if we don’t go over and talk to her about it. He said he’ll tell her not to look at the lights. What would you say? We obviously plan to put the lights up for Christmas again this year so that isn’t going to go down well either.

We know she has moaned about other things to some of the other neighbours like their grandchildren playing outside on their bikes so she seems to be a moaner.

OP posts:
ickky · Today 10:25

AutumnLighting · Today 09:21

They’ve been back and it went worse than expected. Some people really are nasty fucks.

They said before they talk about the lights, we need to start keeping our cat inside because it’s using their garden as a toilet. We don’t have a cat and told them that. We have never had a cat.

Next was that we need to not drive out of our driveway at night, but reverse due to the headlights. We are allowed to drive out in daytime. Obviously I said no and that they can’t control what we do.

Next it was unknown cars coming to our house when it’s dark. It needs to stop because they’re unable to sleep. The only ‘unknown’ cars that come here are our friends and family, mostly in the daytime. Obviously I said we can have who we like at our house at any time, day or night. We very rarely have any visitors coming and going late at night.

My husband joined us at this point. They have spoken to him before, in English. They heard him ask me if I was ok, in English, when he joined us. My husband is British, born here, but he isn’t white. They asked him if he spoke English. 🤔 He stayed polite and told them that his English was as good as theirs being as he had lived here his whole life.

They said the current lights need to be removed and we can’t have lights at Xmas. My husband asked what the issue was and they said the flashing. My husband said the current lights that are up do not flash and there is no flash option. The called him a liar. He invited them to come and look at them in the garage to prove it to them but they refused. My husband said that we will make sure the lights at Xmas (which are warm white for those asking) will be on the static setting. They said no, we need to not have them at all. My husband said we will have the lights on our house because it is our house. The man then called my husband a fucking <racial slur> and told him to ‘go home’. My husband said would you like the opportunity to apologise for your racist comments and they said no and walked off. This is all captured on camera.

Our son thinks we should go to the police but my husband said just leave it and unfortunately he has dealt with worse racism, which I know he has as I’ve been with him when he has received it. I’m really fucking angry. He’s quiet.

We have spoken to the couple next door as they text when they heard the neighbours shouting at us, to ask if we were ok. I’ve explained what has happened which was awkward as they are both British but from the same heritage as my husband. This couple have actually done a few jobs to help the racist couple out but said they won’t be doing that again. They are also going to tell the couple next to them about the racism as they are also non white although different heritage.

They are racist bastards and we won’t be talking to them again. So that’s us and at least 2, possibly 3 sets of neighbours who don’t like them because of their moaning and now racist comments.

I’ve asked my husband to please consider reporting this with the footage we have. Our children are also not white and I feel it’s important to show them that we will not accept this for them even if my husband can brush it aside.

We have joked that we’ll be having our lights on the fastest flashing setting we can find this Christmas. Our next door neighbours have said they’ll put lights up from now on. I don’t know if they will but it was nice of them to show their support.

You shouldn't have to put up with that, report to the police.

After all that, I think you need to go full Griswold at Christmas.

CatLady199 · Today 10:25

SurferRona · Today 10:18

WTAF are ‘autumn lights’?😂 I bet you post on fiendbook when the red cups come in at Costa and it’s Pumpkin Spice Time 😁. What is wrong with you OP? 🤦‍♀️Can’t you fill that need with other more useful things?

If your drive needs lights, you can get low placed individual spiked lights, solar powered.

Seriously though, two things: 1. Do read the room of your new neighbourhood and have some respect for others and 2. We’ve just had the hottest summer ever, drought, and an horrific melting glacier killing hundreds in Nepal/ Tibet. Do you really think use of energy for you ‘autumn lights’ are considerate in our climate crisis? See my point about solar powered low level useful lights. They do give a nice glow.

Someone didn't read the update😡 Catch up before spouting rubbish will you!!

worldshottestmom · Today 10:25

justasking111 · Today 09:54

Six properties in a cul de sac. If they've lived there a long time and other properties have changed hands so they've lost old neighbours. I think I see the problem. We've a neighbour who've lived in our cul de sac for a couple of decades at least. A lot of the original owners have died. Now we get on okay with them, but the wife gets very agitated by anything that the newbies do to their homes. It's a bit bizarre. But they really miss the good ol' days. Husband has had a stroke which is bloody hard for her. A couple of neighbours have been helping them out.

The racism thing is part of the changes they're obsessed with. The lights, a wandering cat more signs of a mental issue.

A lady in the bungalow well below us asked us to stop playing the piano at midnight. We don't have a piano . But she could hear it and was very distressed.

I used to live in flats and lived above a very elderly woman. A few times she came banging on my door between 2am-4am screaming at me to turn the washing machine off and that she could hear what I was saying about her and was going to have our other neighbour shoot me.

All a load of nonsense, of course. This is why you don't pander to controlling, unhinged neighbours.

Scout2016 · Today 10:25

I think you should report it so it is logged OP. Hopefully that will be the end of it but just in case there is more you would benefit from a log.

I'm sorry you have had this horrible experience OP, and in your home too. Feeling on guard where you should be safe and relaxed is awful but it's great you have the support of other neighbours.

CatLady199 · Today 10:26

I wonder if those who voted unreasonable still think this after the update? 😲😡

worldshottestmom · Today 10:26

SurferRona · Today 10:18

WTAF are ‘autumn lights’?😂 I bet you post on fiendbook when the red cups come in at Costa and it’s Pumpkin Spice Time 😁. What is wrong with you OP? 🤦‍♀️Can’t you fill that need with other more useful things?

If your drive needs lights, you can get low placed individual spiked lights, solar powered.

Seriously though, two things: 1. Do read the room of your new neighbourhood and have some respect for others and 2. We’ve just had the hottest summer ever, drought, and an horrific melting glacier killing hundreds in Nepal/ Tibet. Do you really think use of energy for you ‘autumn lights’ are considerate in our climate crisis? See my point about solar powered low level useful lights. They do give a nice glow.

Posting before reading updates is one way to embarass yourself, I guess

LakieLady · Today 10:28

calflions · Yesterday 23:52

I think it's wasteful of energy that is scarce and expensive enough, bad for nature, bad for your own health and groundedness in the real natural environment. It causes loads of plastic shite to be manufactured, and it is anti social to have lights outside your house all the time and into the evening.

And it just shows you've swallowed a load of marketing bollocks about buying new stuff all the time to decorate with, which is a transparently obvious manoeuvre of late capitalism and makes you look a bit of a dumbass for falling for it, tbh. I would judge you heavily.

We have one culturally accepted shared winter festival in December already, when lights are OK. Go for your life then!

It's like as if you are letting off fireworks randomly every night and expecting people and wildlife to deal with bangs and pops. Or if you're playing audible music all the time and just saying oh well we like the sound of it to come home to.

There's a social contract about not making yourself obtrusive and annoying to neighbours. Just have stuff INSIDE your house. You don't have the right to impose your thoughtless crap on everyone else.

Bloody love this post, @calflions .

People wanting to waste their money on pointless tat is bad enough, but wasting it on pointless tat that impacts their neighbours is really anti-social.

I bet there are whole teams of "creatives", dreaming up new forms of annoying and environmentally damaging crap for people to waste their money on and suckers like the OP have really fallen for it.

Friendlygingercat · Today 10:29

The only good neighbour is a dead one.

AlinaRawlings · Today 10:29

AutumnLighting · Yesterday 22:51

We moved into our house just before Christmas last year. We are one of 6 houses on a lane in an u shape and our house is directly opposite one of the other houses. All of the houses are set back so we are not close to the houses opposite.

When we moved in last year, we put up lights on our house and in two of our trees at the front of our house as well as 2 nutcrackers and a Christmas wreath on the door. Nothing garish, just white lights. Every time we saw the neighbours opposite they would comment on the lights and decorations. They said things like that’s is a lot of lights, did you leave any in the shop for anyone else, we certainly can’t miss you etc. We took the lights down in January.

This is now our first autumn in the house and my husband has put up some lights along the front of the house, a garland around the front door and a wreath on the door. We went out for the evening and have come home to a note from the neighbour opposite which said she doesn’t like the lights, none of the past neighbours have ever put them up and that the lights will give her migraines like the ones we put up at Christmas did. She would like us to remove the lights.

How do we respond to this? My husband thinks we just ignore it but I said she will talk to us when we see her if we don’t go over and talk to her about it. He said he’ll tell her not to look at the lights. What would you say? We obviously plan to put the lights up for Christmas again this year so that isn’t going to go down well either.

We know she has moaned about other things to some of the other neighbours like their grandchildren playing outside on their bikes so she seems to be a moaner.

Can we see a picture of said Christmas decorations? Because some ppl have god awful taste and their houses look ridiculous 🤣. That being said it’s your house and you should do what you want. In fact I’m that petty if put even more up!

justasking111 · Today 10:30

I don't think a police visit would put a stop to this but it's worth a try I guess. As someone else said it can affect a house sale, but if you're planning on staying they'll possibly be gone before you.

jackstini · Today 10:31

I agree with PPs - you absolutely have to report this to the police - for your husband's, kids' and other neighbours' sakes

They are batshit crazy racists and they need someone in authority to tell them they are being completely unacceptable

So sorry you had to go through that this morning

UncannyFanny · Today 10:31

AutumnLighting · Today 09:21

They’ve been back and it went worse than expected. Some people really are nasty fucks.

They said before they talk about the lights, we need to start keeping our cat inside because it’s using their garden as a toilet. We don’t have a cat and told them that. We have never had a cat.

Next was that we need to not drive out of our driveway at night, but reverse due to the headlights. We are allowed to drive out in daytime. Obviously I said no and that they can’t control what we do.

Next it was unknown cars coming to our house when it’s dark. It needs to stop because they’re unable to sleep. The only ‘unknown’ cars that come here are our friends and family, mostly in the daytime. Obviously I said we can have who we like at our house at any time, day or night. We very rarely have any visitors coming and going late at night.

My husband joined us at this point. They have spoken to him before, in English. They heard him ask me if I was ok, in English, when he joined us. My husband is British, born here, but he isn’t white. They asked him if he spoke English. 🤔 He stayed polite and told them that his English was as good as theirs being as he had lived here his whole life.

They said the current lights need to be removed and we can’t have lights at Xmas. My husband asked what the issue was and they said the flashing. My husband said the current lights that are up do not flash and there is no flash option. The called him a liar. He invited them to come and look at them in the garage to prove it to them but they refused. My husband said that we will make sure the lights at Xmas (which are warm white for those asking) will be on the static setting. They said no, we need to not have them at all. My husband said we will have the lights on our house because it is our house. The man then called my husband a fucking <racial slur> and told him to ‘go home’. My husband said would you like the opportunity to apologise for your racist comments and they said no and walked off. This is all captured on camera.

Our son thinks we should go to the police but my husband said just leave it and unfortunately he has dealt with worse racism, which I know he has as I’ve been with him when he has received it. I’m really fucking angry. He’s quiet.

We have spoken to the couple next door as they text when they heard the neighbours shouting at us, to ask if we were ok. I’ve explained what has happened which was awkward as they are both British but from the same heritage as my husband. This couple have actually done a few jobs to help the racist couple out but said they won’t be doing that again. They are also going to tell the couple next to them about the racism as they are also non white although different heritage.

They are racist bastards and we won’t be talking to them again. So that’s us and at least 2, possibly 3 sets of neighbours who don’t like them because of their moaning and now racist comments.

I’ve asked my husband to please consider reporting this with the footage we have. Our children are also not white and I feel it’s important to show them that we will not accept this for them even if my husband can brush it aside.

We have joked that we’ll be having our lights on the fastest flashing setting we can find this Christmas. Our next door neighbours have said they’ll put lights up from now on. I don’t know if they will but it was nice of them to show their support.

Definitely report this to the police and give them the evidence. Now you know what’s really behind this. It’s nothing to do with the lights. It’s because they are racist. Please, please report them. And put more lights up.

LlynTegid · Today 10:31

I am with the neighbour on this one. At least until the beginning of December. Especially as it has been personal contact and conversation, not messages on social media or letters through the door box.

It is still summer, the cricket season has not ended, and what is being asked is reasonable, migraines or not.

SometimesMaybeNot · Today 10:31

LakieLady · Today 10:28

Bloody love this post, @calflions .

People wanting to waste their money on pointless tat is bad enough, but wasting it on pointless tat that impacts their neighbours is really anti-social.

I bet there are whole teams of "creatives", dreaming up new forms of annoying and environmentally damaging crap for people to waste their money on and suckers like the OP have really fallen for it.

Racism is anti social you could say, amongst other things.

SometimesMaybeNot · Today 10:32

LlynTegid · Today 10:31

I am with the neighbour on this one. At least until the beginning of December. Especially as it has been personal contact and conversation, not messages on social media or letters through the door box.

It is still summer, the cricket season has not ended, and what is being asked is reasonable, migraines or not.

You’re racist too? At least you’re honest I suppose.

Soontobe60 · Today 10:32

Excessive decorative outdoor lighting is
Tacky
Dangerous (overloading circuits)
expensive (electricity costs)
environmentally very bad (lots of un-recyclable materials used, unnecessary use of energy)
Harmful to wildlife (upsets their circadian cycle)
tacky
Tacky…

Overwhelmedandtired · Today 10:33

Please go to the Police. Even if it is a only a warning to them for now. As you said, there are kids involved. And other families in the immediate vicinity. Your lights sound simple and inoffensive, however your neighbours are obviously completely unreasonable racists. I can't see them leaving it now, given you (completely rightly) intend to keep the lights up, and other neighbours getting some too, so from their point of view is likely to be taken as escalation. As you have video proof of this one, please report. At least they would hopefully be mindful to not repeat their actions in public when they know there are cameras around, and assuming they don't change their minds, at least keep their vile thoughts to themselves. I can't see this being a one and done attack on your husband without police involvement

SometimesMaybeNot · Today 10:33

Friendlygingercat · Today 10:29

The only good neighbour is a dead one.

Fingers crossed.

justasking111 · Today 10:33

Home bargains had wreaths, garlands fake trees in pots last week all very pretty and autumnal. In my mind autumn begins on 22nd September, but I'm old fashioned. 😁

LlynTegid · Today 10:34

SometimesMaybeNot · Today 10:32

You’re racist too? At least you’re honest I suppose.

I don't agree with all the other behaviour one bit, just waiting for lights until December.

Sorry for not making that clear, and if the other behaviour is reported to the police, this would have my 100% support.

Overwhelmedandtired · Today 10:34

LlynTegid · Today 10:31

I am with the neighbour on this one. At least until the beginning of December. Especially as it has been personal contact and conversation, not messages on social media or letters through the door box.

It is still summer, the cricket season has not ended, and what is being asked is reasonable, migraines or not.

Please read the update, its not been a conversation, it has been a vile, racist attack on them for a number of things (most they aren't even involved in)

Footloosenotfancy · Today 10:36

We have warm white, solar fairy lights all year round, they don't flash. In our village there's a few others, we've had a few compliments, no one bats an eyelid.
I do wonder about MN sometimes.

SometimesMaybeNot · Today 10:37

Overwhelmedandtired · Today 10:34

Please read the update, its not been a conversation, it has been a vile, racist attack on them for a number of things (most they aren't even involved in)

It seems they had read the update and still chose to write that as they later wrote:

I don't agree with all the other behaviour one bit, just waiting for lights until December.
Sorry for not making that clear, and if the other behaviour is reported to the police, this would have my 100% support.

Imagine having read OPs update and just ignoring it and writing about how you’re with the neighbour on this. Unbelievable.

CovenOfCheeses · Today 10:37

so you think it is OK to move into an area and impose your taste upon everyone else and spoil the neighbourhood? I bet everyone loves you when the house prices decrease. If you live on a council estate it is even worse as people have little choice in their neighbours and many people have to rub together without you imposing your rather ugly displays on your street.

In an era of climate change where really superfluous use of electricity to satisfy your garish tastes and to impose your climate destruction as well as tasteless displays on your neighbours is supremely selfish. I don’t understand why you would want to do it? Why not do a throwing litter in your neighbourhood for charity instead? It is just the same but will at least benefit a charity.

malefields · Today 10:38

AutumnLighting · Today 07:51

They have already been to my house this morning at just past 7am! Who does that? We were still in bed so didn’t answer but spoke through the ring doorbell. I asked if everything was ok and her husband said no, we need to talk about the lights. I told them they need to come back later at a normal time. They stood at our door for 15 minutes and eventually left. I think they might actually be mad. We’ve had a good laugh about it but what the fuck?!

What a set of weirdos, I think you just got very unlucky.

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