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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to keep our lights up despite neighbour complaining?

367 replies

AutumnLighting · Yesterday 22:51

We moved into our house just before Christmas last year. We are one of 6 houses on a lane in an u shape and our house is directly opposite one of the other houses. All of the houses are set back so we are not close to the houses opposite.

When we moved in last year, we put up lights on our house and in two of our trees at the front of our house as well as 2 nutcrackers and a Christmas wreath on the door. Nothing garish, just white lights. Every time we saw the neighbours opposite they would comment on the lights and decorations. They said things like that’s is a lot of lights, did you leave any in the shop for anyone else, we certainly can’t miss you etc. We took the lights down in January.

This is now our first autumn in the house and my husband has put up some lights along the front of the house, a garland around the front door and a wreath on the door. We went out for the evening and have come home to a note from the neighbour opposite which said she doesn’t like the lights, none of the past neighbours have ever put them up and that the lights will give her migraines like the ones we put up at Christmas did. She would like us to remove the lights.

How do we respond to this? My husband thinks we just ignore it but I said she will talk to us when we see her if we don’t go over and talk to her about it. He said he’ll tell her not to look at the lights. What would you say? We obviously plan to put the lights up for Christmas again this year so that isn’t going to go down well either.

We know she has moaned about other things to some of the other neighbours like their grandchildren playing outside on their bikes so she seems to be a moaner.

OP posts:
NeverKnowinglyUnderstated · Today 08:27

Marellain · Today 08:16

I am aghast at how insensitive you are being. You are causing distress to another human being, willingly, and now laughing at their distress… all for what?!

lights outside your house?! Astonishingly self indulgent. Horrible behaviour.

You'll snap those pearls, clutching them as hard as that!!!

sittingonabeach · Today 08:29

How long are you keeping these lights up for? How long are the Christmas lights up for?

worldshottestmom · Today 08:29

Marellain · Today 08:16

I am aghast at how insensitive you are being. You are causing distress to another human being, willingly, and now laughing at their distress… all for what?!

lights outside your house?! Astonishingly self indulgent. Horrible behaviour.

Have you ever considered getting a grip?

Marellain · Today 08:29

Mumtotornadoes · Today 08:23

They're causing distress to themselves by thinking they have a right to tell OP what they can do with their own house.

People are Allowed to annoy you. It's a really important thing people need to get to grips with. The people around you are allowed to be annoying and that's just a part of living in society. And also realising you're probably annoying other people too. And have a bit of humility.

People can smoke, play music, talk loudly, have lights on, drive their cars, ride their bikes, buy trampolines for their kids even break rules like use their hosepipe or have friends over during COVID and it's not up to you to control them.

And the more frequently Entitled selfish people egg each other on to ignore community mindedness and indulge their whims at the expense of others, the more mental health plummets and society fails and fragments, trust is loss and people wonder where aimiability has gone in their world.

SourCabbage · Today 08:29

CruelsummerTS · Today 08:19

I agree with this. So long as you’re not breaking any laws or housing rules then I’d ignore them. Obv don’t go mad and have flashing or blue colour lights on until the early hours but a few hours of twinkly lights in the evening as the cold dark nights draw in sounds nice.
If you let them dictate this they’ll expect to have their opinion listened to on your windows, curtains, driveway, fence, bins, plants etc. next! They sound like entitled moaners.

Edited

It's not illegal to have flashing or blue coloured lights on until the early hours, either. All LED lights glare and are bad for wildlife as well as humans. Her neighbours are not unreasonable to expect darkness OUTSIDE when it's dark. Read up on the effects of light pollution.

CatLady199 · Today 08:30

Don't give in to her. Once you do,she will complain about something else. She needs thicker curtains if she's moaning about them.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstated · Today 08:30

There are some really dramatic people on this thread, it's not like the op is talking about searchlights and giant flashing inflatables!! It's a few lights that she turns off at night, in her own home and garden.

luckylavender · Today 08:30

GirlFaeMars · Today 04:29

She can shut her curtains.

Curtains don't shut out those lights, Trust me

garlictwist · Today 08:32

Regardless of your neighbours, permanent outdoor lights are bad for light pollution and disturb nocturnal wildlife. If you must have them, can you just limit them to Christmas?

BeethovenNinth · Today 08:32

Out neighbours at the back have decorated their entire house with coloured lights that flash - all year round. It’s bloody annoying and I can see it from the entire back of my house.

they are lovely people and I have not complained but it’s bloody awful.

honestly - just don’t!

Friendlygingercat · Today 08:34

I would ignore the note and make her come to me and explain herself. If it gives her a migraine she can get some blackout blinds for the front window.

I have no strong feelings about people decorating their houses. I live in a diverse area where Asian weddings can mean lots of flashing lights and drumming for several days at a time. They also love to decorate their houses with flashing lights over christmas too. Each to their own.

CoffeeCantata · Today 08:34

Oh God, OP - switch them off until Christmas. There's way too much artificial light around these days.

Are you in the countryside? If so, please, please consider wildlife. We live in a suburban area and used to have foxes, badgers, muntjac deer etc in our garden at dusk until new neighbours arrived and created the Blackpool Illuminations next door, which stay on all night and reach far beyond their garden.

It also stops people seeing the night sky - and I enjoy looking at the meteor showers, such as the Perseids, in August.

If you're in a town I suppose it's just the neighbours you'll annoy, but if you're more rural, please remember that you chose to move to the countryside and don't spoil it for wildlife or your neighbours.

GoodkneeBadKnee · Today 08:35

Sereine · Today 08:16

Autumn decorations and lights are another commercial fad. Why mess up the environment and local animal life, and cause harm to your neighbours? If you must celebrate autumn, stick to an unlit wreath on the door.

Wildlife will be fine. The environment will be fine. The neighbour will be fine.

Charlottian · Today 08:36

luckylavender · Today 08:30

Curtains don't shut out those lights, Trust me

From across the street? When the houses are set back from the road? Are you OP’s neighbour?

@AutumnLighting I can’t believe they knocked on your door so early. This thread is astounding. You’ve really touched a nerve.
Hope it resolves for you one way or another and you don’t have any more complaints x

Girlwithavibe · Today 08:36

My neighbour has a spot line on top.of.his garage and it's annoying it literally wakes me up shining throu bedroom !!!
Actually I might pop a note throu his door and see if he can adjust it so it's not directing pointing at my house !!!

GoodkneeBadKnee · Today 08:36

BeethovenNinth · Today 08:32

Out neighbours at the back have decorated their entire house with coloured lights that flash - all year round. It’s bloody annoying and I can see it from the entire back of my house.

they are lovely people and I have not complained but it’s bloody awful.

honestly - just don’t!

Irrelevant. That's not what the OP has on her house.

CoffeeCantata · Today 08:36

BeethovenNinth · Today 08:32

Out neighbours at the back have decorated their entire house with coloured lights that flash - all year round. It’s bloody annoying and I can see it from the entire back of my house.

they are lovely people and I have not complained but it’s bloody awful.

honestly - just don’t!

It's actually dangerous. My husband suffers from Meniere's Disease (rather like constant migraines and balance issues) which are set off by flashing lights. He couldn't cope with flashing lights on a permanent basis - we'd have to move.

Why, oh why do people need this stuff in their lives?

CoffeeCantata · Today 08:37

GoodkneeBadKnee · Today 08:35

Wildlife will be fine. The environment will be fine. The neighbour will be fine.

Arrogant, selfish and ignorant.

CruelsummerTS · Today 08:37

SourCabbage · Today 08:29

It's not illegal to have flashing or blue coloured lights on until the early hours, either. All LED lights glare and are bad for wildlife as well as humans. Her neighbours are not unreasonable to expect darkness OUTSIDE when it's dark. Read up on the effects of light pollution.

So are we presuming that without any fairy lights that OPs road is completely dark?! No lamp posts, security lights etc??
A residential street is rarely pitch black.
And the neighbours are reasonable for expecting total darkness from sunset?! 8pm?!

I’ve no doubt they couldn’t give two hoots about nature or light pollution, this just screams controlling behaviour and “it’s our street so we dictate” on decor etc. As per the OP’s previous post where they’ve moaned to another neighbour about his fence.

Sereine · Today 08:38

GoodkneeBadKnee · Today 08:35

Wildlife will be fine. The environment will be fine. The neighbour will be fine.

Since when was using unnecessary electricity fine for the environment? Nocturnal wildlife certainly doesn't react well to lights being on at times when it would normally be dark. As for the neighbour, it's been explained how LEDs can indeed cause migraines, and you are hardly in a position to know about her health.

FoldItIn · Today 08:39

worldshottestmom · Today 08:25

Thought this comment was a joke at first but jfc

There are some beauties on this thread. It's been amazing 🍿

MassiveOvaryaction · Today 08:39

AutumnLighting · Today 07:51

They have already been to my house this morning at just past 7am! Who does that? We were still in bed so didn’t answer but spoke through the ring doorbell. I asked if everything was ok and her husband said no, we need to talk about the lights. I told them they need to come back later at a normal time. They stood at our door for 15 minutes and eventually left. I think they might actually be mad. We’ve had a good laugh about it but what the fuck?!

Well until this post I was going to say if they're fully visible and the burn your retina bright white lights then maybe they have a point. But actually no, this one proves they're just batshit. Good luck!

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · Today 08:40

Don’t have them flashing but other than that, ignore her.
She can close her curtains.

worldshottestmom · Today 08:40

FoldItIn · Today 08:39

There are some beauties on this thread. It's been amazing 🍿

Honest to God I laughed out loud at "Lights now? Antisocial and awful.", then I realised she wasn't joking.... 😬🫪

backformoreofthesame · Today 08:41

GoodkneeBadKnee · Today 08:35

Wildlife will be fine. The environment will be fine. The neighbour will be fine.

That’s not true - one of the causes of insect and so wildlife decline is artificial night lights

and if you ever sleep with full black out blinds you will
know how much better humans sleep in the dark

and it’s clearly anti social- and your lights pollute their home - it’s not something you can keep inside your boundary

best to keep lights inside your home

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