AIBU to let my grandson stay on the swing

[GrannyMW50]

While I'm looking after my grandson (2 &1/2), it's my job to keep him safe and happy. I do want to teach him social skills (sharing etc)...but also that he's important & he shouldn't necessarily put other people ahead of himself (especially strangers).
So, when at the park, I allow him to stay on the swing even when there are people nearby waiting for a turn.

At a park today, there was a very vocal mother with 2 children. She came along about 1 minute after gs had got on the swing. One of her children got on the other swing while her 2nd child had to wait. She kept saying, very loudly, that other child had to wait until we finished. Until he complained enough that she removed her daughter from the swing to let him on (making her daughter cry). Why would she think it's ok for my gs...a stranger...to be upset by being removed for her children?
There was another (I assume) grandparent that had taken child from her pram to sit & wait right next to the swing for a turn. Why not go on a different activity while waiting? It just feels pushy!

My grandson had waited ages for a turn...but from other areas of the park..& went running over once the swings were free. What rules do other people go by...& do these change with children's ages?

Idk 5-7 mins doesn’t sound that incredibly long. I can kind of see why her immediately coming over and trying to harry your kid off the swing made you keep him on longer. She does sound a bit daft.

I mean it probably is a bit long to expect other children of the age where they like swings to wait - so maybe a you were a bit U. But then I bet this mother would have kept her own kids on for ages if you’d taken yours off!

It’s ages since mine were that little so I’m struggling to remember what I would do!

Isn't your first time at the rodeo. You're a grandmother, you've already been a mother and raised a child to adulthood, and now you've got the second generation

Dont sit there and say you're overthinking and don't know how to respond.

You knew exactly what you were doing, which was being bloody minded and deliberately leaving him on there.

That's the sort of reasoning my 7 year old would come out with 'now you have asked me to stop I am going to stay on longer just to annoy you'. There wasn't much to overthink, either you took him off or you didn't, it's not complicated.

I'm with the Mum. Your GS was on 1st other child was on 2nd, 3rd child goes on when 1st child (yours) comes off - logically yours would come off first as he went on first, so of course she told her other child it was their turn when yours came off. As long as she didn't tell you you needed to remove them, she did nothing wrong.

If there are children waiting I tell mine 'you have 20 more pushes/swings and then it someone else's turn'. We don't force them to give it up immediately, as per post above, but we do after an interval - teaching children that others needs do not come before theirs, but neither do theirs come before others

Self worth? Give me a break - this is just selfishness.

I thought of that thread too

She said he was on the swing for 6 or seven minutes. That is not fair to other children.
it may not be sharing a toy but it’s the same principle. Sharing time. Thinking of others.

So you were being passive aggressive. Nice trait.

You are being unreasonable and very selfish.

I do want to teach him social skills (sharing etc)...but also that he's important & he shouldn't necessarily put other people ahead of himself (especially strangers).
So, when at the park, I allow him to stay on the swing even when there are people nearby waiting for a turn.

YABU to stay on a swing for 6/7 (ha) minutes when other children are waiting.

You are also teaching your GS to be entitled and really not teaching him social skills although you state you would like to!

You are teaching him that if you/he doesn't like someone - in this case ony their comments - it's OK for you/him to put him first.

You reacted to the comments, let him stay on longer, that was unfair.

I don’t have a child so I sit on the swing myself until I feel like my self esteem is high enough to deign to give the kids a go.

I have been known to be sat with a huge queue of little children waiting when I’ve had a bad day and need validation, if anyone moans then I sit there longer.

I missed going to work last week because the park has been busier with it still being summer holidays but I wasn’t being rushed into giving up my turn up early 😆.

I feel like your enjoying upsetting others and using your Grandchild as a nice cover. A tad bitter of you.

How often do grown ups actually share, though? I would bet that most don't even give to charity on a regular basis. In society, we really only expect children to share. That expectation/teaching disappears by adulthood. Do you share your clothes, makeup, jewellery, perfume, home, Netflix plan, food, mobile phone, laptop, car, money, etc. with strangers?

satire.....lol

Sorry OP, you are being very unreasonable.
I speak from experience, having been a nursery teacher and managed very young children sharing popular equipment and toys......3-4 mins maximum, then let someone else have a turn.

No one likes waiting, but children need to learn patience and how to wait their turn. I can't start loudly complaining because someone else is taking too long at the airport (unless I want to look ridiculous to everyone around me). It's quite entitled to think that you'll get what you want exactly when you want it as long as you loudly voice your frustration.

Not enough adults learned this as children. This is why we have adults throwing tantrums in fast food restaurants and berating NHS workers.

Yes, she hurried one of her children off so that her other child could have a turn because he was becoming impatient and annoying her. Would she have hurried either of her children off if someone else's child was waiting for a turn? We can't say for certain.

i don’t tell mine to come off something or handover something ‘early’ until they’ve finished.
mine will naturally share but won’t be pushed into cutting short because another hasn’t learnt to wait.
mine are respectful, empathetic & kind. Shock horror nobody has fallen out or moaned about it.
i couldn’t stand being pulled away or told to ‘share’. not because I didn’t want to but because if I was enjoying something (not for a long time either) & then it was snatched away or an adult took it for another it made me feel less than & often.
yes children need to be aware of sharing but also shouldn’t be forced to give it up immediately because another hasn’t learnt to wait

That's a pretty ridiculous analogy. Laptop, cars, money etc are personal property.

Swings in a park are public infrastructure designed for everyone. Taking turns on them is more akin to not blocking the best spot in front of a tourist attraction for ages while you take a million selfies, or moving aside to let people past on a path.

My kids usually don’t like others just standing there staring at them waiting so they hop off and go on something else. Their self worth is absolutely fine.

What age do you plan to start teaching swing etiquette / queueing. 28 months? 29 months? 33.5 months? 58 months?

6-7 minutes, when there is a queue is absolutely unreasonable!

Teaching kids to socialise and take turns is important. Telling a child that they have to wait their turn isn't unusual in a park. Saying it loud enough so their child and your child can both hear also isn't unreasonable, it helps to set the expectations for both children. 2-3 minutes sounds more than fair.

You could have taken your grandchild off after 3 minutes and loudly said, there darling, you've had 3 minutes, not it's someone else's turn, I'll set an alarm for 3 minutes so we can all take turns fairly. Then, the mum here's that and everyone is set up for the next turn.

6-7 minutes is hogging a swing, not taking a turn. I'm guessing he's your first grandchild, as nothing else would explain your unreasonableness otherwise. Hopefully you'll learn from this and not end up turning your darling grandchild into an entitled twat of a kid (because that's what comes next if you always do this).

I’m with you OP. I don’t think 5 minutes on a swing is that long tbh especially when you’d only been using it a minute before they turned up wanting a go. I’d just make the kid play on something else until the swing was free! Sounds like a lot of people on here think their kids are important too and don’t have to wait.. so what’s the difference??

No, the point is by giving them just a little more space to work it out themselves what happens is kids tend to naturally want to share, rather than being made to share which makes them want to keep things.

It's about developing genuine willingness to share rather than training them into begrudging enforced sharing.

This has the flip side benefit of helping them understand when they REALLY have a strong feeling that someone is asking for something they don't want to give (e.g. in bullying situations).

If it’s the baby swings with a proper seat, there often isn’t very much you can do at a park with a very small child <18 months so that’s why they’re so popular & why you would wait for one. I’d also tell my child that we had to wait until someone got off, they’re not mind readers at that age.

I’ve always given up the swing (or zip line) after someone has been waiting for a few minutes. I don’t want my child to be a pushover but they also do need to learn how to share. I don’t think it’s really fair to keep your grandson on the swing until he’s finally bored with it.