AIBU to let my grandson stay on the swing

[GrannyMW50]

While I'm looking after my grandson (2 &1/2), it's my job to keep him safe and happy. I do want to teach him social skills (sharing etc)...but also that he's important & he shouldn't necessarily put other people ahead of himself (especially strangers).
So, when at the park, I allow him to stay on the swing even when there are people nearby waiting for a turn.

At a park today, there was a very vocal mother with 2 children. She came along about 1 minute after gs had got on the swing. One of her children got on the other swing while her 2nd child had to wait. She kept saying, very loudly, that other child had to wait until we finished. Until he complained enough that she removed her daughter from the swing to let him on (making her daughter cry). Why would she think it's ok for my gs...a stranger...to be upset by being removed for her children?
There was another (I assume) grandparent that had taken child from her pram to sit & wait right next to the swing for a turn. Why not go on a different activity while waiting? It just feels pushy!

My grandson had waited ages for a turn...but from other areas of the park..& went running over once the swings were free. What rules do other people go by...& do these change with children's ages?

Another post with a very entitled parent/grandparent enabling hogging of pool toys

I've noticed when taking my GC to the park what an excellent job the majority of this generation of parents are doing in teaching children to share and take turns. Recently I saw children queuing up to take short turns on a piece of equipment then getting off when told and joining the queue again. It was so civilised and I thought what a credit they were to their parents.
It seems to be the etiquette now amongst good parents to tell their child it's someone else's turn now and move them along rather than a scramble so the biggest, fastest, oldest children get to dominate.
I'm all for it and in your position would have told GC after a few minutes it was another child's turn.

3 mins if someone is waiting. If I was waiting 5 mins and my little one was getting antsy I would have asked you to let us have a turn tbh. I don’t make comments, I am more direct 😅

Same, thought all parents did this? And grandparents usually seem even more on the ball with the only ten more if someone is waiting. So maybe the reverse guesser is right.

Agree with this.

Everybody knows that the way to deal with this is by having a passive aggressive conversation through the kids.
'you can have a go when this boy has finished' she says.
'We're still having our go aren't we Benedict, you love the swing don't you,' says you.
'everybody gets a turn don't they Jessica, that's how we share' she comments.
'you've been looking forward to swinging all day haven't you Benedict, and you deserve a nice long go just like everyone else' you opine.
'not everyone is as good at sharing as you,' she interjects
Et cetera until the kids get bored and go and play together on the roundabout while the two of you make thinly veiled jibes at each other via the still swinging empty swings. The joy of the playground that is.

OP I’m totally with you on this. Look into Montessori turn taking etc. It’s basically describing what you are doing. Which is, if a kid isn’t ready to share, don’t force them. My husband bends over backwards to get our kids off toys they’re playing with if another kid approaches, and that attitude has definitely underpinned so much of the things he struggles with now - knowing his own feelings, communicating them, being taken advantage of. It’s just swings, but also the micro lessons we teach our kids now underpin their sense of self. We were at an English heritage day, on this really cool rocker wooden things, and he and daughter having the time of their lives on this thing. A couple of kids with rude manners come up to him, “can we have a turn” in gruff voices, “oh of course after you oh please do take it, no we have to share darling”, while our daughter is like, “but I’d only just got that and was having fun??”. Same kids go up to another grandmother and her two kids to try and get theirs too, she says “no thank you, my grandkids are enjoying this; you can have it when wev’ve finished”. I’m with team grandma aaaaaaaall the way. Plenty of other shit to do in a playground. Great Montessori vids on YouTube about this; look them up and don’t ask on here, basically if a kid isn’t ready to do turns don’t force them. Let them come to it when they feel ready. Too tired to explain the ins and outs but when I watched the videos it really challenged my very English fundamental concept of sharing which is basically relinquishing your own feelings to another. I was very like that as a kid, which led into adulthood, and ultimately situations of SA to people in positions of authority. I wish I’d learnt when young how to tell people to fuck off. Again sounds daft when it’s just swings, but these fundamental lessons do shape us. I’m with you all the way. Let your child enjoy them!

@GrannyMW50 But there were other kids waiting as well according to you so not just the vocal mum and her kids? Believe me, you do not have to teach a 2 year old to stand up for himself- it's peak in their development to want everything for themselves at that age. They are the center of the universe why focus should be on learning how to think about others and share.

OP said get DGC would happily stay in the swing for an hour. There are only two swings in that park. Are you genuinely saying that Montessori advocates a child hogging one of only two swings for an hour or more?

Because they want to wait next to the swing to be sure that they get the next turn, there's nothing wrong with that!!

Yer a bit cunty, for sure

Why is 5/6/7 minutes outrageous but 3/4 minutes is acceptable? It’s a 2 minute difference! If your child can wait 4 minutes then what difference is 2 more? They may not like it, but learning to be patient and wait your turn is just as an important lesson for toddlers as learning to share is.

And here we have it..

The little ones have the separate swings with bars across the front. Bigger kids can't usually fit into those. One day the swing will be busy the next the roundabout or springy things busy. I just told my DGC that is busy well do it another time.

A thought on this, again watch those videos I mentioned but you could say something like this to your grandchild, “X, you love these swings! And I’m so glad you have finally got to have a go. There is another child who wants to have a go too, are you ready to get off now so he can also swing and we can come back later, or would you like to have a few more minutes and finish your go?” If he’s ready he’s ready, if he needs a few more mins cause he’s only just got there then go with that. You’re teaching him a) validation, the joy of the swings! b) empathy by pointing out the boy waiting c) self worth and agency, if he’s genuinely not ready cause he’s only just got on them, that is valid, and the mum can let the kid play on other things in the meantime or use the swing she has as she did. X

I let my dd go on for 45 mins if she wants. Her turn is her turn. The next person can take as long as they like.

Self-worth can be measured in kindness and empathy, you know!

Just doing what you want whilst upsetting others breeds arrogance and selfishness

Far too long. When other kids came along I used to do a count down with mine - from twenty pushes, no longer.

Yes! It has to be 😆 🤣

I would have just told her that your GS had only just got onto the swing and he will be having his turn. She probably didn't know how long you guys had been there.
Plus it's also fine for her own children to take turns, they don't always get the chance to go on together, surely mum knows that?

It was a shitty thing to do on your part to keep a child waiting for 6-7 minutes for the swing. The only thing you're teaching your grandchild to do is to be selfish and entitled!

Yes, nothing wrong with being bloody minded when faced with pushy entitled mums eh?
The mum had a swing. Is it the OP's grandson's issue that she didn't want them to share?

If the woman had asked, she'd have kept him on even longer! Passive aggression is clearly her thing!

Hey Saraclara, thanks for your question, I probably wasn’t clear. No, I’m not saying that. I’m saying children shouldn’t be forced into relinquishing a toy etc the moment they have got it if someone else wants it. They should be able to enjoy it themselves first. In a Montessori school or something this will be until play is complete for the child with the toy, but in a shared public playground with people who aren’t of this philosophy this would be ridiculous. So it’s some kind of middle ground. Respecting the child’s go who is in the swing, but at the same time teaching the child who currently has it that someone else is waiting. Are they ready to let them have a go? Etc etc.

Not relevant here but I never wait for swings with my two. We just use something else until a gap opens up which it usually does.

This is an interesting post. Worth looking into.