Do most married couples really pool all money, or keep some separate?

[Namewitheldagain]

Not really an AIBU but interested in what people have to say. I’ve noticed on mumsnet and particularly in a recent thread in which the op lent her dh a significant chunk of money and people were aghast she was expecting him to pay it back, that the consensus seems to be everyone shares all money in a marital pot. Is everyone really doing this?

I am on my second marriage to be fair and my husband is not my children’s father, with no plans to have children of our own. If relevant, he has none of his own. Maybe it’s different because my financial decisions are made with my children’s protection in mind should anything happen to me. My husband is aware and in agreement.

We bought our house each with the same deposit and we have a joint account into which we each pay half of the cost of the mortgage and household bills, subscriptions etc and an extra 400 a month each which is just extra and saved for things like holidays or new furniture / house stuff.

independently of that, we each have our own savings, current account and discretionary spending. I have more in savings and discretionary spending because I earn more. Sure if we want an extra holiday I cover it and I pay for the cleaner because I earn more and I can justify the cost but other than that money is separate and bills split.

We own our house as joint tenants each owning 50% meaning my half is bequeathed to my kids although he will have the right to live in it indefinitely. a life insurance policy would pay off the mortgage. I have c250k in death in service benefit that would be 1/3 his (I have two kids each getting a third) if I died and he’s welcome to what savings I have (not loads but a chunk).

we can’t be the only couple like this can we? We are both very happy with the arrangement. Even when I was married to my kids’ dad this was our arrangement. Although I was the lower earner then, I was happy with it. Am I just wholly unromantic?

iabu: all couples share everything and you’re the odd one out

ianbu: it’s normal to keep your own money in a marriage

My husband and I have never shared a bank account, we split everything between us equally. We have been together for over 30yrs and it has never been an issue. We had a joint mortage, now paid off.

Together 16 years, married for 9.

Everything is joint - absolutely no his/hers.

All money is 'ours'.

Separate here, married over 20 years.

All money is shared. Even inheritance. Which is lucky for me because he earns the majority of the money and his family actually has money, mine has debts.

We pool almost everything. Salaries go into join account, all bills, joint and kids expenses and savings are transferred from there. We do have the same amount of personal spending money each month transferred out to individual accounts, which is our own. We use this for any socialising we do without the other, for our own spending and hobbies and to buy each other presents. I spend most of mine on clothes and occasional nights out with friends. DP mostly seems to buy sports and IT stuff.

This works really well for us, but we have a similar approach to money which matters a lot and we also don’t have children from previous relationships. If in the future I was in a different relationship I’d be unlikely to pool money again, because I’d want to prioritise my assets and any spare funds for my children instead of seeing it all as joint.

I think it’s totally different with second/blended families though? We share everything jointly but our children are exactly that - ours so all financial decisions and choices are made for the good of our family. Very different when you’ve competing demands - why would a non related parent subsidise a child they aren’t related to? Why would a parent support another adult financially to the detriment of their own children? Plus a second marriage is more likely to end in divorce than to live happy ever after so playing the odds would mean not combining finances.

Ours is all pooled, but we got together young when we both had very little.

If I ended up in a new relationship, or we'd met when older & I had savings, I'd keep everything seperate. It makes sense you'd protect your money.

Unfortunately, we're not UK and living with or remarrying someone gives them legal rights in a split or will situation. Partner will just go the legal route & take most of it. I've never seen a situation when they don't & I work in a financial industry. Reasonable people can turn nasty when money is involved.

We pool everything. If you’re married and have the same approach to finances why not.

Can you give him a year or if he meets someone and move in together then have to sell house and he gets his 50%

OP, this is your 2nd marriage and you need to protect your children as your husband is not their father. Things are very different to you.
I am older and my husband and I have always had shared goals. Neither one of us has an expensive hobby. We have always shared money and it has worked for us. I was a SAHP when the children were young so any other system would not have worked for us. We have always considered any savings whether joint owned or individually owned to be part of a joint pot. In fact when I was a SAHP we put all our savings in my name as I didn’t pay tax.
As an aged feminist, I really do despair about some of the threads on MN. There are some from women who reduce their hours to do far more than their share of the work at home and they are still expected to pay half towards all the bills while their partner has an expensive hobby/interest!! Some threads from women whom still are expected to contribute to family finances when they are on maternity leave. A baby is a joint decision and you both contribute towards it. I always hoped things would get better for women. Fortunately my daughters are not in relationships like this.

We have our own savings and current accounts and also joint savings and current accounts. So we have best of both Worlds - independence and convenience of household bills coming out of joint account. We try to keep our own savings accounts pretty much equal.

Our wages are paid into our own accounts and then we transfer an equal amount into a joint account for bills/food/hobbies etc. what left in your account is yours to do what you like with. If we book a holiday we just pay it from which ever accounts have the spare money in and if one is short then no problem asking the other to cover

I am ust too lazy bo do all that

DH is my second husband but neither of us have any other children than DS so our situation is different but we are 100% joint accounts. Well we do actually also have separate current accounts from when we were single but neither of us use them much at all.

We have separate accounts but my individual situation is slightly different due to our faith. As muslims a muslim man is actually not allowed to use his wife's money, he is solely responsible for all household costs, all the children's costs and to give me a monthly allowance to spend on myself. This is the condition of the marriage which all Muslim men follow. I use my money for things i want, majority of it goes into my own savings account.

Pool everything to cover expenses and savings. What is left over is split evenly between us to do what we like with.

I work full time because i enjoy my job, but i don't work to live! I know i am fortunate.

Have been married for 34 years and we have seperate bank accounts. We now have a joint account for extra cash. I have a separate account for my inheritance money that I have fool control of .I spend the money on necessities.

Everything is shared.
We have a joint current account & joint CC and everything comes out of these with no investigation as to who spent what.
With regards to savings, it is split to maximise tax savings & savings limits. i.e. when my OH decided to withdraw from Premium Bonds (due to poor returns), he opened an ISA in each of our names to maximise tax efficient saving. Likewise when I have winnings from PB's, they go straight into the joint account.

I think this is really about having the same attitude to money. I just cant ever imagine either DH or me having to "justify" any expenditure to each other. Neither of us are particularly good or over careful with money, but we also don't spend large amounts without agreement as a matter of communication and consideration. It is just that agreement is pretty much never a problem.

DH and I have has many arguments over our 25 year marriage but money has almost never been the cause of one of them. We are comfortable now but that was not always the case and we had plenty of times when we were overdrawn and struggling a bit financially in our early years of marriage. We just never argued about it. It was always us against the circumstances never me against him. Not with regards to money anyway

We have a joint current account and joint savings but also personal current accounts and savings. However we have been together 44 years and have two adult children together. If anything happened to my husband and I got together with someone else I would insist on separate finances to protect my children.

I think it depends when the marriage started , for many who married young and developed careers / had a family as the years went by pooling was the natural set up. I married for the first time at 40 , had built up significant equity and earned significantly more than DH so we have managed money like the OP creating a joint account for bills and keeping separate bank accts for us to spend / invest as we chose. I knew I would need to give up work at some stage and indeed will be retired at Christmas at 54 due to health issues so I have built up a pot to cover my expenses and life style

My dh and I often say 'will uou pay for this? ' at the till but its coming out if the same account.
We got a joint bank account ehen we bought our house.everything is in one pot. He earns 4x my wage. We have a joint savings and then individual isas etc and equal goes into each one. As a pp said we had similar upbringing to money/family attitudes etc which was important to me when dating and I wouldnt want it any other way personally but I dont judge people who split the bills etc and especially understand when there are previous relationships/children etc.
However can't stand it when its 'oh Paul owes me 12.50 for his cost of a takeaway' I worked with a woman who literally kept £ and pence debt list against her husband (and vice versa)

Dh would like everything to go into a joint account but I refuse. We have a joint account and each put the same amount in every month. I like to have my own money to spend how I please. If I was spending from the joint account I know dh would question some of my purchases.