Do most married couples really pool all money, or keep some separate?

[Namewitheldagain]

Not really an AIBU but interested in what people have to say. I’ve noticed on mumsnet and particularly in a recent thread in which the op lent her dh a significant chunk of money and people were aghast she was expecting him to pay it back, that the consensus seems to be everyone shares all money in a marital pot. Is everyone really doing this?

I am on my second marriage to be fair and my husband is not my children’s father, with no plans to have children of our own. If relevant, he has none of his own. Maybe it’s different because my financial decisions are made with my children’s protection in mind should anything happen to me. My husband is aware and in agreement.

We bought our house each with the same deposit and we have a joint account into which we each pay half of the cost of the mortgage and household bills, subscriptions etc and an extra 400 a month each which is just extra and saved for things like holidays or new furniture / house stuff.

independently of that, we each have our own savings, current account and discretionary spending. I have more in savings and discretionary spending because I earn more. Sure if we want an extra holiday I cover it and I pay for the cleaner because I earn more and I can justify the cost but other than that money is separate and bills split.

We own our house as joint tenants each owning 50% meaning my half is bequeathed to my kids although he will have the right to live in it indefinitely. a life insurance policy would pay off the mortgage. I have c250k in death in service benefit that would be 1/3 his (I have two kids each getting a third) if I died and he’s welcome to what savings I have (not loads but a chunk).

we can’t be the only couple like this can we? We are both very happy with the arrangement. Even when I was married to my kids’ dad this was our arrangement. Although I was the lower earner then, I was happy with it. Am I just wholly unromantic?

iabu: all couples share everything and you’re the odd one out

ianbu: it’s normal to keep your own money in a marriage

People have to do what feels right for them. I wouldn’t want a DH who wanted a joint bank account, I want to spend my money the they I want. As long as the house bills are covered and any children’s needs are met before the adults it shouldn’t matter who is spending what from their own monies.

We have 1 bank account between us, we pool dverything. Definitely no my money, his money, everything is family money. It works for us but I can see why it might not for some.

We have household money. We both work full time so it comes into a joint account and then gets divided into savings etc. For birthday presents we just turn a blind eye or get out cash.

I’m not sure either way is better/worse it depends on the individuals. My husband and I keep finances separate and are responsible for different expenses, which we agree on. However, occasions when I have hadcextra coming in (a small bequest from my godmother, a redundancy payout, a bonus….) he will stop paying for anything that is “his” allotted responsibility (a division I should stress we pre-agreed) so that I have to pay it. In addition, he will simply not pay for holidays so if the kids are to have a family holiday I have to pay for it all. Which is sonething we agreed 50/50!split but when it comescto it he refuses. So having pooled or separate finances would make no difference. I have two more years until my younger son finishes school and then I’m off.

We pool but if I was in a second marriage I wouldn’t.

Joint account and joint credit card which we pay off 50-50 each month, plus our own separate accounts and cards as well. Sometimes she pays for dinner/groceries from her account and sometimes I do and we assume that it's roughly fair without counting up the pennies. I agree that this is probably a 2nd marriage thing. Both of us were in previous marriages with financial disasters of partners (hers made her go bankrupt!) so, while we are financially well-matched in most ways, it feels better for us to have individual accounts as well as joint ones.

We have had a joint main bank account since just after we got married nearly 40 years ago.
We have some separate savings accounts, some joint, separate ISAs and obviously yes, are not one for tax - but the assumption is that it is all our joint money.

JMO as well.
Just before I got married, I was told by someone old and wise that working together to achieve things made a good marriage. We still discuss all purchases beyond groceries, and have done for 35 years now, through bad times and now good.

Been together 20 years and have a young DS. We’ve never had any joint accounts or pooled money. We just informally split any costs.

We both earn well, so affordability has never been an issue which probably helps. We’ve not had a single cross word about money since we got together. It just isn’t something we spend time worrying about.

My husband and I have been together since we were 19 and have two kids together. We had nothing when we started so everything was together. One bank account, one credit card, all of it together. We’ve never been in a position to have separate investments or anything like that though of course we have our own workplace retirements. So it’s much easier for us to have one place for everything as we don’t have much extra and all our goals and expenses are the same.

we did stop buying proper presents for each other decades ago as it was quite silly as it’s all the same money. We do something thoughtful or make a plan to do something together instead and we spend our money on ourselves as we choose to.

Phew! Good! I was a bit worried for you there, just wanted to make sure you'd be getting what you wanted in the event of......well, you know!

Second marriage here and late 60s. We do not pool money but our system works well for us. I have a lot more than dh.

Early 40s married nearly 20 years, 2 children. We have a joint account and separate 'allowance" accounts which get an equal amount deposited each month despite me earning 2/3 what my DH does. So we can both buy what we like with no judgement on the smaller things.

All savings are chosen tax efficiently but invested 'jointly'.

Yes everything is pooled.
From the day we moved in together, I explained that i would never want to be financially worse off than when I was single with my dc. He moved in , and suggested we open a joint account where just his wage went into to cover bills and food etc . My wage and then maintenence still went to my personal account for whatever i wanted.
I also had full access no questions asked using the joint account. If all he had was for example £200 left I could spend that on whatever I wanted- i wouldnt of course.
We married after 5 years, now as it's easier both wages go into the joint account . He lost his bank card 18 months ago and never replaced it. He just doesn't spend money. If he needs or wants anything which is rare he just orders it online ( card details saved on there ) or if I'm out and about he'll say for example can I grab him some t shirts or socks or whatever it may be.
I don't think he could even tell you what is in the bank at any given time. To be honest I only ever buy what's needed and don't just waste money so it's not like I'm out spending either.

We have our own ISAs and pensions, paid into from the joint account. Our share portfolio is in joint names and we both have access to all investment information and attend financial meetings together, it’s never been a problem.
Don’t assume that people who do things differently to you are financially illiterate.

We would consult the other before spending thousands though, I should have put that.

We pool some each month for bills etc and keep a little back for ourselves

my dc and I left with nothing when my first marriage ended. There was financial abuse. I wasn’t prepared to ever be in that position again. When I met now dh I was clear about needing my financial independence. He wanted children. I wanted to get my career going (wasn’t allowed to work with exh). I had two dc with now dh who he left work to be a stay at home dad. During that time I covered all bills, paid into his pension along side my own and we split what was left. As soon as he went back to work full time we paid into a joint account, I earnt more so we split it to reflect our incomes, just enough to cover mortgage and bills. The rest was our own. As the years have passed we now earn roughly the same but I’m going to retire early due to a disability. Dh will carry on working. It’s team work. It’s fair for us.

We have separate accounts, that sort of came about because I was a SAHM so DH just paid for everything and I didn't need to think about the finances.

Now the children are getting older, I do have some income, but not to the amount I would have had in my career, and nowhere near DH's income level, so because I've missed out on over a decade of good salary, I keep everything I earn and use it to put towards our future. So as long as we are still together in retirement (I've no reason to think we won't be), he'll share the benefit of that then. He didn't pay into a pension for me whilst I was a SAHM so I think it's only fair I get to keep what I earn now to help fund retirement.

If I start working full-time again, which is unlikely (although I am applying for roles but struggling to get back into the workforce), it won't be on anywhere near the salary I used to earn, but I would then make overpayments to get our mortgage paid off earlier.

Well yes, a lot of people don’t have money beyond instant access bank accounts. Surely that’s not news to you?
When I say we pool our money, I mean our day to day money. We both get paid into the same account, and all of our bills and day to day expenditure come from that account.
Investments/ISAs etc are in separate names, but decisions as to what goes where are made jointly. Most savings are in my name for tax reasons, however obviously if we were to split these would be considered joint assets anyway.
We both have good work place pensions, which are obviously in our own names but worth approx the same amount.

Been together since early 90s. Always pooled everything and spent from the joint pot for everything. I earned more when we were younger, then reduced hours after DC so it swapped around, but either way we’ve both just seen money as ‘ours’. It’s our 1st / only marriage so I guess as straightforward as you can get.

We do have our savings separately (to take full advantage of ISA allowances) but that is funded from the joint pot equally.

We have separate current accounts. But the vast majority of both of our wages go straight into the joint account.

Then from that we save out into 2 joint savings accounts (one for school fees, one for other stuff) all bills etc come from the joint account.

Most people dont' have enough money for separate to be a practical option.

Before children we had separate accounts and a joint account for bills where we put in a percentage of our wages each. When we had children and maternity and part working meant we had less money it made sense to just pool money into one account, we never had much left to spend on ourselves anyway, and have similar approach to spending so has never caused an issue. We have a joint saving account but when we use any money from that it goes one house / family holidays.
When the children are older and hopefully we are back to being more financially secure, we may go back to the old system.

Together 35 years, married 30 and have only had a joint account for savings. That’s empty as we’ve put the money into ISAs.