Do most married couples really pool all money, or keep some separate?

[Namewitheldagain]

Not really an AIBU but interested in what people have to say. I’ve noticed on mumsnet and particularly in a recent thread in which the op lent her dh a significant chunk of money and people were aghast she was expecting him to pay it back, that the consensus seems to be everyone shares all money in a marital pot. Is everyone really doing this?

I am on my second marriage to be fair and my husband is not my children’s father, with no plans to have children of our own. If relevant, he has none of his own. Maybe it’s different because my financial decisions are made with my children’s protection in mind should anything happen to me. My husband is aware and in agreement.

We bought our house each with the same deposit and we have a joint account into which we each pay half of the cost of the mortgage and household bills, subscriptions etc and an extra 400 a month each which is just extra and saved for things like holidays or new furniture / house stuff.

independently of that, we each have our own savings, current account and discretionary spending. I have more in savings and discretionary spending because I earn more. Sure if we want an extra holiday I cover it and I pay for the cleaner because I earn more and I can justify the cost but other than that money is separate and bills split.

We own our house as joint tenants each owning 50% meaning my half is bequeathed to my kids although he will have the right to live in it indefinitely. a life insurance policy would pay off the mortgage. I have c250k in death in service benefit that would be 1/3 his (I have two kids each getting a third) if I died and he’s welcome to what savings I have (not loads but a chunk).

we can’t be the only couple like this can we? We are both very happy with the arrangement. Even when I was married to my kids’ dad this was our arrangement. Although I was the lower earner then, I was happy with it. Am I just wholly unromantic?

iabu: all couples share everything and you’re the odd one out

ianbu: it’s normal to keep your own money in a marriage

100% pooled. I cannot understand these posts I see about "my" money and "his" money and the endless disputes about who pays for what. You are married. You have/are a family. You live together. Insanity!

There seems to be far less tit for tat problems with those who pool versus those who keep score like roommates.

I think it makes a big difference if you are a blended family with conflicting obligations. For couples with no children or only shared children, pooling money is simpler.

We don't have any joint accounts but this is also the reason why we split the mortgage, nursery fees etc 50/50 as opposed to proportionally as I'm the higher earner and DH could earn more if he wanted to but doesn't want the extra stress or responsibility.

Married 19 years together 23, we each have our own account that salaries are paid into and then a joint account for bills that we pay proportionally into. We moved in together when we'd been dating less than a year and this what what we agreed then. It works so we've never needed to change the arrangement.

Married over 20 years. I've always been the higher earner.

We pool all money and always have with the exception of ISA's and Premium Bonds as they obviously can't be joint.

Neither of us are materialistic or have expensive hobbies etc so neither of us feels like the other is dipping in more than the other.

All our money is pooled completely. We have separate accounts and a joint account but if one of us was running low then the other would send money over without thinking about it. We also just use any card so essentially they're just three joint accounts. Credit cards are just shared. But neither of us really buys anything just for our self like a luxury. Our laptop is shared, our cars are shared, one of our kids isn't biologically his but they're our kids.

What's mine is yours, What's yours is mine.

Mmm I think it is a second marriage thing. DH (both 2nd marriage) and I have recently opened a joint account for the first time in 25 years together. It's just for bills and other joint expenses.

That said, we both still maintain individual accounts and that's how I want it to stay.

All money pooled.

We both earn similar amounts and have similar outlook on expenses* - we both buy shoes, clothes, bags, go out with friends etc using money from our joint funds but never feel the need to check with each other if it was ok. Same for things for DCs.

The same applied when I was on maternity leave and then working part time for several years - the question of whose money, how much contribution we each made etc never came up once. Never occurred to us. We were in it together.

*My parents did the same throughout their marriage despite their earnings being totally different, so I grew up with this being normal.

We pool everything and have done for 20 odd years. But we got together fairly young, we’re on a similar salary (I.e peanuts) and had no kids. It has always worked for us as all money is for the family.

You might not understand it, but many of us have been treated badly financially by previous partners. We have learned the hard way that it's always sensible (and absolutely not insanity) to have a fund of our own.

Can't work out whether this is a joke. If not, then when people say everything is joint, they don't mean that they literally pool everything, which is clearly impossible. They generally mean that they take financial decisions on the basis that they are a unit with one set of interests. That might include a joint current account but it's not limited to having a joint current account.

So, for example, I am a higher rate taxpayer. DH pays additional rate and has only a £10k annual pension allowance. Our finances are joint but that last thing we would want is eg a joint savings account- rather, he pays all the household expenses and I put £60k a year into my pension, which brings me down to basic rate, and then I hold all our unwrapped savings and investments. This saves us tens of thousands a year in tax compared to a situation where we paid expenses proportionately and held savings and investments 50-50. It's about taking a joint approach, not literally having joint accounts for everything.

Married 30years. Joint account is where both salaries go and all bills come from. On pay day we both draw an equal amount into our own separate accounts for personal spends. Everything we do together comes from the joint. DH earns 3x my salary.
We have joint savings amd premium bonds and separate personal s&s ISAs .

My DH and I don't. We have our salaries paid into our own accounts and pay money into a joint account for bills. When it comes to things like holidays we just share out the costs and it works itself out. For example I pay the hotel and he pays for the meals, that sort of thing.

I don't even know exactly how much DH earns. Mind you, I'd have to get my payslip out and add everything up to work out what my salary is, too.

All our money is pooled. Salary bonus pension inheritance equity.

I do understand and we do pool all our money - if £1 goes into my ISA, £1 goes into his. We have a shared iPad with all our banking apps on that we can both access.

My job is in financial services so I understand investments - but I make sure we are in identical(ish) positions because all of our resources are pooled.

I've got my own account, husband’s account is in both names purely because when I went on maternity leave (30+) years ago, if he wanted money I could get it out for him, my account is my own and he has always paid for everything, we moved house and I had to put the electric in my name as I was home at the time, so I now pay the electric bill!
I have access to my husband’s money he can’t touch mine 🤣 he doesn’t even know how much I’ve got!

Of course you'll hear about disputes on mumset. Just as you will hear about men clearing a joint bank account out on mumsnet too as people with good marriages, no matter the financial setup are much less likely going to start a thread on mumset about it.

DH and I have separate finances and have never argued over money. Different things are going to work for different people.

Surely in that situation, the business borrowed 30k and would be expected to pay it back which is not like borrowing money personally. If the business fails it may also be written off but.

I also think there are so many spectrums on this, for some families pulling all there money together is the only way forward whilst other families can afford a different standard. Certainly for universal credit etc you money is pulled in together and you are treated as one household.

Married over 50 years. Pooled all
our money right from the start. I had 10 years as a SAHP, so no personal earnings, but we both always saw any money we had as family money.

Joint and all money shared completely

We have a joint account for everything. All wages go into it, everything comes out of it.
The majority of our savings are in my name though for tax reasons.

I don’t think all couples share everything, but dh and I always have - all money from whatever source, inc. inheritances, is ‘ours’.
My parents were the same, and I think my ILs.

Having said that, I’ve had separate savings, for tax purposes, but the money was still ‘ours’ - at least until most of it went to help dds with house purchases…

This. We both put money in the joint and savings each month then the rest is ours to keep - but if we somehow wanted or needed to make a large purchase that couldn’t be covered by savings and one of us needed a top up, each of us would probably oblige to support the other.

Back in the day I had a relative who borrowed money from her husband to buy a car. And he charged her interest on the repayments! A low rate, but he said she was getting a better deal than she would from a bank.

There's separate finances and there's separate finances.

Readers, the marriage did not last. I doubt that is a surprise.

We do similar to you OP, we have two young adults living at home, married for over 20 years.