AIBU to say 6:30am isn’t the middle of the night?

[Shezz95]

Little backstory:

We have two children (4 and 4 months), I breastfeed so wake up with the baby but he’s a good sleeper and usually wakes up once around 4/5am. At the weekend my husband and I take turns having a lie in and getting up with the kids - in my eyes a lie in should be an hour ish so that we can still spend time together and do the morning dog walk

Yesterday I woke up at 6 to feed the baby and then went downstairs with them both around 6:20. Baby’s routine is having first nap on the dog walk 2 (ish) hours after waking. Husband is still asleep at 8:20 so I’m trying to get dressed and get kids sorted without waking him, but am also a bit annoyed as he will be out from 10am all day, so kids won’t see him

He wakes up and quickly gets dressed to come on the dog walk and then is out at the football from 10:30 - 3:30, he then gets home and says he’s popping to the pub as it’s his friends dads birthday. He comes back at about 6 and we do bedtime together - not really relevant but just that he’s not seen the kids much today and he usually does either football or cricket one day a weekend so we only have one family day

My 4 year old hasn’t been very well, very lethargic and doesn’t want to eat. This morning he comes in at 6:20 saying he’s thirsty and wants milk. Husband says we don’t get drinks in the middle of the night and that he can only have water. 4YO is crying more and more as he wants milk (probably hungry after not eating much). The baby then wakes up happily babbling.

I say it’s probably best to just wake up now as it’s usual wake up time anyway and he’s poorly etc. husband is trying to get him back to sleep - he’s not going to go as it’s 6:30 and he’s just getting more upset, so I go into the room and husband starts shooing me away and saying I give in to every little whim (I don’t, I’m usually the one disciplining/carrying out consequences). I said I’ll just wake up with them then. He calls me a martyr and starts telling me to fuck off and that I’m being fucking ridiculous etc. I feel like he just doesn’t want to wake up early with them even after hardly seeing them yesterday

AIBU to say 6:30am isn’t the middle of the night and our ill child should be allowed to have a glass of milk!?

Another man who thinks the children are his wife's hobby.

We're all up at 6am every day, so 6:30 is hardly the middle of the night (though it feels like it in the depths of winter!). He needs to sort out his priorities.

What do you mean that you're going to have to report her if she replies to you?
On what grounds?! You feel the need to reply to everything, she's just replying back to you.
Dear me.

Anyway ignoring silly posts...

@Shezz95 if this is a one off then shit happens and people say heated stuff but you might want to have a look at how much you each do and whether that's building any resentment. Having small children is savage. I wouldn't be happy with the financial arrangement you have, I've never come across that. It's very easy to minimise afterwards and gloss over stuff (particularly when u have an avalanche of opinions on here) but some calm retrospective thought can be very helpful. I hope your toddler feels better x

A couple of whole hours for yourself only because he was a twat ... a twat who gets a whole day for himself every weekend ...

Not ridiculous at all. Many, many of us don't want the sort of relationship where it's acceptable to tell each other to fuck off. He wasn't saying it in jest so what tone would make it acceptable? The answer is no tone whatsoever and particularly not in front of a 4 year old.
And this hard done by individual had already had his lie in the day before. Not only that, he had also spent the rest of the day trying to pretend he didn't have a family.

Its certainly not the middle of the night thats just silly

Hi there.

Just popping in with a gentle reminder to focus on the topic rather than each other. It's absolutely fine to disagree, but please keep things civil and avoid personal remarks.

Thanks all.
Faye
MNHQ.

The telling you to fuck off is 100% unacceptable and you need to call him out on that and make very clear that if he's ever that disrespectful to you again then you will have to have serious thoughts about whether you want him in the house. Do you want your son to be telling you to fuck off repeatedly by the time he's a teen? Do you want him thinking that this is the way to treat a partner and treating some poor young girl this way? If you want ds to have any respect for women then you need to command that respect for yourself.

On the flip side your son also needs to learn that the man can be a respected and trusted member of the family unit and undermining dad isn't going to teach him this. FWIW I would 100% have gotten my kid whatever he wanted overnight if he'd been poorly. However if you take the 'my night his night' approach then you have to be prepared to relinquish a bit of the control. It's tough as your maternal instinct was telling you that not allowing DS to have the milk was wrong. I would probably have told DS you'd go and get him a glass but then he needs to either sit quietly in his own bed/your bed and do a quiet activity until an agreed time. Ultimately you either have to let dad deal with it though or accept the extra burden on yourself without resentment. Maybe dad could help in other ways eg taking ds to the park/swimming later in the day. If you're struggling with dad's parenting style in general then that's probably a conversation to have when ds isn't around and you aren't tired/stressed.

Yes. I understand that but for a lot of people saying 'fuck off' is the equivalent of saying go away.

I guess the acceptable tone would be saying it in a sort of exasperated than aggressive tone.

Some people do swear in front of their children. I don't like it but they do. I'm not going to write them off as bad parents because of it, though I disapprove.

I don't think he's pretending he doesn't have a family at all.

He sounds as if he's a good father in other respects.

The OP and the dh seem to have made it up.
Just sounds like a minor spat to me.

I guess she (OP) won't be back.
This is just people arguing amongst themselves now.

No it isn’t
maybe in your world it is
and it was in front of young children 🙄

The only person who seems to be trying to argue is you though. Most people on this thread have offered their experiences and hopefully given OP some food for thought about their financial structure,and whether this is an isolated incident or not. OP may not have read them yet, she may never read them, but you seem to be repeatedly telling people to stop posting which is odd given you repeatedly reply to people.

Reported

Just wanted to jump on and say thank you all for your responses - I’m heading off to do some shopping and leaving him with the boys and some expressed milk to figure it out

i think all in all he’s a good dad and partner but there are definitely some things I need to address. All these little things are adding up and resentment is building - I need to talk to him and nip it in the bud

again thank you all, I’m in a much better headspace now

Then just report it?

Jesus this site is like a kids playground sometimes.

that poster hounds me

I find having small children can be like ice in cracks. It might be some just adjusting to life as it is now or it may be deeper then that, you'll find out when you start properly talking about it together.

Good luck xx

I can’t think of anything more normal than a four year old having a glass of milk at 6.30am! Just what does he expect from a four year old.