DD going Vegan

[dilema12]

DD has always been a fussy eater and for some time now she's been picking at her food at meal times leaving most of it. When I tried to approach her about it I never got an answer but last night she came to me to tell me she's vegetarian and in the process of switching to vegan. I would be lying if I said I'm not concerned, mainly around deficiencies of vitamins etc as she won't take multivitamins.

I feel I would be cruel not to support her decision and reasoning behind it, DD is 14 so understands what being vegetarian or vegan means and she has a right to decide for her self so I support her and will get her meat alternatives now I know but DP on the other hand has said "oh no we ain't doing that this house ain't a f*ING cafe" I now feel I'm stuck between my DD and my DP and he does do most of the cooking but doesn't make it right for him to dictate at meal times.

I think in making this post I wanted to know what would you do in this situation, AIBU to go against DP and buy the meat alternatives anyway?

We have vegans in the family, it's getting easier. They/we have just about ditched all the fake meats though except for the odd sausage or some ridiculously expensive 'steaks' call Juicy Marbles which I buy only when on offer. Burgers are generally bean burger style, lentils and chickpeas make curries and dahls etc. I find the lack of eggs the hardest to manage- but tofu helps instead sometimes.
They started off refusing to use vitamin supplements, but they do now.

@dilema12 , I was 5 when I made the connection as to what meat actually was and told my mother I wouldn’t eat it anymore. She respected my decision and I have always been grateful for that. It still comes into my head from time to time now and nearly 60 years later I send up a silent thank you to her, it wasn’t nearly as easy then, I was one of the original ‘cranks’.
Your daughter is old enough to know her own mind and making sure she doesn’t miss out on vital nutrients is so much easier now. I think my mum knew even at a tender age that if she’d tried to force me I’d have dug my heels in as it turned out (mum was a teacher) after a farm visit with her class she subsequently became a pescatarian. There’s a special place in my heart full of love for the mother who chose to respect me rather than try to force me to do what would have been easier for her. Listen to your heart.

My daughter turned vegan at 14, she’s still vegan now at 20. I said I didn’t mind if she took a supplement and ate properly/healthily. I said she was responsible for her own meals twice a week (she learnt to batch cook which was great prep for uni), I would give her a meat swap for a few nights a week (ie we have sausages, hers are vegan) and some nights we’d all eat vegan. We got in the swing of it and it works fine. My youngest is now saying he “can’t handle meat” so I think I’ve another going that way. It’s taught us a lot about food and can be done! Eating out together is very easy as there are so many vegan choices available. FYI my very meat pro husband (her step dad) really enjoys some of her tofu noodle dishes and they often cook together.

I was 14 when I went veggie in the early noughties so way way less options for meat alternatives as now. My mum was very accommodating, she'd have kreferred me and my sister to eat meat but understood we didnt want to, so she was great and cooked a few meals. I now do the same thing as a mum. Teenagers try new things and the motivation to be veggie or vegan is usually either health based or ethically based and both are reasons which take some thought about, even if it proves to be a phase etc. It's not a destructive or disruptive lifestyle change, there are so many alternatives now that are quick to cook so I'd say definitely provide those and your daughter will appreciate your support.

Another one seriously concerned about the ED potential.
What would I do? Vegetarian at best and must eat eggs and cheese in sufficient quantities to maintain an appropriate BMI.

So true, you do feel grateful don't you especially when you become an adult and see how accommodating and understanding added a little (or alot) to a mother's already busy load.

Re. cooking.
Cooking is a life skill, vegan or not. Your daughter needs to learn it as much as she needs to learn to manage money, or drive a car. Your partner had no right to dominate the kitchen (or anywhere else) it's a vital family resource.
I wouldn't tolerate that for a moment.

Yeah liquid ones would work, it's tablets she doesn't like

Well if people do it properly there is no need for supplements if a vegan diet is good for ua why would we need them? but unless she can cook for herself I would agree with DH

We eat a variety of meals vegan, vegetarian and with meat but not changing everything for one person we are not a restaurant

Me too. Pretty sure my mum would have said ‘don’t be ridiculous’ as she plonked a plate of mince and potatoes in front of me, adding I could just eat the potatoes and onions if I wanted to.

The vegans I know all said it's easier to do once you have your own fridge and kitchen. Trying to do it as a teen just annoys everyone.
I wouldn't feed my child factory made fake food so it would be tofu and legumes with loads of veg. Pasta meals would be nice though.
It's a shame tofu is not pleasant to eat. I think it's the texture.

Tbf I'm a meat eater and have spend most of my adult lie with low iron and b12

Yeah I think we are going to have some serious discussion tomorrow whilst DD is out

There is no natural vegan source of B12 so supplements or fortified foods are essential if you don't want to eventually have nerve damage, incontinence and everything else that comes with B12 deficiency - oh and a brain damaged child from pregnancy/breastfeeding without B12.

The Vegan society on b12.

https://www.vegansociety.com/resources/nutrition-and-health/nutrients/vitamin-b12/what-every-vegan-should-know-about-vitamin-b12

Exactly this.
Unfortunately, “meat substitute” vegan food is expensive & usually UPF - it fills a gap in the market but not in an especially good way. My vegan family member avoids them & typically uses pulses.
She needs to read up on protein & amino acid sources; with a little knowledge, she can make some smart decisions on these, both nutritionally & financially.
B vitamins are absolutely critical esp B6 & B12. As a growing teen she can easily become fatigued but also deficiency can cause damage to her nervous system (potentially seriously so). These need to be consumed daily; supplements targeted at vegans are the best option.
Long term, it is vital that she includes calcium sources; bone health can suffer in the long term, especially around menopause.
If she is to become a successful vegan, she really needs to own her decision & be responsible about it. This is way more important than DP stamping his authority over the kitchen, he needs to put his toys back into his pram & respect her decisions.

Tell her she's an animal and she would be harmed if she only ate the UPF alternatives.

Seriously though, I briefly consisted the Vegetarian to Vegan switch but was about to have a baby so it wasn't the right time. There is a lot of brain power to go into it. She'll have to do some of the leg work herself.

Watch out if this becomes an eating disorder - if she’s picking at food and leaving most of it. Check Beat website for advice on what to do if you’re concerned and how best to approach.