DD going Vegan

[dilema12]

DD has always been a fussy eater and for some time now she's been picking at her food at meal times leaving most of it. When I tried to approach her about it I never got an answer but last night she came to me to tell me she's vegetarian and in the process of switching to vegan. I would be lying if I said I'm not concerned, mainly around deficiencies of vitamins etc as she won't take multivitamins.

I feel I would be cruel not to support her decision and reasoning behind it, DD is 14 so understands what being vegetarian or vegan means and she has a right to decide for her self so I support her and will get her meat alternatives now I know but DP on the other hand has said "oh no we ain't doing that this house ain't a f*ING cafe" I now feel I'm stuck between my DD and my DP and he does do most of the cooking but doesn't make it right for him to dictate at meal times.

I think in making this post I wanted to know what would you do in this situation, AIBU to go against DP and buy the meat alternatives anyway?

In that case he's being pretty unreasonable, to deny her the food she wants but also deny her the opportunity to use the kitchen to cook her own. Is he controlling in other ways?

I was going to say the same thing too. This happened with my DS who now has an eating disorder.

Just be careful and on the ball OP.

At this stage I'm not concerned about ED she's not thin and the picking with food is mainly at evening meal

Yeah he can be controlling in other ways

It's admirable that she's taken this decision.

No need to cook separate meals every day - every person in the household would benefit from vegan meals.

He's not her dad? And he thinks this is his decision why???

He just likes to be in control but he does mean well

I knew before you even posted that you were going to say he wasn’t her dad. I’m guessing as ever there is more background and the controlling part over the cooking is the tip of the iceberg.

Your "D"P sounds controlling to me. Only he is allowed to cook and everyone has to follow the same diet as him.
Why do you allow him to treat you and DD that way? It's one thing for him to say I'm not cooking vegan food and quite another to say I'm not cooking vegan food and no-one else is allowed to either. Tell him to stop being a twat.

could it even mean that actually she ends up eating more? because maybe food will be more inviting to her if it’s vegan, if the idea of eating meat produce may have been putting her off eating?

Same!

Quelle surprise 🙄

Oh dear, that shows an extremely limited, if not non-existent understanding of diet and nutrition on her part. She's making her choices around a single goal "no animal died for this".

I would try and explain to her that that still doesn't make it healthy for her to eat UPFs and that her body isn't going to process that sort of intake any better just because she's "doing a good thing".

ah and there's the problem.....what right does he to decree who may cook and who may not? what else does he lay down the law about? And why should he be parenting your child?

this

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My daughter decided she wanted to be vegetarian at 13 as a family of 6 it was a bit of an adjustment organising meals but we respected her decision. We supported her and it was actually really good and helped us all actually eat less meat, be adventurous and thoughtful about the food we eat.Whilst at uni she decided to drop all animal products and is now vegan. She takes a b12 supplement but eats really well and has a very healthy diet.

Bin the controlling man and support your child.

Ideally you don't want to be using processed meat alternatives much. It will mean your daughter having to learn to cook and understand how to get a balanced variety of nutrients across her meals and she definitely can't be fussy about eating all the other things which are not animal based.

My friend's daughter did the same at 14 (she "grew out of it" within a couple of years) and i was plant based myself for five years. With my friend's daughter, they were supportive but absolutely firm that this is her decision and she is responsible for meal planning and cooking. She did a rather brilliant job and is a confident cook as a result. I am slightly alarmed by your partner "not liking" anyone else to cook. How are kids meant to learn to be adults?
With myself, I realised that a lot of what I ate was already vegan. A lot of what a typical person would it is vegan, in fact. Nobody turns their nose up at hummus or sorbet unless someone says it's vegan and suddenly it's WW3.
I didn't buy any fake meats. I simply ate a lot of vegetables, beans and pulses. A lot of nut and soy milks and other vegan substitutes are fortified with vit B so she may not need to supplement if she is careful. Protein is more of an issue. It's easy to get protein from vegan sources but, unfortunately it does mean consuming more calories so she needs to be mindful of that. Vegetarian would be a smarter option from that perspective but if she is vegan, rather than plant-based, it's probably not an option.

My parents didn't have much choice when I said I refused to eat meat in 1984. I was 5 years old and had just learnt that my favourite dishes were dead animals. I refused to eat anything dead so be it fish or lamb. Was ok with eggs and milk because it didn't kill animals. My parents could have shrugged and fed me pasta every day but they wanted me to get my nutriments so they did cook on the side for me (lentils, beans, chick peas, eggs etc).

If she's anything like me she won't eat sausages grilled just after the meat ones🤢. So clean the grill and prepare for her first.

This sounds like the start of orthorexia, which can spiral to much worse. Believe there's a dedicated area on MM for ED help and advice. Good luck, OP.

We aren't in 1972 tho are we