DD going Vegan

[dilema12]

DD has always been a fussy eater and for some time now she's been picking at her food at meal times leaving most of it. When I tried to approach her about it I never got an answer but last night she came to me to tell me she's vegetarian and in the process of switching to vegan. I would be lying if I said I'm not concerned, mainly around deficiencies of vitamins etc as she won't take multivitamins.

I feel I would be cruel not to support her decision and reasoning behind it, DD is 14 so understands what being vegetarian or vegan means and she has a right to decide for her self so I support her and will get her meat alternatives now I know but DP on the other hand has said "oh no we ain't doing that this house ain't a f*ING cafe" I now feel I'm stuck between my DD and my DP and he does do most of the cooking but doesn't make it right for him to dictate at meal times.

I think in making this post I wanted to know what would you do in this situation, AIBU to go against DP and buy the meat alternatives anyway?

VickyEadie I went vegetarian when I was 7 in 1969 and vegan at 11 in 1973. I came from a poor working class family in East London but my mum was wonderful. Took me to GP, he said “she’ll be fine” and then she bought a batch of red lentils and made pies, sausage rolls, pizzas, stews and soups. I’ve only recently realised that they all contained basically the same lentil/veg mix. But at least she tried.

Exactly.

Also, animal fats are critical for brain development.

I wouldn't be inclined to prepare different meals for her. She needs to make her own. I would try and pay as little attention to this as posible although it must be worrying. And hope it doesn't develop into an eating disorder.

Well Id rather her eat processed than nothing at all 😀

Get the man out of your child's home.

If you're ever in a scenario where you need to pick between a boyfriend and your child, it's an easy answer.

For those questioning and playing doctor telling me it sounds like an ED..I've no concerns in that area

One thing you should absolutely insist on is iron intake, especially at her age.Get a dr appointment and ask the doctor to explain to DD the importance of iron and make recommendations on iron supplements.
Also be cautious about meat alternatives and soya content. Soya is a well known plant based /equivalent of oestrogen. At her age, she has to be careful about hormones. Aldo soya is intensively grown and often laden pesticides.
Otherwise let her crack on, be supportive and guide her through this stage of her life.

I would go against DP and buy and cook DD vegan food. Support your daughter.

We do already buy dairy free milk for coffee, we only buy oat milk though which DD is happy with

I went veggie at 14 in 1977 and grew up on a council estate with my mum as a single parent. It was easy. If she was doing egg and chips, beans or tomatoes on toast, tinned tomato or vegetable soup I ate with the family. If she was doing meat I had the vegetables and a handful of nuts. Soya milk on my weetabix. We never had cheese in the house because no one liked it. The only change she made was to go from lard to vegetable fat for cooking. I also learnt to cook.

OP, I've been veggie for 50 years and vegan for a lot of that. There are some decent processed foods but try to avoid the quorn vegan foods as they're full of salt and quite unpleasant.
She could batch cook and freeze meals for herself so that when you're having rice she can take a chilli or a curry out of the freezer, pasta she takes out a bolognese, anything with potatoes she could have a shepherds pie mix. Loads of good recipes online and it's not automatically the start of an eating disorder. There's an awful lot of weirdness on MN whenever veganism pops up. I
https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/diets/vegan

This!!

We are working class, live on a social housing estate, we are not some snob like a pp is trying to make out

Thanks I'll have a look at that site

Could he stop being like that?

With respect, you have come onto a public forum for advice about your daughter. Several women have said she's displaying markers of a potential ED. All from a place of help and concern.

That's not playing doctor. Thats women with experience replying to your ask for advice.

Perhaps see a GP instead of asking the Internet.

A GP isnt required though, I know exactly what to look for where an ED is concerned..I asked what people would do in regards to the situation not to try and diagnose a child with an ED that you haven't met 😀

You have a DP problem. He's controlling, as you are already know, it's not fair to subject your child to a controlling dictator of a man in her home.

I would avoid meat alternatives, they are highly processed, and although no animals have been harmed, they will harm her. There are so many lovely tasty vegan meals without all the highly processed crap in them.

As for your DP not allowing anyone else to cook in their own home, well, I'm not sure what to say to that, other than get rid of the controlling twat.

It's a story as old as time.

I've seen this said so many times this week alone - is it the latest Mumsnet must-say?

I know it's a phrase as old as time, but it's suddenly spreading like a rash.

I would accommodate her being vegan as I think it’s a great lifestyle choice. Yes some of the meat substitutes are processed, but a lot of meat is also processed…

I think your daughter is old enough to manage her food (within reason of course!). I’d give her a budget and take her to the shops and leave her to it. No need for either you or your partner to accommodate it, but also no need for him to be so strange about her using her own kitchen. I know plenty of families who have different dietary choices with all sorts of ways of managing it, but none where someone isn’t ’allowed‘ to cook for themselves. That’s super strange.

I grew up vegetarian which is super easy. Vegan is trickier to get all the nutrition right, super important for children to make sure they have everything they need. It’s her job to research it but definitely do your own homework as well. My parents and brother have gone between veggie and vegan for years and find vegan to be much more difficult.

Good luck, OP 😁

Being a vegan is not easy. Its not just a meat alternative. Its cheese, eggs, milk etc.. ok you can probably do without chese and eggs but milk. Youll need extra space in the fridge. At 14, Unless she is an accomplished cook and understands nutrition I would steer her away from veganism. She is still growing and developing physically as is her brain. Not a good thing so Im with your DH on this.

Your daughter must supplement B12 or eat foods fortified with it. When she is older this is also crucial during pregnancy and breastfeeding for the development of her child.

I'd be tempted to say that you will support her but you would like her to take a multivitamin. This could be a liquid one (she could put it in a drink) if she doesn't want a tablet.

Animal fats are absolutely not critical for brain development.

They help to clog arteries and are linked to various cancers, but are not necessary for brain development.

I agree. A very common pathway to anorexia. Effectively a way of cutting food groups and calorie intake under the guise of being vegan. Beware.

OK 👍