Need some perspective here because I am currently sleeping in the spare room and nobody in my family will talk to me.
I'm 44M and my wife is 44F. We've been together since we were teenagers, married for many years, and have three kids. We're very close to each other's families. My in laws have basically known me since I was a kid, so they’ve always treated me like family.
About three weeks ago, I had to travel from Madrid to Los Angeles for a very important work project. There was a huge amount of money involved and some very wealthy clients, so I had several meetings and events that had been planned well in advance. Honestly, their lifestyle isn't really my thing, but professionally I had to be involved.
When I left Madrid, my wife and kids were on holiday in Mallorca. Everything was completely fine between us.
About a week into my trip, my father in law suddenly became seriously ill and was admitted to the ICU. My wife called me repeatedly that night, along with my kids. I normally keep my phone on silent when I’m sleeping, so I didn't see the calls immediately.
When I called my wife back at morning, she was crying and told me what had happened. She asked me to come home
I immediately started looking for flights. The problem was that I had several important commitments over the next 3–4 days, including a major event hosted by one of our clients and a call with people from another company that I genuinely needed to attend. I told my wife I would come back as soon as I could.
Unfortunately, my father in law died that afternoon.
I started looking for flights again, but there weren't any suitable flights available for the next couple of days. I eventually booked the earliest flight I could get.
And this is where I completely screwed up.
That night, I still went to the client's party.
It was a big LA type event, I stayed late, and honestly, looking back, I understand how terrible that looks. My wife found out where I had been through a friend.
The next morning she was furious. She told me that while her father had just died, I was out partying in Los Angeles.
I tried explaining that the event had already been planned, that I was trying to get home, and that I had already booked my flight. But I realize now that none of that probably mattered to her in that moment.
I ended up changing my plans again, flew LA to London to Madrid, and arrived the following day.
By the time I got there, my wife, kids, mother in law and the rest of the family were already in another city preparing for the funeral.
When I arrived, nobody really spoke to me.
My wife wouldn't look at me. My mother in law was extremely cold toward me. Her brother and sister also barely acknowledged me.
Funeral happened, and I felt completely sidelined. It has now been six days. My wife has barely spoken to me. one time she did, she was extremely angry. I'm currently sleeping in another room.
I know I made a terrible decision by going to that party. I should probably have stayed in my hotel, even if I couldn't get an earlier flight. I can understand why seeing pictures or hearing that I was at a party while her father had just died would feel absolutely awful.
But at the same time, I genuinely was trying to get home. I wasn't choosing a party over my father in law's funeral. I was dealing with a work commitment, couldn't immediately get a flight, and had already booked the earliest one I could find.
My in laws and I have always been extremely close. I've known them for decades, and I've never treated them like they're just my wife's family. I loved my father in law too.
So I'm struggling with this.
Did I really deserve to be completely shut out and treated like I don't exist for six days?