If your dad didnt bother with you, then showed up 20 years later asking for a kidney for his child - would you say yes?

[hotmumshit]

Not a real scenario, watching eastenders, and have thought about being asked to donate something to an unknown sibling

I dunno, I dont know if I would 🤔

This made me chuckle. Bless you, trying to help

Now i'm gonna try again to give blood. The last time I tried, they said I couldnt bring dd. As I am a single mum, I had no childcare. Will look it up now

Wud I eck! (chanelling my inner Eastender)

https://www.blood.co.uk/

https://www.anthonynolan.org/?gl=1tevcvnupMQ..gsMQ..&gclid=CjwKCAjw48TUBhBREiwAK0GnQbdxK3M6DI5oixX0ZUDmO4cgKh1g5MwMtneUlqqWHwYAhQyIOm-RoCXNIQAvDBwE&gclsrc=aw.ds&gbraid=0AAAAAo6RcpLuIgJKhIOAm8ebrzmXmwM9&utmsource=google&utmmedium=cpc&utmcampaign=sgiw20250414rgdscppmax&utmterm=&utmcontent=googleblooddonationmale&utmrmc=sgiw&utmaudience=blooddonation&utmmarketingtactic=prospecting&utmsitesourcename=x&utmid=&utmcreativeformat=&utmsourceplatform=x&utmcampaignid=22444730344&utmplatformadsetid=&utmmatchtype=&utmdevice=m&utmadposition=

The website states that you have to be between 18 and 30 to register with Anthony Nolan?!

Sorry for the long link above 😬

I read that you can tell the team you dont want to and they will say that you arent a match.
Not sure if thats true.
Hope it is because it would stop situations that pp described

No. The only people I would be a live donor for are my own children.

Having watched a family member lose a kidney to cancer and happily live on with just the other one, you'd have to be pretty special to me for me to give up my spare.

Absolutely no chance. I do have an absent Dad. If he rocked up tomorrow asking for a toenail clipping I’d tell him to jog on never mind a kidney. A stranger? Happy to donate. Sperm donor not a chance.

My brother needed a kidney. I changed my lifestyle to donate. Sadly he died before I could.
Both my adult children are stem cell donar registered.

A friend received a stem cell transplant. She's doing well.

No.

But then I wouldn't give a kidney to his child even if he had been in touch in the past 20 years. The only people in the world I would give my kidney to are my 2 children.

No.

So sorry 🥺. How did you have to change your lifestyle, give up drinking? Only if you feel comfortable answering x

Have just signed up to give blood, and will ask if I can join the stem cell register when I am there

No, I'd keep my spare kidney in case one of my kids requires it. That would be especially so if I had a half sibling who needed a transplant, because it could be something genetic that my side has passed down.

I remember that one.
As I recall, some people called OP selfish.

No, I don't think so. I was in a similar situation but it was my dad asking for a kidney for himself. He hadn't bothered with me at all when I was growing up and then when I was about 21 he contacted my mum asking if I'd be willing to get tested as a donor, but I said no.

A few people thought I was horrible for that, but he's a stranger to me and I highly doubt he'd have offered me a kidney if it was the other way around.

I'd consider it only if we could first have a near punch-up in the Queen Vic, and if the storyline somehow involved Ian Beale getting a custard pie in the face from a drunk clown, who then falls into the road in front of a taxi, and is saved by the quick actions of a passing stranger, who happens to be Dirty Den's grandson.
I haven't watched it for many years, but that's how I imagine the storyline going.

What if your child needs it, but you’re not a match.

but their family of the person you said no to is?

if you haven’t been tested for a match with your kids what’s the point?

while I am not sure if I’d donate to a stranger, I wouldn’t gatekeep my own organs on the incredibly rare chance my kids might need a transplant without at least knowing if I could donate to them.

if I was ever approached to be a living donor I’d weigh up the individual circumstances and risks. I wouldn’t say no on the basis that hypothetically someone I may not even match to might need one in the future.

That's actually a hard one for me. Dad funked off when I was 5 & sister 7, had a subsequet siblings that he also abandoned, and was on his third family when he pegged it last year.

When he becomes terminally ill, it prompted getting in touch with the siblings for the second family, and honestly, they're awesome. Dying young is by far the best thing he ever did for me, as it was the catalyst to me getting to know the siblings much earlier then otherwise (we're all later 20's-mid 30's).

Having met the siblings, if one was to become ill, I'd definitely donate stem cells, I'm not sure about the kidney but I'd strongly consider it, and probably be as likely to agree or refuse as I would be with the full sibling I grew up with.

I don't think you can ask to see if you are match for your kids if there is no need to.

I take it your mum stood your corner?

Well done for saying no. What happened to him?

As I recall, on the other thread I mentioned, it was confirmed as true by someone in the know. Apparently also (it was a very useful thread) potential donors are screened psychologically and emotionally. Its not enough to just agree to do it. IIRC, once the donor screening process is started, potential donors situations are also checked out for undue pressure.

yes there were some pretty cruel comments.

I think it’s obvious Eastenders is what prompted OPs made up situation to run through her head and it’s not the case she just has all the information of the show wrong

Kidney no. Stem cells yes.

DKMS goes up to 55 though. https://www.dkms.org.uk/get-involved