School mum ignored play date invitation

[potatyo]

My DS is best friends with a couple of boys at school and I’m superficially friendly with the mums. We don’t know each other well but one of the boys has been to ours for a drop off play date a few months ago, and we chat at school events. All fine. The children are 8. My son was invited to this boys birthday (was a small one of just four) but he couldn’t make it that was months and months ago. We weren’t invited back to this boys for a play date after we had him at ours - again no pressure for this as I wasn’t expecting it just painting a picture.

My DS has been really keen to see his friend over the holidays and I know the friend really wanted a play date as well as when I saw the family before school broke up my son’s friend was begging me and his mum for another play date so I’m confident it’s not an issue with the friendship. About a month ago I messaged the mum inviting her son over and she read the message and completely ignored me. I wasn’t expecting an immediate response but isn’t that rude to just point blank ignore an invitation?

I start assuming she doesn’t like me or doesn’t want our children to be friends. My son is well behaved no behavioural problems. AIBU to expect a reply even if it’s to decline the invitation? With school going back soon I’m going to feel self conscious bumping into her now and I know as soon as I see her son he is going to ask to come over to ours again.

She probably forgot about it.

Is this the mum for the party you didn’t go to?

Did you turn the invitation down in good time, or did you say yes, and then cancel last minute?

Duplicated post

Some people just have a lot more stuff going on in their lives then arranging play dates 🤣🤣

I had this but slightly weird we spoke on the phone (she has slipped her number via reception into my sons book bag) and I couldn’t get off 3 hours I spoke to her for - then she blanked me totally despite her request for a play date. I messaged x3 times and nothing and then 4 years on someone at a club I go to was discussing ‘Vanessa’ and all of a sudden around the table - we all realised we had all been Vanessaed as in same MO - same request for a play date and same sort of initial phone call 3 hours of her life saga and then blanked - all 11 of us had been done. I think there is something seriously wrong either personality, executive function etc something. But it wasn’t me- huge relief.

Dont over analyse she will be busy. I sent out invites to my sons birthday party and one mum still hasnt answered. It makes no difference to me and her i pass her and say hi every morning. I will remind her nearer the time and if nothing it doesnt matter one less to pay for. This is our childrens lives not ours she is not a friend it isnt personal.

I’m genuinely surprised at the overwhelming number of people who don’t think it’s rude to ignore an invitation for their child to come over. Yes people miss messages of course they do. If it was a “hey how are you” it’s different to an invitation though. I know something could be going on for her but we do have mutual friends who she has seen so she isn’t dealing with anything so catastrophic that she can’t make any plans. I do think she could have declined the invitation instead of just ignoring me but judging by the response on here maybe it’s ok to ignore invitations for months!

So easy to miss one message - come on. Just invite the kid over for a playdate.

It is rude.

it is also common.

both things can be true.

falls in the category of rude but we’ve all done it.

You've not really read all the responses have you ?

What everyone is pointing out to you is that she most likely hasn't chosen
to ignore an invitation for their child to come over, she saw it when it was sent, was unable to reply instantly for any of a myriad of reasons, and then just forgot.

Is there a reason why you didn't follow up a week later with "We are heading out to the park this afternoon, Oliver was wondering if James would like to come with us?" or "We're going to get the paddling pool out tomorrow, does James want to come round and play?" etc.

Wow judging by the replies everyone on here is rude as fuck. No one really forgets to reply to a message. They just can’t be arsed.

The thing is I don’t forget to reply to messages from people I care about/ respect/ am trying to build some kind of polite or friendly relationship with. Yes of course I’ve missed messages occasionally but usually from very close friends who I’m in regular contact with and it’s all more casual. A school mum I don’t know well who invited my child over - I wouldn’t miss it and I wouldn’t ignore it. I’m not making this up it’s how I feel and how I know I am, that’s why I asked MN because to me to ignore that or forget that message is a big deal.

the reason I haven’t messaged again is because it would look pushy/ desperate. Like I mentioned her son has already been to us for a play date once a while ago and had never been invited back so to then message multiple times for another one would seem a bit crazy. And I know you’ll all say I’m crazy for starting this thread judging by your comments but none of the other parents I know behave like this!

I would argue the opposite is true.
The mum has no connection with you and you fit into the 'school admin' category, which if on holiday or she is stressing with work and childcare may take up more head space and is seen as less important.

If you were an established friend then you might have more importance as there is a connection already and she knows that she wants to maintain it.

I think it's fine for you to message again or to wait til school starts and ask again then.

Also do bear in mind not everyone does playdates. I can count on one hand how many we have done other the years.

Maybe she is just busy, why dp people have to come up with these backstories for why people do or dont do something

Yes in an ideal world every single person wpuld do exactly everything we want of them but if somome not replying to a message creates this much angst maybe there are other issues going on for you?

You sent a message they didnt reply so move on, is this really worth it?