School mum ignored play date invitation

[potatyo]

My DS is best friends with a couple of boys at school and I’m superficially friendly with the mums. We don’t know each other well but one of the boys has been to ours for a drop off play date a few months ago, and we chat at school events. All fine. The children are 8. My son was invited to this boys birthday (was a small one of just four) but he couldn’t make it that was months and months ago. We weren’t invited back to this boys for a play date after we had him at ours - again no pressure for this as I wasn’t expecting it just painting a picture.

My DS has been really keen to see his friend over the holidays and I know the friend really wanted a play date as well as when I saw the family before school broke up my son’s friend was begging me and his mum for another play date so I’m confident it’s not an issue with the friendship. About a month ago I messaged the mum inviting her son over and she read the message and completely ignored me. I wasn’t expecting an immediate response but isn’t that rude to just point blank ignore an invitation?

I start assuming she doesn’t like me or doesn’t want our children to be friends. My son is well behaved no behavioural problems. AIBU to expect a reply even if it’s to decline the invitation? With school going back soon I’m going to feel self conscious bumping into her now and I know as soon as I see her son he is going to ask to come over to ours again.

It's summer holidays. Lots of people have enough going on with family. She probably just forgot. Nothing stopping you inviting him again in a month or so.

1 poxy message and you have extrapolated this

has it occurred to you she read, meant to respond later and forgot?

I start assuming she doesn’t like me or doesn’t want our children to be friends

the poor woman hasn’t responded to one message sent a month ago at the start of the summer holidays!!

Why didn't you follow up as she probably just read it and forgot to reply?

Just ask again

What about the other boy with whom your son is besties with?

Some people forget. It is probably no big deal.

I wouldn’t overthink this: she most likely meant to reply, got distracted by a busy life, and then forgot, it happens to me quite often that I think I have replied, when I actually haven’t lol! Luckily my friends are similar and thus understanding.
Just do a short follow up, along the lines of, “hey, hope you’re well, just wondered if it was possible to fit in that play date?”
If no reply is forthcoming thereafter, I would leave it, but still not worry about why it might be the case, but consign her to the somewhat rude aisle..

You are overthinking it. If you don't want to re-message in case she sees the one she forgot about and is embarrassed, have a couple of boys over at the same time, or arrange to go to the park/swimming or something and start a group chat. I think with a fairly solid group of friends, it's normal to have a group chat for all the parents, so maybe start that. You don't have to start with invites, if you struggle with them, maybe just "is anyone else going to football camp next week..." or "this fun event is on at the park at the weekend, taking DS if any of your DSs want to join us?"

You are projecting adult nonsense onto a much more straightforward kids friendship, kids would just ask and accept a no, then be fine asking again. People forget more often when it's at one remove, they don't just answer straight away because they have to ask DS, check what DH has planned as he has the kids that day, might be going away etc. then it falls into the cracks. Totally normal and not remotely personal.

I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Perhaps if she had ignored 3 or 4 messages your concern would be warranted, but 1 can easily be explained by just being busy or distracted. Many parents spend the summer break juggling childcare, going abroad or away on holiday, worrying about finances etc. so organising play dates is not the top of the priority list.

Lord, just follow up, but probably after school starts because it’s the bank holiday and lots of people are busy.

I’ve spent the summer holidays trying to hold life together, and make sure the kids are okay, while trying to sleep every afternoon because I’m going through cancer treatment. If you message me and I’m half asleep, there’s a good chance I may open it, but I won’t absorb what’s being said and I will not remember to message you back.

You never know what’s going on with her. She may be ill like me. She may be a carer with children to drag around while she looks after a frail parent. She may have lost a parent or had a miscarriage or simply been on holiday with limited signal. Give her some grace. You are basically offering free childcare. Most people don’t turn that down because they don’t like the other parent (unless you’re a crackhead and a safeguarding concern).

Sorry, she missed one message?

everyone has done this at some point in their lives. You are overthinking it

She most probably forgot. I do get overwhelmed sometimes with texts and occasionally I have forgotten to respond.

Also you never know what is going on in peoples lives. I don’t take these things personally.

She almost certainly just read it and forgot to reply. I actually did similar at the start of the summer holidays and accidentally archived a WhatsApp message I meant to respond to and then completely forgot about it. It happens 🤷‍♀️

I’d imagine she read it got distracted and forgot to reply.

Ask one more time before jumping to this conclusion. There is no need to catastrophise about one unanswered message like this.

Yes she was rude not to reply.
Accept it and invite other children.
Do not invite the child again.
Accept that she isn't interested and move on.
This can happen.
Be breezy if you meet.
Invite other children over.
At that age they can make new friends, so go through the class.
One on one playdates can be fantastic to initially build a connection with a child.

She read it. Thought it would be nice. Didn't know all their summer plans so didn't reply straight away, forgot about it.

They may have been abroad on holiday/busy etc and then forgot to reply. Don't overthink it. Send another invite and if that gets no response then maybe you are correct but one non reply I wouldn't worry over.

She probably meant to reply but forgot to get back to you. Sometimes when the DC were younger and looking at my phone they’d open WhatsApp accidentally and I could miss the message.
I would not take it personally, if you both had agreed on a summer meet up before the break, it would be different.
Summer holidays are often spent frazzled.

Wait til they go back to school. When the boys see each other they’ll come out of school asking for a playdate so the mum won’t be able to refuse!!

Yeah - I’d just presume she forgot. Some people struggle with this sort of thing. Don’t take it personally.

I would forget about the ignored message and move on, could be various reasons why.

Best thing to do is ask her face to face when back at school; her reaction and response then will tell you how she feels. Though guessing she’ll say yes anyway, if you are in front of her! Just see if it happens or not, after.

This

Dont put down to malice what could be incompetence.

Have you forgotten anything over the summer? Probably.