School mum ignored play date invitation

[potatyo]

My DS is best friends with a couple of boys at school and I’m superficially friendly with the mums. We don’t know each other well but one of the boys has been to ours for a drop off play date a few months ago, and we chat at school events. All fine. The children are 8. My son was invited to this boys birthday (was a small one of just four) but he couldn’t make it that was months and months ago. We weren’t invited back to this boys for a play date after we had him at ours - again no pressure for this as I wasn’t expecting it just painting a picture.

My DS has been really keen to see his friend over the holidays and I know the friend really wanted a play date as well as when I saw the family before school broke up my son’s friend was begging me and his mum for another play date so I’m confident it’s not an issue with the friendship. About a month ago I messaged the mum inviting her son over and she read the message and completely ignored me. I wasn’t expecting an immediate response but isn’t that rude to just point blank ignore an invitation?

I start assuming she doesn’t like me or doesn’t want our children to be friends. My son is well behaved no behavioural problems. AIBU to expect a reply even if it’s to decline the invitation? With school going back soon I’m going to feel self conscious bumping into her now and I know as soon as I see her son he is going to ask to come over to ours again.

IME lots of people are absolute funny fuckers about playdates. You can't really do anything about it but remember that before you know it they'll be deciding for themselves who they want to hang about it so just do what you can and dom't take it to hear

Bloody hell

I would hedge a bet this is largely in your imagination … all these nasty nasty parents choosing to sideline your lovely 8 yo
🙄

There's been times when I've been responding to a WhatsApp message and then got distracted, maybe I was checking dates out, a call came in, whatever snd the message has gone to drafts and I have forgotten about it.

Yes she was rude not to reply.
Accept it and invite other children.
Do not invite the child again.
Accept that she isn't interested and move on.
This can happen
Unless you are that mum you cant possibly know that she isnt interested or rude. Mistakes happen.

Op, just phone and have a quick chat.

No she wasn't.

She has a LOT of kids!

I start assuming she doesn’t like me or doesn’t want our children to be friends

In the past, when my self esteem was lower, I'd have gone down that rabbit hole too

But now I'm older / more confident, I'd assume she was busy and forgot to reply

Sometimes it helps to reframe things and consciously think "How would a happy, confident person respond to that?" A bit of DIY CBT, if you will

The parents of DSs best friends had form for this. It happened repeatedly. It made me paranoid

i didn’t know that and just looked like multiple times they ignored you.

How many children means you don’t have time to reply to multiple messages?!

I think you are reading too much into it.

I once invited a mum who had previously said she could make a party we had invited us too and then cancelled on the day. We had another one and invited her and she didnt respond at any point. I didnt push, she has 3 kids and is really busy. I have not invited her again though.

she probably read it when she was busy and it slipped her mind. Have some dates in your mind and next time you see her at the school gate and the kids ask for a playdate organise one there and then

She’s most likely read it at a really awkward time and then forgotten all about it! Or maybe she likes her summers to spend time with her kids and doesn’t want him seeing friends as it’s family time. Don’t feel bad or awkward just say hello as normal when you see her on the school run and see how things go.

Ive been working full time over the holidays and there have been occasions where I have forgotten to reply to my dd friends mums. Not purposely but im working 8-5, 5 days a week and sometimes I read it, think il reply in a minute and then its gone out my head. Maybe this mum is in a similar boat. Just a friendly message to the mum just to say do you fancy a playdate on x date to remind her?

I do this to everyone and it's not on purpose !
I have three children and it's non stop and I have great intention to respond.. by the time I remember it's been and gone! Some moms are just disorganised and life is chaotic ! Don't automatically think she doesn't like you!

She's most likely busy and forgot.
That would be why I wouldn't respond to something.

There’s a Mum I have done this with. I can’t stand her and her little boy is extremely challenging. She is gagging for play dates so she can offload him. When he has come to ours he’s rude and hardwork and mean to my other children.

I just politely decline and then she started messaging my husband for play dates. She’s local so we see her now and then but she’s not at the same school.

In this case she may have just forgot or she’s not keen on having a play date.

They see each other at school so wait till then to ask face to face if x would like to come to tea etc...

It's summer holidays! My children were going to have play dates with their friends, they didnt materialise as we were on holiday nearly 3 weeks and then straight back to work, life is vv busy. It was left up in the air and I just never got back to them as we are busy everyday until the end of the hols now. I can't imagine any of these mums think I secretly dislike them (I'm friendly with them!) and I imagine they correctly guess that we are just busy and don't have time for a play date now.

I imagine she read the message, didn't know when she was free/was away at the time/out/busy, then the message is buried down the bottom of the page and she has forgot to reply. I often do this, lots of people message me, I'm in so many group chats where messages are thick and fast so I message over a week ago will be way down my active conversations list. If you really wanted to have a playdate message again.

Just ask her face to face then you won't have to ask complete strangers who don't know her and haven't got a clue what she's thinking .
Face to face or call her.

There are ALOT of times where I've looked at a message, made a mental note to reply later on when I know for sure or not but then completely forgotten I havent replied to said message.
Send her another message.

Lots of people on here will tell you that people are busy blah blah but the reality is, noone is that busy. They are just rude.
Noone is demanding you let the person know straight away but you should acknowledge the invitation. A simple "thank you for the invitation, I'll let you know by XX date" is perfectly fine and takes a few seconds. It doesn't matter if it's a wedding invitation or just a simple kids' playdate, if someone has been nice enough to think of you, it's ignorant AF to ignore them, unless they gave done something really horrible to you.

However, I can say that it's probably a her issue and not a you issue. Bad manners are shockingly common these days. Far too many have absolutely no idea how to behave and how to treat people.

Just take solace in the fact that as soon as your kids are old enough to make their own arrangements you can stop having anything to do with her rude ass

I start assuming she doesn’t like me or doesn’t want our children to be friends.

This is a wild assumption to make from one un-replied-to message, and taking it ridiculously personally. Why on earth would you assume that rather than...she forgot...she was really busy ...she has been on holiday....she has had other significant family issues going on etc?

I would have messaged again a week or so later with something like "I hope you are enjoying the summer. we are thinking of going to the park tomorrow, and wondering if XX would like to come - I can pick him up and drop him off"

I talked to her and she was always very honest and upfront about it. I have a good relationship with her now and she has invited me for drinks subsequently.

So I think you are trying to drive a narrative to suit your opinion rather than reflect my experience.

You joined the thread telling us about a mum who “had form for this” and didn’t mention anything about loads of kids and a good relationship. Re read it!!

The parents of DSs best friends had form for this. It happened repeatedly. It made me paranoid.

I was just saying that this must have been a bit shit for you!

She probably just forgot and/or had other stuff going on in her life.

She probably read it, put her phone down and forgot. Summer hoildays are busy for everyone with going away, hoilday clubs etc.

You are not being unreasonable to expect a response. 20 years ago when my kids were young it was expected that people would say yay or nay to an invite, not that difficult. People now (even adults for adult events) are just rude and ignore people’s messages. Everyone should respond to an invite it is NORMAL! Not responding is NOT NORMAL. Nothing (other than death or some huge life event) makes not responding to an invite acceptable. Bring back manners!

Oh don’t be so dramatic

one poxy message she missed