School mum ignored play date invitation

[potatyo]

My DS is best friends with a couple of boys at school and I’m superficially friendly with the mums. We don’t know each other well but one of the boys has been to ours for a drop off play date a few months ago, and we chat at school events. All fine. The children are 8. My son was invited to this boys birthday (was a small one of just four) but he couldn’t make it that was months and months ago. We weren’t invited back to this boys for a play date after we had him at ours - again no pressure for this as I wasn’t expecting it just painting a picture.

My DS has been really keen to see his friend over the holidays and I know the friend really wanted a play date as well as when I saw the family before school broke up my son’s friend was begging me and his mum for another play date so I’m confident it’s not an issue with the friendship. About a month ago I messaged the mum inviting her son over and she read the message and completely ignored me. I wasn’t expecting an immediate response but isn’t that rude to just point blank ignore an invitation?

I start assuming she doesn’t like me or doesn’t want our children to be friends. My son is well behaved no behavioural problems. AIBU to expect a reply even if it’s to decline the invitation? With school going back soon I’m going to feel self conscious bumping into her now and I know as soon as I see her son he is going to ask to come over to ours again.

Maybe she’s got loads on. Family problems or illness or works been busy and she’s been struggling.
Just pop her a message, saying Hi I hope you’ve had a good summer. Would great for the boys to catch up soon.
Don’t overthink it. Easy to say I know as I’ve done it!

Totally this! Then felt stressed that she'd not answered in ages and would now be considered rude and is totally uncomfortable about this whole thing now. Just text her and ask again and put her out of her misery at thinking you hate her now!

Don’t take it to heart op. She’ll likely get back to you at some point and say they’ve been super busy. 💕

She might be on holiday having fun, out for the day, busy at work… All sorts of reasons. People open with a view to replying later then forget to reply. It doesn’t have to be deep or malicious. I recommend you get out more.

It’s still summer holidays & a bank holiday weekend she’s probably just thinking ‘must reply to that message when I get a chance’.

The parents of DSs best friends had form for this. It happened repeatedly. It made me paranoid.

However the boys adored each other and it slowly became apparent it wasn't dislike, it's just flakey parents with too much on and forgetting to reply.

Theyve got much better as the boys have got older.

I learnt not to take it personally and to just ask in person when I could rather than message. It was much more effective.

I think being patient and not getting upset in the long run has been better all round. The parents know and understand we are chill and they can just sort it at the last minute if needed.

If the friendship is one that really matters everyone will get there in the end.

This wasn't always easy with DS. We were just honest with him that we just hadn't had a reply and his parents were probably just busy or away. And then we just went and did something else.

Don't make a big deal of it.

“Form” for what?

Not replying to one message sent at the start of the summer hols?

There’s two best friends but the Op doesn’t mention inviting the other one?

We've all got phones, we all know how quick and easy it is to reply. It takes seconds.
For the sake of your ds I'd just think whatever and ask again but yes agree it is shit to ignore an invite.

Probably read and forgot to reply. If I have been away on holiday I might read to check if it's something urgent but if not think I will reply another time.

Just sent another message asking if they want to do something if they are still off school this week.

In regards to my experience.

The parents didn't reply to multiple messages over a number of years.

There were nice interactions and replies and play dates at other points between this.

But it wasn't uncommon for them to not reply to messages.

So yes 'form'.

A one off really is absolutely nothing and even if it happens multiple times it's not worth taking personally either.

It will work out.

She’s probably though oh I’ll reply to that and sort something when we have a spare day.

then forgot.

then thought I must reply and sort it.

then forgot.

and is now thinking oh god I forgot and now it looks like I’ve ignored it and it’ll be embarrassing in I reply now…

Chances are she forgot - ask again .

However I do have experience of a mum doing this repeatedly . She was part of a clique and I wasn’t - my assumption was that it was just easier to hang out with the clique families . Yes it was rude and yes it upset my son . However they are now sixth form age and are still close friends - once they went to secondary they sorted all meet ups out themselves . It maybe you’ve picked up on something as I did . You certainly aren’t mad for thinking it

Right - so nothing like the situation at hand.

That parent was basically telling you in a spineless way - not interested!!!

She very likely forgot. No big deal.

I think you are maybe reading too much into this.

It is likely she saw the message when it came through, read it, wasn't in a position to immediately reply and has since just completely forgotten.

That is what I would assume has happened. I wouldn't jump to conclusions based on this.

Why not message again and offer up another invite for after they have gone back to school? If she reads and doesn't reply again, then yes, there may be an issue that you can then address if you want to.

Chances are when she see's the 2nd message she will feel awful about not replying to the first and apologise.

Some people are just like this with messages. The mum of one of my DD's besties hasn't replied to my message suggesting a playdate over summer, and she also didn't show up at DD's birthday party after accepting the invitation because they decided to go on a last-minute holiday, and didn't think to let me know.

When I talk to her in person she's always genuinely nice and doesn't appear to have any problems with the friendship between her DD and mine. I think she's just not great at messaging and/or making plans 🤷‍♀️

Maybe she was annoyed your DS didn't go the birthday party.

You might be overthinking this/projecting your own insecurities. Everyone forgets to reply from time to time. This is why I turned off read receipts in WhatsApp.

You are overthinking this massively.

This is why I turned off read receipts in WhatsApp.

Yes, same. We all forget to reply sometimes, especially in the holidays.

She is probbaly on holiday and read it in the middle of something and forgot to reply when they got back x

I'd message again-sometimes I've seen a message, meant to reply, but when I've had something serious going on, like a relative in hospital, just forgotten it. It's not good, but we're all only human. If the person then sent another "Hi, you never got back to me, do you want to meet?" I'd realise I'd been rude and send an immediate apology and explain.
If she doesn't reply then, she really is rude and I'd forget her.

"superficially friendly' was enough op, it sounds like you are being entirely fake, and quite frankly people have better things to do in the summer holidays than spend it with fake friends. I am sure they are spending their time with real friends for example.

I honestly wouldn't read to much into this. We all have busy lives and some parents quite honestly just can't be bothered with play dates (righty or wrongly) she maybe feels a bit embarrassed that this will be the 2nd time her son's been to yours and she hasn't had your son back. Maybe she's been meaning to get round to sorting out a play date with your son but for what ever reason hasn't got round to it and it's one of those things she's put to the back of her mind for the minute

Oh, the joys of social media! Life was so much easier before mobile phones……..yes, I suppose I’m a dinosaur but seriously???……..why let something so menial get you so worked up OP?
The other mum could be having to cope with far greater things than a missed play date…….leave it and move on.