AIBU sleeping arrangement

[strawberrylemons]

I’m visiting my parents this weekend, as are my 2 sisters (we’re all adults 23,29 and 32). I’m bringing my husband, sisters are going alone. I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant with twins, this is relevant.
all the bedrooms have a single bed in them, prior to pregnancy id just share with my husband and we’d have a bad nights sleep but get over it. Now im pregnant sleeping is a bit more uncomfortable and I need a pillow under my belly etc. so someone has to sleep on the sofa. I can’t make hubby sleep on the sofa because the living room is the walk way through to the kitchen so he’d have no privacy. So the options are for pregnant me or my sisters to go on the sofa. I’ve asked both my sisters if they’d give their bed up for me, they’ve both said no. My one sister even had a tantrum over it and said she just won’t visit if I’m going to take “her” bed (bear in mind she hasn’t lived at my parents house for 7 years).
I’m feeling a little disappointed in my sisters and that they wouldn’t let their pregnant sister have a bed for a weekend. My parents have offered their bed to my husband and I as a result but it doesn’t seem fair as they are both older and need the bed too.
Am I being unreasonable expecting someone to give up a bed for me? I would never ask at any other time in my life, it’s just one weekend during my pregnancy.

Given you are having twins, this is going to be a problem going forward. So set the expectation now and stay in the cheapest hotel you can afford. Which is what you will have to do once you visit with the babies.

You could sleep on the sofa

The other option is to get a hotel room. You will probably be a lot more comfortable. And you will have your own space to retreat to if it gets too much for you

He hasnt refused, not at all, I’ve made that decision for him. I refuse to let a guest, in the family home, sleep on the sofa. Yes he’s my husband and “he’s family” but he isn’t super close to my family, it’s not his home, he deserves a private space and I feel the same when my brother in law visits, he’s made comfortable too.
yes to some people this seems like I’m being difficult but making guests feel welcome is so important to me, I won’t argue it anymore.

There is no need to fit in an airbed. If your husband doesn't want to sleep on the sofa (have you even asked him?) then just use a spare duvet folded over and he can sleep on that on the floor. Fine for a couple of nights. I'm sure there is the width of a person space in the room?

Can he not just sleep on the floor, minus air mattress. If not, and he won’t sleep on the sofa he stays at home or you both visit at a different time to your Sisters.

You're saying "it's the only option" while insisting your DH can't possibly sleep on the sofa. So, seeing as how you don't want your father or mother to sleep on it and your sisters are not volunteering to do that either, you've no solution. So either stay in a hotel for the visit, or let your DH sleep on the sofa.

Just visit a different weekend or sleep on the sofa yourself. Your husband sleeping on the sofa for 1 weekend would be fine though, you are making a bigger issue of this than it needs to be.

You can’t “refuse to let a guest” sleep on the sofa while not being the one to give up a bed though. It doesn’t work like that.
No one else thinks your husband deserves more private space than his SILs in their family home.
Your only option is to not attend if you feel so strongly about your sisters sleeping in their own beds.

Maybe too short notice for this visit but could your mum get second hand bunk beds for one room?

can you post a photo? Someone may have an idea?

Yeah but it’s not your house and your sisters don’t want to sleep on the sofa so however you look at it, a compromise needs to be made. You can’t decide all the guest rules in a house that isn’t yours. What you want isn’t more important than what your sisters want because the house isn’t any of yours.

You have your bed. Husband on sofa. Other options book a hotel or husband stay at home and just have a weekend with your family.

Surely this is going to become an even bigger problem once the twins arrive and when sisters get partners.

You just won’t be able to all sleep over.

Sofa or bare floor on some blankets for him since it’s such a tight fit. I wouldn’t give up my bed for my siblings partner either tbh.

Temu here could be your friend. They sell a cheap airbed that converts a car backseat into double bed assuming you have a car. If he’s bothered this is a good option.

Personally I’d sleep on the sofa and give no shits about privacy if it wasn’t for the dogs which I am allergic too . So car option would be fine for me.

is also be as akward as F when DS what me to do anything they ask in future.

Whatever happens this time, you need to have a proper conversation with your parents, as ultimately they have caused this by either inviting more guests than they have room for or by saying yes to the last guest coming when they knew there wasn't space and expecting you to suck it up.

We had to have a similar conversation with my ILs after having children. It's lovely, in theory, that when we visit (we live furthest away) the other siblings want to see us and want to come as well, but families with babies couldn't just be stuck on camping mats in a big line with all the random cousins, more the merrier style, like they suggested.

The first time they said yes to too many people and we had to book a hotel, despite being the initial guests, they realised and helped pay towards it. Now when we plan to see them, we check they have the rooms assigned for us. Luckily SIL has a close friend her and her family can stay with on the next street. She worked that out herself, so it's possible if your parents can get over saying yes to everyone and seeing it as "their rooms," then you can move forwards to the next stage where they are the grandparents, rather than the parents with a family home.

You're being ridiculous. Your husband sleeps on the sofa and gets up when your parents get up to see to the dogs. He isn't too precious of a princess to do that, I promise.

It is weird you would make such an issue of this, to the point of not seeing your family, when your DH is then perfectly happy to sleep on the sofa.

You’re really turning this into a huge issue when there’s no need.

Great idea but wouldn’t arrive by tomorrow

I don’t understand why DH can’t sleep on the sofa? You keep talking about his “privacy”. Is he obsessive about having an 8am wank or something?

You haven’t even asked him if he minds the sofa, so it makes it look like you are engineering a situation where you get preferential treatment because you’re pregnant.

This isn’t your home - you aren’t ’hosting’ a guest in this scenario. You and your husband are choosing to visit your parents. There’s nowhere for him to sleep in a bed so he stays home, sleeps on the couch or does something involving a floor somewhere. I think him staying home is the obvious solution. (Or honestly both of you just choosing any other weekend!) but that’s up to you. You aren’t letting the family down by your sisters choosing to sleep in their old rooms, it’s not your house and you can’t magic up different rooms or furniture.

What about a double air mattress and you both sleep in the lounge? Plenty of families do that.

it is literally the last time this will happen so you just need to get through this and then you’ll never have to worry about it again.

thank you!

I have no idea why OP is annoyed they aren't giving up the bed for her. She has a bed, in her bedroom. The issue is where her husband is going to sleep. If he doesn't want to sleep in the living room and would prefer to make his heavily pregnant wife sleep there instead then that is his issue, not his sister in law's to solve.

If he doesn't want to sleep in the living room, you need to pay for a hotel or just not go/not stay the night. You've asked your sisters to give up "their" rooms (for your husband), they've said no, that's the end of it. Going forward your parents will have to decide how they manage the space when you all visit, particularly if you bring a baby as well.

Essentially I think you'll have to accept you can't all visit and stay over at the same time from now on - most families understand this is an inevitability as families grow. Whether that means you take it in turns to go home or get a hotel, whatever.

So you want one of your sisters to sleep on the sofa but not your dh? Yabu. You are all guests in the house what difference does it make. You sound entitled - yes absolutely you should have a bed, your dh gives up the bed for you, sorted! Or can he have a camping mat on the floor if your room if he is that precious about the sofa. Unnecessary drama imo

I briefly mentioned that we’d have to sort something out, but I don’t want him to feel he has to say “yeah I’ll sleep on the sofa” because he’s a good man and I know he would, but I know that he wouldn’t be comfortable. He’s a shy man from a small family, it’s just him and his mum, no cousins nothing and he finds it overwhelming when my family all get together but he always comes to family events despite it not being his thing. I feel like he needs a space he can retreat to when it gets a bit much. I want to do what I can to make sure he feels welcome and comfortable.
Also the family generally stay up til 11/12 chatting in the living room, he’ll slip away around 10 and go to bed, he’s never been one to stay up late, so he does need that space, it would be awful if he had to wait for everyone to go to bed so he can finally rest!

Jesus Christ 😳

Surely though when you rock up and it comes to bed time once your DH sees that either you are sleeping on the sofa or your parents are moving out of their room he will just say its ridiculous and he will sleep on the sofa.
I know you don't want him to but if I were him I would insist on it.