AIBU sleeping arrangement

[strawberrylemons]

I’m visiting my parents this weekend, as are my 2 sisters (we’re all adults 23,29 and 32). I’m bringing my husband, sisters are going alone. I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant with twins, this is relevant.
all the bedrooms have a single bed in them, prior to pregnancy id just share with my husband and we’d have a bad nights sleep but get over it. Now im pregnant sleeping is a bit more uncomfortable and I need a pillow under my belly etc. so someone has to sleep on the sofa. I can’t make hubby sleep on the sofa because the living room is the walk way through to the kitchen so he’d have no privacy. So the options are for pregnant me or my sisters to go on the sofa. I’ve asked both my sisters if they’d give their bed up for me, they’ve both said no. My one sister even had a tantrum over it and said she just won’t visit if I’m going to take “her” bed (bear in mind she hasn’t lived at my parents house for 7 years).
I’m feeling a little disappointed in my sisters and that they wouldn’t let their pregnant sister have a bed for a weekend. My parents have offered their bed to my husband and I as a result but it doesn’t seem fair as they are both older and need the bed too.
Am I being unreasonable expecting someone to give up a bed for me? I would never ask at any other time in my life, it’s just one weekend during my pregnancy.

It wouldn’t be awful, it’d be fine for one weekend. He’s a fully grown adult, not a baby.

It doesn’t sound like your parents’ house is big enough for all of you to visit at once. It certainly won’t be when you have twins and al their paraphernalia.

You’ve rejected all the suggestions that have been given. So, DH can’t possibly sleep o. the sofa, on an airbed, in bed with you, on the floor next to you. You can’t afford a hotel.

So, you can-
Go without DH.
Visit at a different time to your sisters.
Invite everyone to yours.

Could you have an airbed in the living room beside the sofa? That way he's not feeling awkward alone when people pass through? One of you on the sofa, the other the airbed? I know I'd feel awkward in someone else's house on my own, in a communal room, but it'd be alot better if my DH was beside me.

I don't really understand why it's not OK for your husband to sleep on the sofa - he has become a member of the family, right? And as long as he makes sure he's in nightwear, I don't see the problem if your mum appears to deal with the dogs? My DH would think nothing of sleeping on the sofa in this scenario.

And regarding the bit about chatting till 11 or 12 - it's only a couple of nights, he'll survive!

Sorry but I can’t see any valid reason why your DH can’t kip on the sofa. Does he sleep naked? Or with a pink thong on? So what if people get up and let the dogs out? Is he not capable of saying ‘Morning John! Looks like a lovely day! Shall I pop the kettle on?’

And then he gets off the sofa, which will be covered with a duvet, wearing a nice respectable set of M&S men’s PJs and get up and talk to your family!

What’s the issue? I don’t get it. My DH or Dad will have always taken one for the team and always drawn the short straw when it comes to sharing beds or driving or having the toast that fell on the floor.

He sounds a drip! Just kip on the sofa! You say you are all familiar and comfortable with each other.

It’s not your house @strawberrylemons. You have moved out as have your siblings therefore it is up to the hosts, your parents, to make the decision.

If they are unwilling to tell one of your sisters to take the sofa then your DH will have to or you take your parents up on the offer to have the double bed.

As someone will be up early to let the dogs out perhaps a parent on the sofa for the night is the easiest soloution.

Dont bring your husband then. Same as your sisters

Do you and your sisters all need to visit at the same time? Is this a special occasion? If not, I'd just visit your parents when your siblings aren't going too.

There is no way that you will be able to stay with your parents when your sisters are there once you have given birth to your twins so visiting separately from your sisters will then be the new normal. Just start it a bit earlier.

Can't DH let the dogs out if he's on the sofa ! Mum can have a lie in then !

OP, you are pregnant, you dont want to be worrying about trivia like this and you dont want to be falling out with family at this time.

Stop mollycoddling your husband. He’s a grown man and about to be a father. Tell him the situation and leave it to him to resolve. He can balance up the cost of a hotel with the discomfort of one late night & early morning.

Whatever you do, DO NOT end up sleeping on the sofa yourself! Youre pregnant and deserve some coddling yourself. Ideally by the man who impregnated you.

You mentioned a brother in law in one of your posts. So presumably one of your sisters isn't bringing their DH. I think it would be best for your DH to also stay at home for the weekend.
Alternatively, if it means that much to you that he has a decent bed then I would sleep on the sofa myself. Personally even the bed was very uncomfortable when I was pregnant so it wouldn't have made much difference to me if I was sleeping on the sofa or the bed as very little sleeping actually happened.

The real issue is that you are annoyed with your sisters because you think they should be showing more deference to you and your condition.

Doesn’t sound like they are going to budge (and why should they) so it’s you on the sofa if you refuse for it to be your DH or to take up your parents’ offer. Not ideal but not impossible at 20 weeks ‘with twins’. You could, in fact, lie on a blow up mattress in the living room.

Exactly what I just said. I can’t see the issue at all. If I told my DH he had to sleep on my parents sofa for a couple of nights. His reaction would be ‘Bloody ‘ell alright’.

You’re pregnant and it’s your sister’s family home - he’s the obvious choice to go on the sofa.

Or her husband has a brother

Your so unreasonable you want your dsis sisters to give up their bed for your dh nkt you. Why does he get priority because hes a man?

I think some people are genuinely baffled by the notion that many people sleep on single beds while growing up in the parental home. I've read claims that couples "cannot possibly" sleep in a teensy weensy double bed; nothing smaller than a super sized emperor bed will do. I can only presume that they also have toddlers sprawling about in king sized beds in their huge homes.

Speaking as someone who grew up sleeping in a single bed in a room that had space for nothing more than said bed and a chest of drawers, with only a couple of inches between them, it really is another world. 🤷

No she said it was just him and his mum which is why he finds her family overwhelming and needs his own room to retreat to.

Yeah I can see lots of people on here seem to think I’m being difficult because my husband is a man, the fact he’s a man has nothing to do with it, it’s because, although technically family, he is more of a guest in that house than the rest of us. I’d be the same if it was a woman who was staying over, I’d never let a guest go without a bed. I’m just trying to make sure he’s comfortable, he doesn’t love big family events (he’s from a small family) so I want him to have a room he can disappear to.
when my auntie stayed at my parents house, I slept on the sofa so she could have my old childhood room, it’s nothing to do with men, it’s all to do with them being a guest and i thought nothing of it, it was just the done thing!

Either don't go or stay in a hotel or a B & B. Or go on the sofa yourself.

Maybe your sisters don’t want to sleep on the sofa incase your dh comes wondering through.

Just another thought there.

Our house has two double rooms and a single. There's no way we can get a second mattress or airbed in the single room, not a chance even with just a bed in the room. When my teenage stepdaughter stays over, when ever she's brought a friend for the weekend, she has to either make a nest on the floor so her friend can take the bed (she's petite, so the shortest of her friends), or both girls sleep on our pull out sofa downstairs. Not ideal for them as we have small children (who share the other double room) so that results in a very early wake up for them 😂. OP, totally understand the dynamic. You aren't prioritising your husband, just that you know you or your sisters will feel relaxed drooling and snoozing with your parents pottering about at 6am. However, you might be trying to manage everyone's expectations and feelings too much. Your husband can likely shoulder the minor weight of feeling a little awkward in the mornings. It will likely pass. As for your sisters, I don't know what to say, but let your husband support you by taking the sofa.

No, people aren’t thinking all rooms are huge. people are thinking one of 3 single rooms may have space to fit an air mattress on the floor. It’s unusual for a house to have 1 double bedroom and 3 tiny box rooms that can’t fit a human next to a single bed. There’s no need to dramatise what people are saying

Do you need to visit the same time as your sisters? Can you do this visit alone?

How long have you been with him? is he that much of a guest or part of the family?

I don’t think sleeping on my in-laws settee would be my favourite thing but I’d do it (although I don’t think people would be allowed to sleep on their settee- as they are very posh and it’s not the done thing).

Husband staying home is the best option. You get time with your family, he gets a weekend to himself which he won’t get for years once a baby arrives. Or he sleeps on the sofa and wear PJs. Your mum walking through is a non issue, he’ll be decent!

If you don’t want your husband on the sofa (which no one wants to do because it’s a terrible nights sleep even without the what time everyone gets up goes to bed logistics) you either get a hotel

don’t go
Or finally, go on your own