AIBU to feel hurt about last minute party cancellations?

[HR313]

Long story short but feeling a bit let down and sad - my daughter is due to have her party this weekend and handed out invites back in June before her friends at pre school and nursery finished for summer - we had so many invites declined for various reasons and in the last few days had at least 3 people pull out of her party. We still have plenty of children attending but some of the friends we invited we are quite close with and feel like they just couldn’t care less lots of ‘sorry to let you down’ but it’s just left a bitter taste in my
mouth. I always like to put effort into other friends and others we know but after this I just feel like why bother. I don’t know what I’m asking but just feel upset on my daughters behalf I know she won’t mind and will be too busy playing at her party to really notice I think it’s more me that feels hurt by the number of people that have either pulled out last minute or feeling like they have better things going on, when we have celebrated their child’s party in the past..

Well now you know who they really are. Sadly you will find you don't really trust them anymore to be reliable or keep their word. So many people like this.

I know it’s frustrating, OP and I can sympathise. We held our DD’s party three weeks after her birthday because of Easter, with plenty of notice and some people were still flakey. But also agree with PPs about a bank holiday weekend not being ideal for a child’s party, maybe something to bear in mind for the future.

Try not to worry too much, your DC will still enjoy the party, kids are less bothered than we are about these things.

I d the same, my oldest daughters birthdays is always the Easter school holidays we do her party the first or second weekend after they are back at school.

Bank Holiday weekend people do have other things to do, back in June they probably hadn't realised it was the bank holiday, I only realised a couple of weeks ago.

You've given invitations out with a wedding style lead time, but it's a pre schoolers party on the BH weekend. I wouldn't be surprised if quite a few don't turn up because they've simply forgotten.
The party is important to you but for everyone else it's just another small child's party. Enjoy the day and don't get too hung up on things.

But you wouldn't accept a party invitation tgen id hope

Shocked at the number of people who think it's OK to accept an invitation before pulling out close to the date because they've made better plans.

You either book your trip around it or don't accept in the first place.

It is hard when you have put time and effort into your child’s party and you want everything to be perfect for them but OP it sounds as though your child will still have a brilliant day and you have learnt a lesson for future years.

All my children have holiday birthdays (one Christmas, one summer, one Easter) and I have learnt over the years that what works best is to do a family celebration on the day (e.g. theatre trip, Go Ape) and then have their party a few weeks ahead of or after the actual day. My Christmas baby has had parties in January, February and even a half birthday in June! The summer one is July so we usually do the party early July before schools break up. Easter is a bit easier but always avoid the holidays.

It's bad form to accept then cancel, but you're setting yourself up for disappointment by having a party on the bank holiday weekend.

Lots of people want to keep it free, even if they don't have any plans booked, because they might feel like going away at the last minute. But then they feel bad for refusing the invite when they don't have anything actually booked and may well be around. Of course they should commit one way or the other and then stick to it, but it does remove the sense of freedom that usually comes with a bank holiday. We're in that situation this weekend (a family party, not a child's party) and tbh I am a bit sad that our last chance to go somewhere as a family before the kids go back to school has been lost. But we've committed to the invitation and so will stick to it.

Completely agree.

Also, there’s a late August bank holiday every year! If you’d like to go away for this year’s one, you should probably have thought about it long before now.

My kids will miss clubs for parties, and we’ll attend all through the year without fail, but summer holidays are for family. If we have the chance to go away, there’s no chance I’d stay home for a kids party. And of course you have make last minute BH plans; we have. We are going away for a long weekend, booked 2 weeks ago.

OK?

My daughter is August 31st and when young we usually did early September for a party. Now she’s older she just has a trip out with a few friends but that happened a few weeks ago because most are on holiday this weekend.

For all parties I have always made sure my kids absolute best friends are available and then booked around that.

Invites in June to a late August kids party is a long time and other plans will be made.

As the mother of 3 school holiday birthday children, never do parties in the school holidays especially August. This year was the first year I thought I’d do a small party at home as most people seemed to be around, only 2 could make it. So I’m back to doing it in September for her.

I would also prepare her as she gets older to not expect her friends to remember her birthday. I’m also a school holidays birthday person, my friends never seemed to make the same effort and regularly forgot my birthday. It’s happening with my DDs now, but I did warn them it can happen. It’s not that their friends don’t care it’s just a very out of sight out of mind situation.

That's disappointing OP - but tbh I agree with pp, bank holiday weekend is really not a good weekend for a party, and lots of people wouldn't have known in June what they would be doing Aug Bank Hol and its unreasonable not to expect people to go away for 3 days (for example) because of a 2hour party in the middle.

Which is absolutely fair enough but if that’s the case for these people then why did they accept in the first place.

I think it’s timing rather than anything personal. Have the party end of term or start of term next time. In June people wouldn’t know their bank holiday plans yet.

Depends whether they’ve got valid reasons or not really.

But I will say one of my children has an August birthday and it’s a nightmare for parties as it’s always school holidays and people are always away. Best to hold it early just before school breaks up or maybe in your case, once school starts again in early September.

My ds has his birthday between Xmas and New Year, when no-one wants to commit and things pop up for families unexpectedly. It looks experimentation to find the most suitable time for a party - before Xmas, on the day itself, January, totally random time months afterwards. We used to try a different option every year to see what worked. I suggest you do the same.

You now know that sending invites out in June for a late August birthday is probably not the thing to do. If you try it again next year, the same thing is likely to happen, for all the reasons people have given.

I've had parents turning up to our kids parties saying "we were so glad when we remembered you were doing this, we didn't have anything on this weekend"

or cancelling

people are shit

as long as your kid has enough people present and enjoys herself, it really doesn't matter at all, you can't take it personally

I suspect there may have been a few people like your husband who didn't click. What may not have helped also is that it's on the 31st this year so feels that bit later even though we all technically know it's the last Monday in August - I know Mum got it wrong and only realised after her best friend said something a couple of weeks ago.

We went away last year and booked 3 days before going😂. Not everyone plans their holidays months in advance!

Some people just do this. She doesnt sound very old so Im sure she wont mind or notice. Good idea going forward to have the party in early September.

Always avoid bank holidays for parties.

Try not to take it personally OP. Happened to me a lot as a child having an August birthday.

I remember having the opposite problem once. My daughters birthday is Christmas Day, so we usually booked the party in no man’s land (that period after Christmas where everyone doesn’t know the day of the week).

One time, EVERY child turned up PLUS siblings, not a stealth boast at all, I hadn’t done nowhere enough food or party bags, accounting for the usual drop outs. Then I realised, that the reason every child came certainly wasn’t because my daughter or myself was popular. It was just simply because people were off work and didn’t have much to do at that time of the year.

People are fickle OP. Hope your daughter has a lovely party 🥳.