AIBU to feel hurt about last minute party cancellations?

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Long story short but feeling a bit let down and sad - my daughter is due to have her party this weekend and handed out invites back in June before her friends at pre school and nursery finished for summer - we had so many invites declined for various reasons and in the last few days had at least 3 people pull out of her party. We still have plenty of children attending but some of the friends we invited we are quite close with and feel like they just couldn’t care less lots of ‘sorry to let you down’ but it’s just left a bitter taste in my
mouth. I always like to put effort into other friends and others we know but after this I just feel like why bother. I don’t know what I’m asking but just feel upset on my daughters behalf I know she won’t mind and will be too busy playing at her party to really notice I think it’s more me that feels hurt by the number of people that have either pulled out last minute or feeling like they have better things going on, when we have celebrated their child’s party in the past..

Like pp, my youngest is towards the tail end of the summer hols. I rapidly realised that handing out invites the first day back in Sept with the party 2nd or 3rd weekend much better idea!

It's just a timing thing.

August Bank Holiday weekend will be busy with people having a last minute break/BBQs/back to school prep. People probably won't have plans next weekend so in future it might be easier to do a September party.

We have similar as DS has a Christmas birthday. We do a family celebration on the day but have his party in early Jan when everyone is back from holidays/visiting family and no one has any plans.

Agree its just the way for summer birthdays. I had a party last year in July and had lots of last min call offs with people who had said yes before summer then having trips booked by time holidays come round. My dc birthday is always first week back after summer hols so always had parties at least 2 weeks after birthday

Birthdays during the various holidays, beginning of school year or very end are tough, I think. Both my dc (still quite young and not yet in school) have birthdays during those times, so until some friends become a bit established i'm not even trying to organize birthday parties and we're just doing our small family. I'd love to give them a party, though, so once they have some solid friends I will.

I also have an August born. He is bang in the middle so doing a July/sept party doesn’t seem reasonable. Her birthday being this late on in the summer I would have opted for a September party and maybe that’s to be considered in the future: for my son: this year we just went the local park, I made a picnic and took a birthday cake and just txt people and said we are going to the park on Friday at this time for zach’s birthday day out if you can make it: I ended up with 15 kids there and he had the best day!! Best of all it cost me £100 to do a picnic instead of £400-£500 for a party

I find it quite shocking that people seem unable to use a diary , rsvp an invitation and barring extreme circumstances bloody stick to it. It’s not just kids parties. It’s invites in general. We were taught from a very early age that ‘first invites come first’ which means IF you have accepted an invitation, then you don’t dump it for ‘a better offer’ . If you can’t/don’t want to commit then don’t accept. Any other behaviour is just appalling manners

I have late July and early August - the August one specifically we had about a 50% hit rate to our invites, and another one or two that were last minute cancellations as they had 'big weekends'. I think next year I'm going to just do small trips!

Unfortunately people won't prioritise a pre-school/nursery party if they have something else to do, which is likely to be the case for the bank holiday weekend. They are more likely to do so when the children are older and stronger friends.

But, I feel your pain as the mother of a son whose 4th birthday was over the May bank holiday weekend where 9 out of 12 guests dropped out (and some didn't bother to tell me). I think the trouble is everyone assumes they are the only one and it won't matter, not realising that so many others have done the same thing.

We have 2 bank holiday birthdays and have learnt not to do parties on the bank holiday weekend. We do a family thing on the day (often away) and a party a week or two after.

My birthday is usually on the bank holiday weekend. This is normal. It’s shit but completely common for people to
have other plans. In future go with the weekend after and you’ll have a better turnout

People are not going to prioritise a kids birthday party on a long weekend.

This sort of flakiness drives me crazy. Either commit or decline, barring some sort of disaster.

I had one woman say she was coming to my DC's party only to drop out for feeble reasons on the day two years in a row. I didn't bother inviting her in future years.

Sure, it's a bank holiday, but I still think if you've rsvpd yes, you shouldnt bail because you've had a better offer.

Having said that, I would plan future parties for September in future to minimise the chances of this happening.

It's this OP. My DH would get frustrated if we could all head away for the long weekend but the whole family was style cramped by a dc party. It's made worse by the fact that often people make these plans closer when they know what the weather is like, so June rsvps will be more inaccurate.

I'm sorry it's happened because it is disappointing, but I don't think it is personal.

Sometimes a good time for summer birthdays is when they break up from school OP, as it can act as a kind of end of year party too, and people still have their head in the school social circle and want to be part of that.

I'm sorry - I promise it's not that anyone doesn't like you or your daughter, it's just awkward timing. My son's friends with summer birthdays (am in Scotland so different timings) just have late parties. I would just wait a little bit next year so people have more of a routine and you can invite them at the usual time instead of months early.

@Theheatishot Happy Birthday!

Well I find it quite shocking that someone would expect people to to commit to a preschool child's party 2 months in advance especially if it is on a bank holiday weekend. I personally wouldn't organise anything for a bank holiday weekend especially for young kids when it is a family weekend. I would not miss an opportuntity for a weekend away or a day trip for a preschool child's party.

Op sorry you have been let down but as it is a bank holiday weekend I am not surprised. People though should not have accepted in June I would have said I will confirm nearer the time because I would not have been in a position to know that far in advance

They’re not ‘unable to use a diary’. Many people turned down the invitation because they knew they wouldn’t be available or didn’t want to book something in two months in advance for a bank holiday weekend in the summer holidays. Other people said yes at the time, but realised nearer the date that they didn’t want to stay at home all weekend for a small child’s party, or there are the usual drop out reasons — illness etc. I mean, these are nursery-aged kids, not actual friendships. No, it’s not nice for the OP, but it’s a poor choice of party date.

Well, I partially agree with you, and I avoid saying yes to invites I'm not fully committed too.

But anything more than 6 weeks in advance I might know if I have a trip or a theatre booking etc, but I wouldn't know if I had had a hellish week with lots to do, might be holding several weekends free for an undecided and more important event, might be visiting a relative in hospital etc

That's before the need for downtime, unstructured plans, unplanned necessities.

It obviously not the case that every invite is as important as another. And I do think that people should plan better and not accept invites until they're certain.

If you are "free" all you know is that the time isn't currently claimed.

It's August Bank Holiday weekend and the weekend before the children go back to school. Last minute choices to get away, and family time will always take precedence over a child's birthday party. People can't arrange a whole precious bank holiday weekend around your party. Chances are many didn't realise the significance of the date when they rsvp'd, the mental load towards the end of term becomes a lot.
We have a birthday which often falls around the May bank holiday and always bring celebrations forwards or backwards, never on the bank holiday.

I experienced similar with my ds (late August birthday).

I didn’t do a party this year apart from a family tea party and it was a lot less stressful.

It sucks but it’s one of them things I’m afraid. We always invite all the cousins so we’ve at least got a decent base of kids (perks of a bigger family I guess). She will have fun and that’s the main thing but I totally get that you’re upset.

My DCs were always bank holiday we did it a week before

Life happen and plans change. It’s a party invite not a court summons .

Your daughter won’t notice and you’re reading too much into things.

I don’t know what you expect it’s bank holiday weekend and kids going back to school. You should have done it a week or two later. We have a summer birthday and when they were younger we would move the date around to one more suitable for people to attend. Is what is is at the end of the day.