Hi everyone, I need some objective perspectives while I process this. I am physically recovering from a traumatic miscarriage earlier this week where I almost died. My mind is currently overwhelmed with hormones, grief, and total exhaustion.
For context regarding his female "best friend":
- I have never met her. She lives at the bottom of the UK.
- They met on a working holiday in Greece years ago and started sleeping together while she had a boyfriend. She eventually broke things off with my DP, he was gutted but they remained "best friends."
- She has been through multiple partners since, and DP has said that "none of them have treated her right."
- DP's phone lock screen is still a goofy picture of the two of them, and he still wears friendship bracelets from that holiday.
- Up until now, I’ve tried to be mature and tolerate it, rationalizing that she lives far away and he was just romanticizing a past chapter.
When we found out I was pregnant, DP was thrilled. He eagerly told his parents, colleagues, and mates early on. However, he hid our pregnancy from her the entire time the baby was alive.
Last night, he finally messaged her and told her about it—and the fact that we had lost the baby.
I just don't understand how he found it impossible to tell her he was going to be a dad, but felt comfortable telling her once our baby was dead. It feels like after the commitment of having a child with another woman was gone, he finally felt he could tell her and maybe get sympathy without their relationship changing?
I broke down and asked him why he kept our baby a secret from her while telling everyone else in his life, his excuses were:
- "I don't know."
- "I was going to tell her after that last scan." (Even though he told everyone else weeks before any scan).
Because everything feels so raw right now, I don't know if I'm hyper-sensitive from the physical trauma and post partum hormones, or if I'm seeing red flags that I previously excused.