AIBU to support my children attending their uncle's event in spite of ex’s objections re: his step-child

[BankHolidayproblem]

I have 17 year old, a 13 year old and an 8 year old.

I initiated a divorce with their dad 6 years ago, he wasn’t horrible or abusive but it was like having a 4th child.

Just as we were separating his brother met the woman he went on to marry. I have met this woman twice in passing and not at all for five years. My kids really like her and my eldest was her bridesmaid and will be the Godmother of the child she is expecting later in the year. They entertain about three times in 18 months and my kids love these occasions although apparently my former MiL is irritated by the fussiness of these occasions. They have something planned on Bank Holiday Monday.

My ex moved in with a new partner and her 9 year old at the beginning of the year and this has not gone down too well with the children full stop but he is now trying to stop them going on Monday because new partner and her child aren’t invited.

My two eldest have told him that they are going and youngest begging me not to stop her going.

Your kids have been invited so of course they go. If Dad doesn’t like it he takes it up with his brother not spoil the relationship they have with an uncle

Is your ex invited? Why aren’t the new gf and her child not invited? Are you going? If your older kids are happy to take the youngest, I don’t see how he can stop them from going.

They've been invited, they want to go, they should go. It's easier if it's on one of your days though, if it's on his, he might just not take them.

Are you invited?

They are family and have been invited. They want to go. Well done for keeping their paternal family relations!

Your ex is just digging his own grave with his kids.

Nothing to do with ex. DC are invited so they go.

Can you take them?

If your children are invited in their own right and it’s on your time then it’s sod all to do with dad.

I am not invited. He is my ex BiL and his wife.

I have no idea why Ex’s new partner and step child haven’t been invited.

We don’t really have a rigid routine but youngest is refusing to go at all at the weekend.

This all sounds veey confusing
Do the two brothers not get along?
Why would the ex Bil not invite his brothers partner and her child?
Your children may not likre the fact their Dad has moved on but its been six years assuming theres no abuse

Why cant you all try and sort this out amicably for the sake of the children?

Do you mean the youngest is refusing to go to your ex? Presumably as they want to go to the party, and if they're at the ex's they can't go? If it's a flexible arrangement, I'd listen to the kid.

I would be trying to stay out of it tbh - the older teens can decide if they're going or not. Re the youngest, whose day is it?

I will only intervene if ex contacts me re: youngest. Youngest won’t go to see her dad as she wants to go to the meal.

I always assumed ex got on with his brother. All of my kids seem to like the new partner but want to see their dad without her. I have no idea why she hasn’t been invited.

It's up to the host to decide who is invited, though I can't see why they wouldn't invite the new partner and child, unless there's a problem you don't discuss.

So do you mean the party is during ex contact time? Is that what the problem is?

In that case, tell him the DC are all going to the party and you are taking them. You can drop them off at his afterwards (assuming that works?)

We have a flexible arrangement re: the youngest but he tends to see her on Saturdays generally but she has got it into her head he will keep her so she can’t go to her uncle’s.

I think I won’t contact Ex but if he texts I will say she wants to stay with me and her sibs this weekend and they will go to uncle’s on Monday. I will see what he has to say for himself. I won’t initiate contact with him before Saturday.

But does she just go on Saturdays? Surely she could still go to Dads, back yo you Sun then off to BIL Monday?

Has Dad told you he doesn't want them going to BILs or something?

Sorry it's a bit hard to follow

Your ex really doesn't get to decide who the dc socialise with.

If he keeps dd has she got means to contact you for a lift home ?

Youngest doesn’t trust her dad not to stop her going to uncle’s. I genuinely don’t know if she has any foundation for thinking this.

Agreed.

There has been no discussion with me just with the kids.

It's a bit weird to invite 3 of his brother's children, but not the one he share's with his new partner. But it's not your circus, not your monkeys. Whoever has the children on the day decides whether they go, ultimately, as it's their contact time and they are parenting at that point. I think personally it's really important for kids to know their families, so I would absolutely be wanting them to go.

But how odd for your ex to have to drop the kids off at a family event, and not go in himself.

No one will drop them. My eldest will drive them.

Again I have no idea why his partner is not invited. The child is hers, there is no shared child.

So the kids don’t get along with the new kid. And the uncle and aunt are supporting their Dn’s. Sounds about right.
They don’t have to be forced to include random children and make them part of the family.
the relationship with their relatives is nothing to do with the new people and your ex isn’t being a good parent by trying to force this on everyone

Well they dont but most people try to be civil with their siblings partner.

My eldest rarely stayed at her dad’s. The middle and youngest child are annoyed that their father has now rented his own flat out and they don’t want to stay at new partner’s although youngest does occasionally.

Ex has had to stay at his mother’s when he had to have youngest overnight.

All of them seem to like partner and she apparently tries very hard. They haven’t commented on partner or her child other than objecting to never seeing father alone.

My eldest is away, when she returns I am going to ask her if she has ever moaned about them to her uncle and his wife.