AIBU to support my children attending their uncle's event in spite of ex’s objections re: his step-child

[BankHolidayproblem]

I have 17 year old, a 13 year old and an 8 year old.

I initiated a divorce with their dad 6 years ago, he wasn’t horrible or abusive but it was like having a 4th child.

Just as we were separating his brother met the woman he went on to marry. I have met this woman twice in passing and not at all for five years. My kids really like her and my eldest was her bridesmaid and will be the Godmother of the child she is expecting later in the year. They entertain about three times in 18 months and my kids love these occasions although apparently my former MiL is irritated by the fussiness of these occasions. They have something planned on Bank Holiday Monday.

My ex moved in with a new partner and her 9 year old at the beginning of the year and this has not gone down too well with the children full stop but he is now trying to stop them going on Monday because new partner and her child aren’t invited.

My two eldest have told him that they are going and youngest begging me not to stop her going.

Yanbu.

Though I don't get why the others aren't invited, it's never a good idea for a parent to try and use their children's relationships with wider family as leverage to force them to accept new partner and/or DSC. You'd be saving your ex from himself.

I don’t really have anything more to add. I have made the decision not to comment at all to my ex unless he initiates a conversation.

When he told me about this woman he told me his mother had told him not to be a ‘fuckwit’ like he was with me.

He was never ever abusive, but it was like living with an immature six year old.

I am of the genuine belief that he might have ADHD. He has to make the person in front if him happy at that moment regardless of consequences. So I bet that he is trying to make new partner happy by trying to persuade our kids not to go where she hasn’t been invited.

How close are the brothers? Has the Uncle even met the new woman and her child? Maybe that’s why they’re not invited? Is your ex even invited?

The beef between your ex and his brother is nothing to do without you. He could be being unreasonable, or perhaps his family have been hostile and rude to his partner and this is the last straw.

None of this is your problem. If you have no issues with them going then just drop them off there if you are happy to. There's no need for you to concern yourself with the ins and outs and whether or not your ex MIL is "irritated by the fussiness of the occasion"

Why does op need to get involved. Half of it isn’t her problem. The children have been invited and want to go. Op can drop them or they can make their own way there.
Ex not going, doesn’t involve op.

I have no idea if there is bad blood between the brothers, there certainly never was in my day. They have definitely met. The new partner and her child at my ex in/laws when my children have also been there.

Mh eldest is 17, she can drive them I don’t need to be involved. I needed advice on how to deal with ex if he tries to stop youngest.

As I said I will simply say she wants to stay at home this weekend if he tries to get her to go away with him.

The Mumsnet World is so weird about stepchildren. Exes cause no end of trouble too. Not to mention the attitudes about other people’s children, dogs, BBQs, and footballs over the fence. I suppose this is a good place to vent and/or offer advice, sometimes support. Still, there’s also a huge amount of
negativity. Maybe I need to take a break.

Sounds like there’s bad blood between your ex’s new partner and his brother/his wife. Doesn’t really matter why but it shouldn’t affect your children who are invited and should absolutely go. Just do as planned and have your eldest drive them all to it, he doesn’t get a say.

If I say I went out with my wife & an ex girlfriend for lunch recently and we all had a nice time (Yes we did and I never lived with or had children with the ex) there isnt much to discuss in there

Well, I can see why you divorced your DCs' father. What a knob.

This is the thing with "blended" families. The person "so in leeerve" with a new (affair or rebound) partner and tells everyone "I treat his/her child as if it were my own" can make choices, but other members of the extended family don't have to go along with those choices as if they were theirs (IYSWIM). Your DDs didn't make their father's choice and they don't have to agree.

Your DDs are old enough to make their own decisions about when & where to see their father. And he will reap what he sows.