AIBU? DH and family holiday

[Mrshermitt]

FIL birthday this year and theyve planned a family holiday abroad but it’s 1.5k each and at Christmas time. I am unwell so I can’t go anyway and we can’t afford to spend money like that now I’m not working. We have 3 kids so looking at 7.5k for all of us.

DH desperately wants to go and I’ve just said go because I’m sick of hearing about it. I can barely manage taking care of myself some days but somehow I have to figure out with the kids.He’s going for 7 days and coming back on Boxing Day.

Can I ask would your husband do to this to you and your family or even consider it? Especially at that time of the year too?

Would you go if the roles were reversed?
the reasons why you wouldn’t are the reasons he shouldn’t b e considering this.

I would be pissed off with my DH if he even considered going and I’m really reasonable and fair.

I’ve just read the first page of comments but omg I cannot imagine being away from your 3 young children on Christmas Day (!!) just so you can go on holiday for your dad’s birthday. Absolute nuts to me. And I love my parents and siblings and spending time with them!

No, my husband wouldn’t consider doing this even if I was fighting fit. Since you are ill, yours should be taking care of things at home.

Not only is your DH a knob but so are your PIL. They absolutely should not be facilitating him effing off and abandoning you with the kids at Christmas, even if you were fighting fit. Unless you are a high earning couple I also don't understand in what world PILs think it is ok to plan a holiday that costs you £7.5K. The only time my parents asked us to join them on holiday they paid for it. If they had wanted us to come and needed us to contribute I know time, place and budget would have been negotiated, not imposed.

I think you need an alternative Christmas plan for if he does go - can you travel to your family/ can they come to you / are there friends you might invite?

He shouldn't be going. It's one thing if you have to be at work on Christmas day or are travelling for a funeral or similar but he should be at home with his children.

Is this an air dirty laundry around your friendship groups and get some of them to talk sense to your husband situation?

Separately worth telling your children's school about your health situation and asking them to include your children in their young carers activities.

No. I’m a cancer patient. Time is short. Money shorter. No chance my DH would go.

My DH would not go.
I would expect the parents to pay to be honest if they want everyone there!!! Wonder where your husband gets his selfish streak from …

It would have been reasonable for your PIL to offer to pay for you and your DH at the least imo. My parents would never expect us to pay / go on such an expensive trip without them contributing and neither would dhs’ parents.

I’m sorry you are unwell and I hope you feel better soon. I hope he makes up for this whatever that looks like for you xxxxx

My in laws would never stand for it in the first place.

My DH nor I would go. Either we all go or non of us go and under no circumstances would we be apart at Christmas or away from our children. His parents are totally selfish even asking this.

This.

Could he not take the kids? Give you a break?

I agree. Why would PIL think this is acceptable? What's the reason behind the holiday and why does it have to be so expensive and over Christmas? It's not really a "family holiday" if their DIL and grandkids can't go. Regardless of their motivations though your DH should not even have considered going if you couldn't all go.

Your husband is awful, I am sorry. I think I would have forgiven a shag with someone else, but not this. This is cruelty.

for Christmas Day? You seriously think any parent would see missing Christmas with their kids as a break?

No, my husband would not entertain the idea.

If it’s enough to stop OP from working and prevent her from going on the holiday then I think it’s safe to say it’s significant. And that he’s a selfish arse.

Given other information she has drip fed on the thread I disagree.

There is no where in the Caribbean I would consider staying for £1.5k per person at that time of year (or any time for that matter). That is dirt cheap for a Caribbean holiday in peak season.

The marriage would be over

it sounds like he’s your carer?
he deserves a week off with his family. You sound jealous.

Give him a gift for Christmas on his return. An empty house.