AIBU to refuse apologising after being blocked in at Tesco?

[ThisIsAbsolutelyCrazy]

So, yesterday I go to Tesco with DH. DH is a wheelchair user and has a Blue Badge.

There were no disabled bays or parent and child bays so I went to a far corner of the car park where there were two empty rows of normal bays and parked between 2 bays so had room for DH to get in and out.

Lo and behold we came back to a car parked so close to my driver's side that I couldn't get between the cars - less than 10 inches in between. The car had parked over into the bay I had half parked in.

We were obviously WTF. The other bays around us were still empty.

Coming round to the front of the cars, we saw there was a young lad no more that 15-17 sitting in the passenger seat of the other car. He obviously couldn't get out of his door either because it was up against mine! I said 'what kind of idiot would park like this' or some such. He said 'my dad'. Then asked him why he'd blocked him in.as well. He didn't answer and just kept his head down. I will admit I did swear a bit saying for fucks sake, this is fucking disgusting. Then said 'tell your Dad he's a complete cunt'. At no point did I make threats to the lad or swear at him. I knew he didn't park the car.

Anyway I then climbed in through the passenger side, moved the car into the row in front, got DH in and we left.

The Dad had not come back. I'm kicking myself because I didn't take a picture of the way he'd parked.

Anyway, tonight at around 8pm there's a knock at the door and two policemen are there. My heart dropped because I thought it was about one of the DC (both were out with friends), but they said they'd had a complaint about me causing 'fear and alarm' to a minor!

Turns out the Dad must have already had my reg number and told the police what I'd said. No mention of how he'd blocked me deliberately and left his son trapped in the car!

He must have known whoever came back to the car would be angry!

Anyway police said I could make a formal apology to the boy and the matter would not be taken further - this was because I admitted swearing.

I said No I will not as I had figured out by then that the Dad had done this all deliberately. No clue who he is.

AIBU to think he must be an absolute psycho?

Especially to leave his son trapped in the car!

Got to be honest and say I wasn't even there and the way you talk about it and the language you still use just makes me cringe and you seem totally unaware about how you are coming across.

Personally I would ask the supermarket if they have the cctv and I absolutely wouldn’t be apologising.

That said I have never sworn at anyone so I do think you were rather unreasonable there.

Definitely don’t accept any sort of caution.

Do you think people caring for the disabled or the disabled themselves have the luxury of worrying about "looking like a twat" when they find a place to park where they can actually get themselves or their passenger out of the car (while disadvantaging nobody else)?

A 15 year old is obviously a child, though. A schoolchild at that. One who likely pays child fares for most ticketed services, and cannot live independently.

And you can work in a cafe or a shop from the age of 13. I expect a lot of people would consider 13 year olds to be children.

Well we'll just have to disagree about whether a 15 year old is a child for the purposes of hearing swear words.

I wonder if the 15 year old was female and the OP
male, if you’d feel the same!

Love me a flounce and return in under 5 mins! Bravo OP!

@ThisIsAbsolutelyCrazy i wouldn’t worry. Shame you had to admit it 🤦‍♀️ if they come back and take an official statement you can just change it - they can’t do anything about it with no evidence

About their age? Of course.

There no excuse for swearing at the passenger in the car whatever their age but a 15 year old of either sex is not, imo, a child.

I guess so.

If your point is that swearing at a younger child is more egregious and more likely to cause distress than it would to a 15 year old, sure.

But a 15 year old is a child and it's not weird to call them that.

Particularly the case here, when OP describes them as "no more than 15-17" and they could well be younger.

Surely any CCTV will show OP at fault. She was badly parked and she was agressive towards a minor. Dad may have parked badly too, but CCTV is hardly going to absolve OP.

What was stopping the lad getting out the other side?

You should have parked properly within one bay.

If there are cars parked next to you when you come back, then you can easily just pull out and move where there's more space to get your husband in the car.

OP confirmed no CCTV available, but it could be helpful depending on what the child's version of events is.

If aligned with the OP's, then OP has behaved badly but not criminally.

If the child describes her actions as having been more threatening than as the OP recounts, then CCTV would become of more relevance.

The manner of the father's parking is relevant, too (and the extent to which it is disputed). Yes, the OP parked improperly, but the parking was provocative, which is of potential relevance to determining if an offence occurred. It's relevant to "fault" in that sense.

None of this matters.....you didn't speak rudely to the driver, you spoke rudely to a child (whose vulnerabilities you know nothing about)

You took a bad situation out on an innocent party

This & the person who got banned from Tesco for abusing staff… Is this who we are now?

OP, you were right to be annoyed. Why are you going and on trying to justify it?

The issue is that you let your anger out on someone innocent.

Why is it so hard for you to accept that this was wrong and that you should have managed the situation better?

Letting anger out directed at the wrong person is not appropriate behaviour. Are you disagreeing with this?

The responses aren’t nuts. You are!! Your defensive diatribe about how the dad drivers behaviour was worse than yours is utter bollocks. Apologise to the young lad, learn you lesson about keeping your temper.

I use a mobility aid. People can certainly be utterly ignorant, and many will much sooner go out of their way to be a hindrance than take even the most basic steps to be a help. I don’t find it hard to believe that the man was being sanctimonious when he chose to park that way. He wouldn’t have been the first or the last.

But deary me, OP, did you ever take this out on entirely the wrong person! The way confrontations can escalate these days you were perhaps fortunate, in a way, that you picked on the kind of youngster who just sat there and took your abuse rather than the less pleasant kind who’d be inclined to get out and lamp you over it. I do have to wonder if you would have been quite so confident about flinging that kind of language at the (possibly burlier) grown man responsible for your ire . . .

I’m not saying it’s at all fair, of course. It isn’t. But these things can get far more out of hand than a knock on the door from the police. That’s just the kind of crappy world we live in.

That boy was alone and suddenly has an adult ranting and swearing about his dad. And telling him to tell his dad he is a cunt?? That’s outrageous!
Yes, his father is clearly one of those obnoxious arseholes who think it’s their job to show everyone else how awful they are and how right he is, but you lost when you started swearing in front of his child.
I would have helped my husband in the car and then stood with the wheelchair waiting for the idiot to return, then calmly explained why I was parked across two bays in the quietest area of the car park. He would have looked like the pompous fool he is.
I think a lot of adults forget how frightening it can be for kids when an adult seems out of control while they are alone. He doesn’t know you, and didn’t know what you were capable of. He deserves an apology

You sound worse with each post. Your language is appalling and that poor lad was caught in the middle. And don't say Hun, it's beyond patronising
Apologies Blades2 - I was agreeing with you but posted incorrectly

Have the police got nothing better to do? You said his dad was a cunt - and he was. I hope my public finances were being spent well, it appears not.

I think you do owe the boy an apology.
I know you've had a whole thread of people saying this and are insistent you don't. But the kid didn't do anything wrong - he didn't park the car, he wasn't rude towards you and certainly wasn't aggressive. You swore and expressed your frustration and insulted his parent.
I totally understand why you were upset with the dad and he probably is a bit (or a lot) of a cunt. But a kid doesn't deserve to have an adult express that to him and may well have been more upset by the incident (including your part in it) than you think he should have been.
I don't think you did anything wrong with your parking. But your behaviour towards the kid was aggressive and rude and you can apologise for that. I'm not sure why you wouldn't?

OP likely shouldn't have parked in the manner they did, in the circumstances. They were at risk of a ticket. They'd have a good shot at appealing it in small claims, but even then that's a meaningful hassle.

Dad was, at best, being a pompous arsehole, acting in a passive-aggressive manner to what he assumed to be negligently bad parking. If he saw the blue badge, then he's the worst of all involved, but I wouldn't assume that.

Anger and frustration is understandable, but it was a very poor initial response, compounded by the failure to refuse to apologize to the child, and again by failing to recognize their wrongdoing on this thread.

It should be easy enough to write a short letter to the effect of "I apologize for acting in the manner I did towards you and upset caused. Your father's bad behavior prompted my angry response, and I need not have involved you".