AIBU to think being wealthy is vastly overrated?

[ForLoudBrickMember]

I know this will sound really out of touch and I apologies in advance if I offend anyone, but I’ve been reflecting on my life recently and I truly think it is the most overrated thing on the planet. I’m 35, total pre tax income of about £2 million with half coming from working as a partner oncologist in the states and half coming from active investing. DH makes slightly more, total household income of about £5 mil. Now I’ve done it I can say the following;

1. It feels totally normal.
2. It is incredibly isolating
3. The pressure/difficulty is intense. Ours are still far too young for this and trying to avoid it but it’s very common the DC face intense pressure/stress.
4. So so much sacrifice. I left everything behind in the UK, put off DC until late, missed out on so much etc.
5. Being average isn’t much worse. People earning the average wage can still afford a comfortable house, decent car, food, occasional holiday etc. Mum was completely broke as a child and even that would’ve been fine if she didn’t make brain dead decisions constantly.

Yet the average person seems to believe it’s endless bliss, no stress and every rich person is a genius who never tires and never feels sad. AIBU?

Reminds me of Ian Duncan Smith claiming he could live on £53 a week. Would like to see OP try that and then come back and bitch about the stress of having too much money.

The truth is that nothing external is actual source of happiness. Wealth included.
I'd much rather work on my spiritual wealth and any wealth I can share as a person - in some sort of service to others. Not saying it to sound sanctimonious, just where I'm at in life - recognizing many of the things we strive for / idolise when we are younger make little to no sense and give little to nothing.

Poor you OP. If can ease your woes if you'd like to send me £20k.

Why dont you use some of your money to fund research/take part in research into a rare/ neglected cancer?
Fund some university places for disadvantaged teens?
Start a small charity?

You have knowledge and skills and enough money to outsource domestic tasks. Use your time and money to make a real difference to the lives of less fortunate people.

Well… it’s a you problem. I would guess our level of wealth is perhaps half of yours, and we (our nuclear family) live an amazingly privileged and very happy life. I don’t work, and spend as much time as possible with our (young primary aged) children. My husband works very hard in a job he likes a lot.

If any of the four of us were unhappy, we would change our lives - drastically if necessary - to fix this. We are very aware that we have the means and ability to change things to maintain our wellbeing if required.

Look, you've worked hard and have a fantastic salary which will presumably allow your children to have a better/easier life. That's nothing to be sneezed at (or feel guilty about).

But you're doing a bit too much navel gazing if you can't see how unreasonable it is to think that being wealthy is 'overrated'. Money buys power and freedom. If you can't see that, you need to widen your social circle and consider what your life would be like if the worst happened and you had no money.

Money may not bring instant happiness, but it does give you the freedom to buy a solution. Money =

• Being able to pay rent/mortgage/buy a home outright
• Pay bills and buy good quality food
• Own/run a car
• Pay for healthcare and medication
• Pay for your own further education and that of your children
• Pay for proper care for aging/ill parents
• Pay for fitness/hobbies/travel
• Enable you to live comfortably in your old age

Advice re money you can get from a financial advisor. Advice on life anyone can give.

Think I asked first if you don't mind waiting a bit? I have a turkey neck from weight loss that I need sorted and I could really do with a manicure.

Do you think poor people also don't work long hours and get stressed by work?

The difference is that your friend could probably retire tomorrow and still live a life of luxury. Whereas poor people can't stop working if they want to keep a roof over their heads.

OP would have to talk to some poor people then though, and obviously her wealth stops her from being able to relate to such people. It'll be like when Rishi Sunak had to pay for petrol and didn't know how to because the help normally does it.

Oh what a world.

Well then single mum on benefits can go study science, finance whatever may bring her "the big bucks" - if that's so important.

Trying to get the timeline straight here @ForLoudBrickMember

You are 35 and a fully qualified Oncologist, who is a partner in the US healthcare system.

It takes 13 years minimum to become a fully qualified Oncologist, so if you left school at 18 and went straight to med school, that takes us to 31/32.

As well as becoming an Oncologist you also refer to young DC and a period of retirement.

AND ........ in addition to achieving being an Oncologist, retiring and having at least two DC and going back to being an Oncologist again and a partner in the US health system, you have also managed to invest so significantly that it provides you a very considerable amount of income!

I think we all need you to be sharing your secrets with the rest of us, who are clearly all under-performing massively!

Ultimately, money gives you choices and choices reduce your stress

Oh the ‘worked hard’ trope 🙄

Give away 90% of what you earn if you don't want it, or need it. Or direct it into a foundation that you can run. Or use it to discount appointments for people who can't afford it. Or cut your work hours to part time and go and volunteer for a charity providing care for people who don't have health insurance. Or whatever the hell you want.

Yeah I think you're missing a lot of nuance.

Firstly 'average' isn't say, half of what you have. It's a tiny teeny portion of what you have. Average household income in the UK is closer to £60k. I imagine you have no idea what it would take to live off an average salary but I can tell you - it's not a 'comfortable' existence with houses and cars etc.

The 'comfort' you describe would be more akin to the life of the 2%+ - families on £100k a year plus where you can have houses, cars and holidays. But to have a salary in this band you also need to make a lot of sacrifices - these people probably work similar hours to you, just get paid less.

And finally there's the 'cost' of being proper poor. I'm talking 2 minimum wage jobs poor. Believe me, ambulance drivers and refuse collectors and school teachers and office cleaners and bar staff and other people in service jobs work hard and make sacrifices. They just don't get paid as much.

I don't understand your posts - are you 35 years old? But you have said you could have retired before leaving the UK? Do you have DC? You said you also left it late to have DC, but 35 isn't 'late'?

I suspect having that level of income and pressured jobs makes you think that value is only measured by others through finance and that is the important thing in life. It really isn't. If you take away what you think others think of you, I am sure that will relieve some of the negative burden you feel.

Accumulating wealth is what most people aspire to. It gives people options, freedom and respite from endless worries about poverty and affordability. I don't feel sorry for folk who are free of those worries.

Its all relative. all of us whether rich or poor, intelligent or not have things in our life that cause us stress to a greater or lesser extent. just because we are one thing or another doesnt mean that to us that stress isnt real or worth consideration. we were both in very well paid SE england jobs and we ducked out of the rat race to run our own business and make sure that as parents we never missed a school sports day, parents evening, bake sale whatever - both of us. That was our choice. we are well off and we choose to spend retirement volunteering in our community. and none of the places we volunteer care about our financial status or judge us. they just accept the time and help we can give.

I do agree about the pressure it puts on your kids though. you are going to need to work damn hard to make sure they dont grow up to be entitled little shits or judge their worth in this world by how much their parents have rather than what they have achieved.

”Mum was completely broke as a child and even that would’ve been fine if she didn’t make brain dead decisions constantly.”

Oof.

What pressure are the kids under?

And how tight are your diamond shoes, OP? ;)

My true happiness = Healthy, happy family. Support from my wider family. A purpose in life (right now, it's looking after my kids and, to a lesser extent, my job).

Frills I'd enjoy- Large house, pool, jacuzzi, cold plunge, regular exotic holidays, home chef, massive garden to walk about in and not see/hear neighbours, stables, range rover...

If you have the basics covered, wealth can bring a lot of fun. You don't have to keep up with the Jones's, just do what you enjoy

I've worked as an investment manager and I'm super-curious as to what you invested and your initial capital to make £1m a year in income from your investments? For this to be alpha generation you must be sat on capital of tens of millions' worth? Or you backed a successful business as a start-up? No beef here just curious about the mathematics of it.

I know, I was like wtf.

As to point 4, you'll be well aware that even with insurance, pts can and do get into crippling debt - https://www.forbes.com/sites/joshuacohen/2026/04/05/increasing-burdens-of-medical-debt-and-bankruptcy-are-uniquely-american/

And your point about "standards" is a false equivalence. Compare a free emergency clinic in the US to a UK A&E, perhaps. Maybe USA comes out on top (before you get the bill). But specialist oncology treatment in the UK is of a very high standard. And it's not bankrupting anyone.

I'm surprised you can look at a million a year as a 35yr old doctor and not think that you're any more than "a small part" of the problem.

It’s extremely hard to move here and get into a competitive specialty vs training in UK but this is reliably achievable in semi rural Midwest. They didn’t use to recognise UK training but this might be changing.