AIBU to ignore frequent long voice notes from a new friend?

[Boxfulloftoys]

Recently became friends/acquaintances with somebody in the same line of work as me. She is very nice but very full on. She regularly sends me voice notes that are a minumum of five minutes long. I work full time,have four teenagers and life is busy. She is single with no children. Anyway yesterday I had a rare day of and I get four messages in the space of 30 minutes. To be honest I didn't even listen to them until this morning.

One of the messages was basically for me to be more considerate and reply. I skipped the rest of the messages. I hate voice notes but I did say that I was of yesterday and didn't want to be on my phone. That was 9am and no reply.

Was I being unreasonable to not reply to her messages yesterday. She always replies to mine straight away. I do like her but I don't even message my closest friends daily let alone send them numerous voice messages.

Your acquaintance has no qualms about telling you to be more considerate, I would have no problem putting them straight.
You said you were off work and that you didn't want to be on your phone. Perfectly reasonable.
I hate voice notes, too. Listening to someone drone on......no thanks!

What a weirdo!

I don’t feel comfortable listening to voicenotes unless I’m alone, as i don’t want other people listening. So sometimes i don’t listen to them for a couple of days. People will get a quicker reply from me if they text.

Voice notes are so annoying! Just use speech to text if you want to speak instead of type please! That way I can read the message as soon as I see it - I am rarely in a position where I can listen to a voice note as I don’t have a headset/earbuds and am usually around people.

Obviously if it were someone with a disability or injury that meant they don’t have use of their hands to type, or literally cannot read and write, I would listen to voice notes in those circumstances. When it’s simply laziness on the senders part, they will have to wait until it’s convenient for me to listen to it…. And I may well have forgotten you sent it by then!

YANBU OP. I would tell her that if something is urgent she needs to call you. If it’s not urgent, send a text and you’ll get back to her when you can. Say if she sends a voice note you cannot guarantee when you will listen to it due to your circumstances.

I’m not keen on voice notes either! They’re always too long as talking is easier than typing and I can’t easily refer back to them. I suppose if you’re worried about offending her you could pop her a message back saying I’ve seen you’ve sent a voice note will listen and respond ASAP! Or just let her know you’re not keen on voice notes

Make jokes about it being so long you had to listen to it on 2.5x speed and she sounds like a chipmunk?

or above response is nicer. Just say I don’t have time to listen. Feel free to drop a test if it’s urgent.

voice notes are the epitome of main character syndrome. They take less effort for the sender to send but more effort for the receiver to digest. So basically the sender is saying my time is more valuable than yours. Super selfish!

I have a friend who does this! She's also single with no DC, and always says "I know you're so busy..." but doesn't get it. I don't have time to listen to 10 minute voice notes, let alone formulate replies to them. She also expects me to remember the minutiae of her life which I just can't and don't.

I would just message her to say, as you know my life is really busy and I don't have the time to listen to voice notes. Lets meet up on Saturday/whenever to have a proper catch up.

Nope. Voice notes only for short, can't type right now, messages. Anything over about 20 seconds needs to be a phone call.

Thankfully I don't get many voice notes, but if I did, I'll listen in my own time and if you have a problem with that, tough... i have a busy life, can't always listen, don't even want to.

How can anyone respond to 5 mins of a message??? At 1.12, you said this and my answer is that? Madness. I'm not engaging in that bs...

Or even better send her a voice note back saying you’re in the middle of something and can’t listen to her message right now!

And... can you summarise by text pls?

As she is a new friend set your stall out early. Sorry I don’t do voice notes, feel free to text or call.

WhatsApp need to limit voice note length...

Nutter.

Voice notes sound like having one side of a would-be telephone conversation recorded.

If anything was that important, a phonecall at a mutually convenient time should be ok with that new person?

FWIW I'm single with no children but endless voice notes would feel like too much.

I could not be bloody doing with this. I think you need to be like, sorry, Janet, I can’t do voice notes, can you summarise what you just said in a short text message?

My teen likes to send voice notes. She got the message quite quickly that I ignore them. If she wants chocolate from the shop, she damn well knows she better communicate that in written form or it’s not happening. 😂

YANBU and I think you fine to say that you don't do voice notes.

Voicenotes are the equivalent of those people who monologue at you for an hour and then ask, "So how are you?" as the bill is arriving.

Absolutely. But in that scenario, you have at least already made the decision to give them your time, instead of a voice note that essentially is uninvited and hijacks your time

This doesn’t solve the problem, but may help deal with any you do receive and want to listen to

• play it at 2x speed
• turn on transcription on WhatsApp, so you can just skim read

but I think it’s completely fair to say ‘sorry I’m always busy with the family around me so dont have time to listen to long voice notes. I’d prefer a text, and to hear all the news when we next see eachother face to face’

I would just say: Voice notes don't really work for me. Happy using text.

True. I mean, I can barely get through a podcast without being distracted so anyone sending me a voicenote has got no chance. I just don't have that sort of brain that can tune into a voice prattling away. Much rather read a long text.

I wouldn't want to listen to the voice notes either, but any new friend who was already criticising me and telling me to be more considerate would leave with me ending the friendship anyway.

Thanks everyone. I just felt really bad that she feels ignored. I don't think she has any other friends as she never mentions them and she does always check in me regarding work and my health. But like the majority of people I'm not in the position to listen to long voice notes. My kids and DH know not to send me them as I never listen to them. This just seems her way of communicating.

Communication is a two way street.

The means of communication has to be agreeable to you both...

Intense or what! And you’ve done nothing wrong.

Also, to criticise you for not replying is a little rude. You’re not under any obligation to even listen to them.

You need to set boundaries, and set them now. she’s a new friend and you’re already resenting her actions.

I’m guessing that she hasn’t got many friends and has excuses why she’s not friends with them, but in reality she’s probably been too intense and overbearing.

@Boxfulloftoys Just saw your update, and you confirmed her friendship pool is minimal. Unfortunate she’s , she’s now latched onto you, but she’s not your responsibility.