AIBU to ignore frequent long voice notes from a new friend?

[Boxfulloftoys]

Recently became friends/acquaintances with somebody in the same line of work as me. She is very nice but very full on. She regularly sends me voice notes that are a minumum of five minutes long. I work full time,have four teenagers and life is busy. She is single with no children. Anyway yesterday I had a rare day of and I get four messages in the space of 30 minutes. To be honest I didn't even listen to them until this morning.

One of the messages was basically for me to be more considerate and reply. I skipped the rest of the messages. I hate voice notes but I did say that I was of yesterday and didn't want to be on my phone. That was 9am and no reply.

Was I being unreasonable to not reply to her messages yesterday. She always replies to mine straight away. I do like her but I don't even message my closest friends daily let alone send them numerous voice messages.

“Hi friend, just wanted to let you know that I am really not a fan of voice notes as I find them too intense to listen and reply to. So if you send any more, they will go un-listened to. I am happy to respond to written messages”

Simple.

”I can’t seem to open voice notes. Please text instead or I won’t see your messages”

I’m single with no children too (it’s brilliant) but don’t have the time or inclination to send or listen to voice notes.

I think the OP needs to be careful that she doesn’t make the friend think she’d prefer phone calls, or she might find herself dealing with loads of voicemails instead.

A new friend, easy to drop.

She made you feel bad? I would just be blocking her.

I am interested in the backstory she gave you, did she try and make you feel sorry for her ?

I was at a coffee/board game club and was chatting to a woman. She over shared a lot of very personal stuff, far too much, the sort that is very sad. I could have topped her misery as I have had a child die but I never tell people when I first meet them, when I do I have known them well and long enough to feel ok with it. I made sure to dodge her at future meet ups.

Ignoring them is rude but saying sorry you don't have time to listen to long messages but would she like to meet for coffee is fine.

Voice notes can get in the bin. I'm not listening to that.

I can’t stand voice notes. It’s usually people going on and on when it could be typed out in a few sentences. Basically they can’t be bothered to text so think you should give your time up to listen to them droaning on.

To the people saying they don't want to listen to voice notes aloud, you know you can put the phone to your ear and it automatically switches from speaker to ear?

Anyway, not the point of this thread. I would find that super annoying too OP.

Just say you don’t do voice notes

@Boxfulloftoys
You need to be as blunt as she is.
She wants you to be more considerate, she needs to be more considerate of your time or lack of.

The only voice notes I tolerate is from my adult DD, she voice notes when something funny happens and she's usually struggling to get her words out in-between her deep belly laughs, cheers me up no end!😂

Anyone else, I wouldn't bother listening

I don't know anyone who likes receiving these but loads who seem to love sending them. Most people hate the sound of their voice recorded so I feel it must be a certain type of person... If you can bear it perhaps send her a long waffly pile of rubbish for her to listen to and have to double speed and find headphones for?

Just use your grown up words and tell her?

You're absolutely not wrong; but to a certain kind of needy/egocentric person, if they don't get a read receipt and/or response more quickly than that, they will just automatically phone you instead - so you lose out either way.

Hate voice notes. I have some students with yellow stickers who have requested I provide verbal feedback for essays which I really resent doing. They’re not very accessible either are they, if I’m out and don’t have AirPods in for example. I rely on transcriptions so I don’t have to listen but they’re not always great.

Just be blunt and tell her you don't like voice notes. She was blunt telling you to reply! Doesn't sound like this friendship will last.

I would tell those students to come and get verbal feedback in person, in my office hours!

I have two friends who use voice notes and I love them! My friends only leave them every couple of months though, long-distance, usually where there are time-zone issues, so hearing their voices and their news is delightful. In fact, I might send one to my friend now...

id say that they don’t work on my phone. I had to say that to my BIL when video calls first came out and he kept trying to do video calls with me, he didn’t really want to speak to me he just wanted to play with the tech.

I think it must be that: liking the sound of their own voice. They usually don't even bother to think about what they want to say in advance or get to the point either, making the message needlessly even longer - surely knowing full well that you will have to listen back a few times to get all the details, including their lengthy preamble and their closing soliloquy.

They clearly don't see it as the best way to communicate important information to you; rather they just want to take your attention and only then eventually start thinking about what relevant info they might have to tell you. Then again, I've known certain people in the past with voicemails who routinely reach the time limit and get cut off automatically before they've actually said anything of any relevance!

They remind me of the infuriating people who give speeches and who spend ages and ages lamenting the fact that they don't have enough time to tell you everything they wanted to, and then even piecemeal telling/teasing you what they 'would have' told you if only they'd had time!

This would do my head in…

I LOVE voice notes, I do it with multiple friends as we can’t have phone calls and meet up due to life, it’s made communication so much easier and better. You respond when you can, not the same day or even the same week. We discuss loads from daily life to politics. And no, it’s not because I ‘like hearing the sound of my own voice’, I love getting it he car and having a voice note to listen to as I drive.

But if it’s not for you then it’s not for you. you need to just kindly express that you can’t do these long voice notes and express your preferred method of communication. Do you want to be friends, or do you think maybe after getting to know her she isn’t for you?

As its not always easy to make new friends who you really like and get on with well, I suggest you be really honest with her and tell her because of your busy lifestyle with work and family you find it difficult to find time to respond to msgs and voicemail right away and perhaps you could make time to have a phone chat together one day a week unless there is something urgent she needs to discuss.

Fucking hate voice notes.

unless someone has a disability that makes texting difficult: they are just vehicles for self absorbed people to monologue