In short, I’m almost 40, one ds age 4, single parent, ex barely involved.
In my twenties I was attractive and smart and extremely lucky in many ways but I often dated the ‘wrong’ men. I know part of the reason I am alone now is because of those choices. But then I also see people meeting someone at 38 and going on to have 3 kids. Since a very traumatic break up with DS’s dad a few years ago, I lost all faith in relationships and sort of closed off to it all.
Here I am almost middle aged and no prospect of having more children or having a marriage. Even my experience of motherhood was damaged by ex’s truly awful behaviour. I do have some good things in my life and of course I adore ds. But gosh I never thought I would never experience a real true love, a committed relationship. Someone to renovate a bathroom with or chat to in bed on a Friday night.
I am not sure i even feel sad about it anymore but i certainly feel I’m missing out on a whole part of life that realistically most people have at some point or at least for some part of their life. Not sure what I’m asking really. Just feels a bit shit.