Husband giving coins/roses to female content creators on Tik Tok

[Backfromthebrink]

So I need opinions on something I (F 44) found by accident to get some perspective and general consensus.

So DH (55) asked for some help on his account on Tik Tok so I had his phone which was logged into his account. I wasn’t snooping - I was trying to figure out something to do with editing his account.

Flicking between pages, I noticed he had a coins balance so I clicked on it and saw he had purchased 350 coins with a balance of 44 remaining. I have since figured out he bought a package of 350 coins which come with some free roses - which are apparently digital gifts for online content creators.

Looking at his spending history, I then spotted that he had given coins/roses to female content creators - these were attractive young women whose posts involved posing in revealing clothing and swimwear. Admittedly he had also spent coins on creators posting content connected to his hobbies which are run of the mill.

I was really upset after seeing this and want to see how many others would also feel this way or if this is quite normal and I am being completely unreasonable. I didn’t even know about coins/roses etc. before I found them on his account so I’m prepared to be told this is normal.

So what’s the feeling amongst the wise Mumsnet community?

Yours is presumably supposed to be a monogamous marriage. Your H made vows to you. So sending gifts to other women that he is perving on is totally disrespectful and absolutely oversteps the boundaries of your marriage.

Yes, it is a monogamous marriage and thank you - that does reflect my own thoughts!

Very sleazy! What's his pathetic excuse?

Were these women just happening to wear skimpy clothes whilst talking about something he's interested in? Probably not. I'd watch a few, if he's basically showing appreciation for a scantily clad women playing up to the camera I'd find that grim and unacceptable.

Grim

I thought you were talking about chocolate roses and the toffee coins in quality street and then I got distracted thinking about chocolate.

Totally unreasonable of him whether it's chocolate or pretend things. So people actually pay money to buy emoji gifts or something? Does the creator get money from these 'coins'?

Yes this isn’t ok, it’s disrespectful. You are totally not wrong for feeling how you feel about this I would be the same.

Honestly, I’m a bit surprised a 55 yo man has a TikTok but maybe I’m behind the times!

Regardless, this behaviour is totally unacceptable imo. I find it disrespectful and pervy. He’s buying “coins” with actual money to gift them to scantily clad young women in his spare time? For what reason… because it’s nothing good?

Sorry OP, your tummy must have dropped when you saw that but at least you know now!

He has said he bought the coins package as it gives him extra content access for his hobbies which I don’t doubt as I saw it.
This was last night and after I saw his account, I left to sleep elsewhere and haven’t seen him properly to speak to about it. I don’t want to address it in front of our DH for obvious reasons and wanted to get some second opinions! Depending on responses, I might even get him to read the threads.

Yes the creator gets money. A rose is about a third of a penny. A coin a tenth. Roughly. The most expensive emoji (The Universe) gets the creator $280 so £250ish

I agree - I watch Tik Tok and feel like a dinosaur most of the time!

Once I realised what the whole coins and roses biz was, I did feel awful.

Having read up a little, these women are apparently “thirst traps” who dance about and jiggle their bits to temp guys to give them digital rewards. Just typing that made me cringe!

It's creepy, weird and unattractive. Desperate. I wouldn't be okay with this. Honestly, for me Divorce grounds. I just couldn't get past the wandring eye, the creepiness of engaing with much younger women that could be his daughter, and spending money on other women. No, thank you very much. They can keep him.

So creepy and pathetic. Can’t help thinking this is a gateway to only fans and other shit. Really sympathise, he sounds like a waste of oxygen.

My first thought when reading your post is that what he is doing is no different than men gifting money in knickers in a strip club. It’s the online equivalent.

Dirty pervert. I’d be ending things for that.

It seems to be the modern disease amongst men.

If he were only giving these coin things to scantily clad women then I'd absolutely agree. The fact he isn't, and is also giving them to people posting about his hobby makes me a bit more inclined to think its more a case of him just randomly giving them.

I'd not be impressed by my husband paying anything for any form of social media though. I think its weird.

What a sleaze.

Sounds like a version of Only Fans, just packaged differently.

Thank you so much to all of you who have responded. It’s reassuring to know I’m not flipping out for no reason.
Agree totally with the poster who said social media is the disease of modern life. I can’t believe how many men fall for these thirst trap women who probably take the piss out of the daft twats who fall for their tit shaking posts. Sadly I just never thought it would be DH.
I do believe he uses the coins for hobby related stuff but it appears he’s easily distracted. And usually he’s a good husband and father. I’m remaining cool calm and collected and ready to choose my words carefully but it’s not something I’m prepared to accept. Bloody Tik Tok.

I would leave - 100% this is such an ick I could never ever get over it

I wouldn’t be okay with this either. It’s not really the fact that he’s looking at attractive women on TikTok, it’s that he’s actually spent money buying gifts and then sending them to these women while sitting there watching their lives.

To me that crosses a line from just scrolling and looking at content into actively engaging with them, and I’d find it really disrespectful in a relationship. I know the amounts might be small, but I don’t think the amount of money is really the point.

He's a creep. And that's family money he's spunking on women on the internet so it's a financial betrayal as well as being unfaithful

Yuck

Iv separated and it started from this. I was shocked how much it escalated over the space of 5 months. Massive betrayal. Extra kicker is we were in such debt at the time too and I was killing myself working every hour with a new born. But they gave him more attention…

☠️

You seem to be blaming TikTok and the ‘thirst traps’. He isn’t a daft twat. He’s spending money on other young women he finds attractive. It’s highly offensive to you.

Why are grown adults even on TicTok? This in itself would give me the ick.