To think DP should want to spend time with us

[incognito1991]

Been with DP 5 years. Have one DD and one on the way, the way we both work means we only get one day a week off together. I took annual leave so now we have two days off together this week and two next week, which is a rare occurrence and I was looking forward to actually spending it together, I enjoy going out not fussy where even a trip to the shops or park but DP likes to stay in a lot. Anyway first day off today and he’s spent all day doing his own thing, out to see his friend this morning at 10, returned at 4 and is now out messing with his car (regular occurrence) he’ll probably be out there all evening. I think tomorrow he’s planning on doing more car stuff tomorrow. Aibu to expect to spend time together rather than feeling like a single parent yet again, we don’t even spend evenings together, he usually sits downstairs watching truck videos and I go upstairs to watch my programmes, can’t even remember the last time we went to bed together, I usually go around 11 where he’s more 12/1. Is our relationship just fizzled?

YANBU to be upset that he doesnt prioritise you over other activities, You cant make someone want to spend time with you, they either do or they don't.

Has his behaviour recently changed?

Op is already pregnant so he can make time when it suits.
Who's idea was another dc ?

To be honest yes he always pretty much been this way, very much himself first. I guess before I’ve kind of made a big deal about it so he then ends up spending the day with us but I just leave him to it mostly now as I don’t see why I should have to

It was both, I really wanted two close together, I can’t say he isn’t a good dad and it goes through phases where a few weeks we’ll be good but then majority of the time is like this

How can he be a good dad if he goes off doing his own thing all the time. Does he do 50/50 of all parenting and housework when you’re both not at work?

Yes he 'should' and if he cares about you he will whether he wants to or not.

Did you discuss the plans? Maybe he was looking forward to a day on his own and surprised by you taking the day off too. You'll see tomorrow I guess.

I'm upset for you tgat he's not taking time with DC though, it's an opportunity to be an equal parent and spend time with his family.

Speak to him, tell him what you want and see if there is a reasonable compromise. If he won't compromise that tells you everything you need to know.

He does have DD by himself 2 days a week when I go to work, he will also make dinner then too. The rest of the time when he is working he works 8am-9pm so no I wouldn’t say he does 50/50 but you can’t really expect him to come home at that time and do housework

I already have one child with him, what difference does another make? I wouldn’t leave him regardless as life’s easier together I’d struggle financially alone

I wouldn’t say unhappy

You say he likes to stay at home a lot, yet he's happily made plans outside of the house with his mates. That speaks volumes about how low down you are in his list of priorities.
From what you've written, you are so far down the list it's as though he no longer even registers that you're part of his life.
It sounds as though he brings very little, if anything, to the relationship. You deserve better!

Have you actually discussed this with him? It sounds like you’ve fallen into the habit of him tinkering with the car, watching separate tv etc. Maybe have a conversation that you’d like to go out together, even if just to a children’s play farm.

I do agree with this and I know I deserve better but as stated before I won’t leave, just was having a little rant really

Oh yes throughout the years constantly, doesn’t change often

He has consistently shown you what kind of a partner he is- occasionally interested, occasionally contributes to housework, and occasionally interacts with you. Despite having two rare days off, he would rather spend time doing all kinds of stuff, except make some plans with his pregnant partner. And you don't see much wrong with it and are having another child with him. So what can anyone say, apart from have an open conversation with him about how his behaviour is making you feel and what you would like to change before the baby arrives.

In answer to your question, yes your relationship has fizzled out. It fizzled out before you began, and you pushed on anyway. As you’re not planning on doing anything about it, there isn’t really anything anyone can say.

They don't change. Ever. All you can do is decide whether to put up or pack up.

Anyway first day off today and he’s spent all day doing his own thing, out to see his friend this morning at 10, returned at 4 and is now out messing with his car (regular occurrence) he’ll probably be out there all evening. I think tomorrow he’s planning on doing more car stuff tomorrow.

Have you discussed with him who is parenting DD or did he just assume it was you? That assumption would pee me right off. Good dads don't do that.

Even if he doesn't want to be with you (yes, your relationship is dead tbh) then he should be spending time with DD when he is off, like a real parent rather than the babysitter. It's time to start planning the escape route/funds as I can't see this getting any better (been there, got the tshirt).

You say he prefers to be at home but has also spent all day with his mate ? So which is it ?

regardless - why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to spend any time with you ? Are you that desperate for his money ?

Oh no not desperate for his money at all, we earn the same amount I just work less days, we pay 50/50 everything