AIBU to spend money on our hobbies as parents of young children?

[Andmaxandthat]

Hi, So this may seem like a pathetic question but my mum has made me feel really awful today so I am looking for some external input.
DH and I are fairly young parents, we have 2 children, ages 4 and 2.
Ever since our eldest was born, we have protected time each week for us to stay fit and healthy, for DH this is Taekwondo, 2 times a week 8-9pm but it is in a different town so he leaves around 7:40 home around 9:20. Our youngest is almost always asleep by then, and DD is bathed, and just needs a story before sleep. I do Ballet 2 times a week too, 7:45-9, it's only a 5 minute drive away and I never linger if I can avoid it so DH isn't alone for too long, but most of the time I get home to both girls asleep.

My mum today said she thinks it's very selfish of us to spend £90 a month of our fairly limited income on this, when we could spend it on DDs or save it. We already own/have a mortgage, and DD1 does dance, ballet and swimming, DD2 baby ballet and gymtots. We manage one holiday a year, like a eurocamp type holiday.
Yes we get most clothes second hand, don't spend big on christmas etc, but I think this time is really important to DH and I, pre-kids we ran marathons together along side our individual hobbies, and I also think it is good for the girls to have active role models.
Other than this the only real spending on us, is I do lunch with friends once a month and DH has a pub night once a month with his friends.

AIBU to do this? Is it selfish? Should that money be going on nicer clothes/toys for our kids?

You are absolutely doing the right thing! Don't even think twice about it. Clothes and toys are just things. They are used and thrown away. You are investing in your future, experiences for your kids and in your physical and mental health.

Presuming your children are having their needs met and some wants too, which it seems that they are, then it’s not an issue. Tell you mum to keep out, she has had her chance to raise children.

Hobbies, fitness and having a bit of time to yourself are important.

We always made time for exercising even when we had demanding babies. £90 a month isn’t a lot either.

I think what you are doing is entirely reasonable!
It's important to keep fit and healthy and it's really not taking anything away from your children.
2x ballet class a week will pay dividends in the long-term for your overall health and fitness, trust me.
There are a lot of women in my mum's generation (late60s/early 70s) who didn't really do any exercise in their 30s/40s/50s (often through no fault of their own...it was a different time) and I think it does make it harder for them as they've aged. Some of my friends' mums have significant mobility issues and limitations already.
I think it's great that women in my generation are able to prioritise their fitness and wellbeing a bit more. Nothing selfish about it!
I went back to a weekly dance class when my son was just over a year old and I have no regrets at all. Yes, I could have put the money towards more toys or a fancier family holiday but I'll take the improved core strength, muscle tone and confidence boost instead, thank you 🩰

Live your life, not the life your parents think you should live, kids n all.

Your mum needs to butt out. You are people too and not just parents. Taking care of your health and hobbies is important. The kids are with their other parent all happy and safe, so there is no problem.

Your kids don’t need nicer clothes or toys - at those ages they won’t care if their stuff is second hand and they’ll outgrow it within weeks or months anyway.

They do benefit from having mentally and physically healthy parents so I think a very modest spend on your own activities is completely reasonable.

You should 💯 do this. Excellent way to keep fit and do something for yourself. It’s too easy to completely lose yourself when you have small kids.

It’s a great investment in your family’s health and happiness OP. Your mum is being ridiculous - tell her to mind her own.

You have got this right. I have got 5, and clothes were always hand me downs, charity shop, (vinted wasn't a thing then, but would have been on there if it had have been). They never looked scruffy. The best thing about this was if someone spilt something on themselves, it wasn't ever a problem, we let them be kids. Toys were "a bit the same" until they all got close to teenage years, and then it DID get more expensive. You don't sound like you are enjoying yourselves hedonistically and endlessly at the cost of your children's welfare, with your once a month treat and your weekly activities, nor are you asking for someone to look after your kids while you do these things, you act as a team. Parents can be really careless about how they say things, they may have done it differently (or wish they could have if they had their time again) and ultimately it is out of love for their grandchildren rather than to "do you down". I think if I was in your shoes, I would try and move on from the comment. Going forward, either ignore any arch comments, or don't share some of your arrangements (which are more than fine btw xx).

As long as you aren’t moaning to your mum about money or especially asking her for help then it’s fine, kids don’t need anywhere near as much stuff as most have.

A good role model comes with alot of spirit.

The way you are managing your lives sounds pretty damn perfect to me.

Oh, ignore your mum! You're doing nothing wrong, and everything right. You need to have hobbies and a life as well, otherwise your happiness will plummet and the quality of your family life along with it. It's not like your hobbies are unhealthy or excessive by any means. Keep going!

Your mother is bonkers.
I think how you and your husband plan your lives is healthy and to be admired.
People don’t stop being themselves when children come along. Nor should they.
Hold on to yourself and your life. 👏🏻👏🏻

provided your housing is stable, you have some safety net in your savings and you’re not asking your mum for money then you’re fine

£90 a month is not a lot to spend on a hobby. Taikwondo will improve both your physical and mental health and is also a valuable form of self defence. This will give you confidence to handle yourself in risky situations if they ever arise. Personally I am cynical of spending too much money on children's activities to the detriment of the parents. Children need to learn to occupy themselves and not be ferried passively from one "activity" to another.

Sounds like you’ve got your priorities right to me. Clothes don’t need to be new and often charity shop stuff especially for kids is hardly worn. You’re both getting time to yourselves and keeping yourselves healthy physically and mentally.

💯 you should have hobbies. It is important for you well being.

Keep up had hobbies. They are good for your fitness, mental health and your relationship too. Just because you’ve children, doesn’t mean you have to be tied to the house and your children. Interests and hobbies make for an interesting person. It’s great that yourself and your DH give one another the space and time for you both to go to your hobbies.

Stopped reading when the amount was stated, the reason why and the fact you can afford it. What u are doing makes total sense. Be less free with information about financial matters in future.

I think you’ve got this absolutely right / well done!

So many women give up sports in their early teens, you’re setting a brilliant example to your children by carrying yours on.

I think spending money on your health and wellbeing is very sensible and hopefully means you will be around for as long as possible to see your children grow up. It would be different if your were spending it on white lightening for a booze up 4times a week!

The joint cost of your hobbies is modest and happy, healthy parents are worth their weight in gold to kids. Stay as you are.

Sounds like you have everything sorted and organised. 90 quid seems a bargain. Keep on doing what you are.