Page 2 | She should just let me be ill in peace

Spooll · 22/08/2026 22:47

You should have acted in line with the policy and need to be contrite and apologise for not doing so.

If you think the policy needs changing, you should have challenged it during the consultation or when you were first asked to review it.

Or you can do that when you go back to work, but for now you are contractually obliged to follow it.

dreamingofgoodhair · 22/08/2026 22:47

mabelladel · 22/08/2026 21:41

I get that but presumably discretion can be applied, for eg at the extreme, what if someone was in an RTA and not conscious or in a psychotic episode. So who makes the decision on whether a call is appropriate? My gripe is that most managers across our team accept an email / teams recognising that a chat isn't always helpful or conducive to wellbeing.

But you weren’t in either of those situations and if you were someone would have had to inform her. If you’re senior enough to be recruiting people you should set an example and stick to the policy.

MillicentMaybe · 22/08/2026 22:49

mabelladel · 22/08/2026 21:41

I get that but presumably discretion can be applied, for eg at the extreme, what if someone was in an RTA and not conscious or in a psychotic episode. So who makes the decision on whether a call is appropriate? My gripe is that most managers across our team accept an email / teams recognising that a chat isn't always helpful or conducive to wellbeing.

This was me, not the car accident, but very ill and barely conscious and on drips and stuff. Still got docked two days pay,

Blushingm · 22/08/2026 22:50

mabelladel · 22/08/2026 22:40

I know the RTA example was facetious. My point is really where the line is and who adjudicates whether somebody is well enough to have a work conversation.

A colleague recently had appendicitis and emailed to say she was taking the week off. That was accepted. She was fully conscious and presumably physically capable of using a phone, so clearly some discretion can be applied.

In my case I'd barely slept for several nights, was incredibly anxious following the conversation about my blood pressure, had taken sleeping medication and was drowsy and in and out of sleep, as well as having virtually no voice.

I could technically have answered a telephone, yes. But "physically capable of answering a phone" seems a very odd test for whether somebody is well enough to engage with work. I'd told her by email the doctor said I need to rest and disengage. Are we not adult enough to be trusted?

And realistically, what useful information was going to come from that conversation? I'd already reported the absence, explained why I was off and how long I expected to be off. I certainly wasn't going to get out of bed, turn the laptop on and start producing handover emails because I wasn't fit for work.

That's really my issue. Not that policies shouldn't exist, but if discretion clearly exists, where is the line and who decides when somebody is sufficiently ill to be left to recover?

Still not the same - she was having emergency surgery

You spoke to your consultant. A less than 5 min phone call to your boss was all it would have taken - why couldn’t you do that?

HappyHedgehog247 · 22/08/2026 22:53

Can you get yourself signed off or start your mat leave if feeling this unwell?

gillefc82 · 22/08/2026 23:04

I’d also be very tempted to try some malicious compliance in situations like the monitoring of your teams status, but then micromanagement is my absolute pet peeve.

Simply start sending her a message about EVERY aspect of your working day. Every time you first log on, join a teams call, are reviewing a document, whenever you step away from your laptop for a wee or a cuppa, every time MS Word is running slow or Excel freezes. I’d even include a little story about how you slept the night before or what you’re planning to have for tea that evening.

Basically give her a blow by blow account of your day….she’ll soon get fed up of the constant pings with your mundane updates and will hopefully twig that you’re passive aggressive over-communication is as a direct result of her micromanagement and nitpicking. That stops, you’ll stop. Simple!

Devonshiregal · 22/08/2026 23:04

triile · 22/08/2026 21:51

Ours is that you have to ring in daily. They’re sensible though, I get tonsillitis and am totally unable to speak so I ring in silently, my manager knows it’s me and then says “ok just text it’s fine”

and you don't see how ridiculous that is? op is right it is officious bollocks

Sess249 · 22/08/2026 23:18

mabelladel · 22/08/2026 20:03

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and have been really unwell this week. I had tonsillitis, had barely slept for several nights and had been prescribed pain relief and medication to help me sleep. I'd also just had a pretty scary conversation with my consultant about my blood pressure and what might need to happen if it didn't come down, so I was extremely anxious and had been specifically advised to rest.

I powered through it as I was in the middle of recruiting to my team so fulfilled all the interviews and assessments and appointed the candidate. Then I mailed my manager to say I'd seen the doctor, was self-certifying and needed to rest.

She called me a quite a few times over the next few days and I've missed them because I was asleep. Some didn't answer because I was still in bed, exhausted, medicated and had virtually no voice. I'd already explained I was ill and how long I expected to be off.

I've just logged on after basically spending three days in bed and have received a pretty terse email saying I haven't followed sickness procedure because the policy says I should speak to my manager by phone.

I completely accept there is a policy, but AIBU to think some common sense/discretion should apply? If someone has told you they've seen a doctor, they're unwell and have been advised to rest, surely they don't have to prove they're physically incapable of answering a telephone before they're allowed to actually be sick?

I'm angry about it because this isn't the first difficult interaction I've had with my manager and I've always felt watched and scrutinised unduly. During the heatwave, I'd adjusted my hours to start at 7 and work til 3.30 as we don't have core hours. She started monitoring my teams status and claiming I wasn't working. It feels very officious.

Would you respond and explain the circumstances, or just leave it?

“I’m sorry. What is the policy when one has no voice and therefore can’t be heard over the phone? I’ve had a bout tonsillitis and had no voice. I’m happy to follow the procedure and didn’t mean to skirt it but if I had called you it would have been a call of silence as no voice to use. Please advise the policy for this circumstance and I will be sure to follow it next time. On the mend and doing much better, if a bit raspy still, expect to be back on Monday/Tuesday”

thats the most ridiculous thing! I agree that it sounds crazy but still email her or call and be apologetic.

Arsenalfan3 · 22/08/2026 23:18

Our policy is to phone. Sometimes if you phone on day 1, you aren’t required to make a daily phone call. For tonsillitis we would be expected to call daily, the discretion would be used for something more serious (I know it can make you feel lousy though).

Calliopespa · 22/08/2026 23:25

mabelladel · 22/08/2026 22:40

I know the RTA example was facetious. My point is really where the line is and who adjudicates whether somebody is well enough to have a work conversation.

A colleague recently had appendicitis and emailed to say she was taking the week off. That was accepted. She was fully conscious and presumably physically capable of using a phone, so clearly some discretion can be applied.

In my case I'd barely slept for several nights, was incredibly anxious following the conversation about my blood pressure, had taken sleeping medication and was drowsy and in and out of sleep, as well as having virtually no voice.

I could technically have answered a telephone, yes. But "physically capable of answering a phone" seems a very odd test for whether somebody is well enough to engage with work. I'd told her by email the doctor said I need to rest and disengage. Are we not adult enough to be trusted?

And realistically, what useful information was going to come from that conversation? I'd already reported the absence, explained why I was off and how long I expected to be off. I certainly wasn't going to get out of bed, turn the laptop on and start producing handover emails because I wasn't fit for work.

That's really my issue. Not that policies shouldn't exist, but if discretion clearly exists, where is the line and who decides when somebody is sufficiently ill to be left to recover?

Just apologise and make the phone call op.

You are unwell, but not too unwell for a brief phone call.

Calliopespa · 22/08/2026 23:27

gillefc82 · 22/08/2026 23:04

I’d also be very tempted to try some malicious compliance in situations like the monitoring of your teams status, but then micromanagement is my absolute pet peeve.

Simply start sending her a message about EVERY aspect of your working day. Every time you first log on, join a teams call, are reviewing a document, whenever you step away from your laptop for a wee or a cuppa, every time MS Word is running slow or Excel freezes. I’d even include a little story about how you slept the night before or what you’re planning to have for tea that evening.

Basically give her a blow by blow account of your day….she’ll soon get fed up of the constant pings with your mundane updates and will hopefully twig that you’re passive aggressive over-communication is as a direct result of her micromanagement and nitpicking. That stops, you’ll stop. Simple!

Oh no don't do this OP. Malicious obedience always makes a mockery of the person doing it.

Just try to be co-operative. You must be about to take maternity leave.

Superscientist · 22/08/2026 23:28

I had pregnancy sickness whilst working and they relaxed the rule about calling in. Our rule was we had to phone our line manager before 10am. My line manager already accepted text, email or slack. He and HR agreed that I didn't need to message before 10am if I was needing the day off as this was peak sickness time for me but I had to message as soon as was reasonably possible.

In the case of tonsillitis and self certifying we would still be expecting to make contact daily by 10 am preferably but by the time it has been a few days as long as it was by 11 say it was usually ok.

The only time I haven't had to message every day was when I was self certifying because I was an inpatient and had been there for 2 months already but I had been on maternity leave during that period. Its a fairly standard policy and exceptions are for those that really can't practically make that phone call daily.

AmnesiacsDream · 22/08/2026 23:33

During the heatwave, I'd adjusted my hours to start at 7 and work til 3.30 as we don't have core hours. She started monitoring my teams status and claiming I wasn't working.

It sounds like she has concerns about whether you skimp on work hours anyway, OP. I don't know how valid that is (certainly doesn't sound valid from your bit about powering through the recruitment for the sake of the team). For the most part my experience is that managers who are like this are poor managers and don't get the best out of their teams, but you do get some who are just good a spotting people who are a bit work shy.

But given that she seems to have concerns, from her perspective it wouldn't be that appropriate for her to apply discretion if all you'd told her was that you were self-certifying. So I think you should probably have expected to have to comply with policy.

She does sound officious, though, and I'd be wondering about finding a better environment to work in that was trusting and supportive instead.

Minasama · 22/08/2026 23:35

gillefc82 · 22/08/2026 23:04

I’d also be very tempted to try some malicious compliance in situations like the monitoring of your teams status, but then micromanagement is my absolute pet peeve.

Simply start sending her a message about EVERY aspect of your working day. Every time you first log on, join a teams call, are reviewing a document, whenever you step away from your laptop for a wee or a cuppa, every time MS Word is running slow or Excel freezes. I’d even include a little story about how you slept the night before or what you’re planning to have for tea that evening.

Basically give her a blow by blow account of your day….she’ll soon get fed up of the constant pings with your mundane updates and will hopefully twig that you’re passive aggressive over-communication is as a direct result of her micromanagement and nitpicking. That stops, you’ll stop. Simple!

But hardly professional and very junior behaviour. Comply with the policy in the way your manager wants. It’s very simple and so clear via such things who is worthy of promotion (ie will behave professionally in any given situation and understands the bigger picture) and who isn’t/doesn’t.

Namenamchange · 22/08/2026 23:38

The policies the policies right?

Just make sure you don't work a second over you hours, or do any work outside of your job description and make sure you don't go back to work too soon, maybe think about getting the GP to sign you off.

Work should be give and take - but that only works if both parties are up for that.

Velumental · 22/08/2026 23:45

mabelladel · 22/08/2026 21:41

I get that but presumably discretion can be applied, for eg at the extreme, what if someone was in an RTA and not conscious or in a psychotic episode. So who makes the decision on whether a call is appropriate? My gripe is that most managers across our team accept an email / teams recognising that a chat isn't always helpful or conducive to wellbeing.

You weren't unconscious or psychotic, I called from the hospital both when I and my child were in hospital. You have to follow protocol.

triile · 22/08/2026 23:50

Devonshiregal · 22/08/2026 23:04

and you don't see how ridiculous that is? op is right it is officious bollocks

Show quote history

I just do it, it’s the same in every job I’ve been in
like when I went off for a laproscopy and they knew I would be off for weeks, I still had to ring in on the day of my op until I had my fit note from the hospital

Spiderx · 22/08/2026 23:59

mabelladel · 22/08/2026 20:03

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and have been really unwell this week. I had tonsillitis, had barely slept for several nights and had been prescribed pain relief and medication to help me sleep. I'd also just had a pretty scary conversation with my consultant about my blood pressure and what might need to happen if it didn't come down, so I was extremely anxious and had been specifically advised to rest.

I powered through it as I was in the middle of recruiting to my team so fulfilled all the interviews and assessments and appointed the candidate. Then I mailed my manager to say I'd seen the doctor, was self-certifying and needed to rest.

She called me a quite a few times over the next few days and I've missed them because I was asleep. Some didn't answer because I was still in bed, exhausted, medicated and had virtually no voice. I'd already explained I was ill and how long I expected to be off.

I've just logged on after basically spending three days in bed and have received a pretty terse email saying I haven't followed sickness procedure because the policy says I should speak to my manager by phone.

I completely accept there is a policy, but AIBU to think some common sense/discretion should apply? If someone has told you they've seen a doctor, they're unwell and have been advised to rest, surely they don't have to prove they're physically incapable of answering a telephone before they're allowed to actually be sick?

I'm angry about it because this isn't the first difficult interaction I've had with my manager and I've always felt watched and scrutinised unduly. During the heatwave, I'd adjusted my hours to start at 7 and work til 3.30 as we don't have core hours. She started monitoring my teams status and claiming I wasn't working. It feels very officious.

Would you respond and explain the circumstances, or just leave it?

I'm on your side. I am male so never been pregnant (!) but used to suffer with regular tonsillitis ...absolutely awful from childhood to mid twenties. Did shift work in chemical/ pharma factories often out of hot steamy workplace then working on forklift out in tbe cold night air . Eventually had to have a meeting with manager about constant time off...don't know how he did it ( old boys network?) but think he was able to get me bumped up the list to have tonsils out . Result , it worked, no more time off !! But for OP to be pregnant too...her boss should be more sympathetic.

Franjipanl8r · 23/08/2026 00:17

A good employee will know the policy, follow it, or if they cant follow policy at least be proactive in explaining why they can’t comply in that particular instance.

You’re just ignoring the policy and arguing the toss. Actions like that aren’t nice to manage.

Happyjoe · 23/08/2026 00:22

mabelladel · 22/08/2026 21:41

I get that but presumably discretion can be applied, for eg at the extreme, what if someone was in an RTA and not conscious or in a psychotic episode. So who makes the decision on whether a call is appropriate? My gripe is that most managers across our team accept an email / teams recognising that a chat isn't always helpful or conducive to wellbeing.

If you're signed off sick officially, no they shouldn't keep calling/hounding you I don't think but I think they are allowed to phone.
I don't know why you just didn't tell them the truth, rather than just sign yourself off sick? Would that not have stopped this ill feeling?
Also, don't think it's useful comparing yourself to other situations that are not relevant, sorry. I don't suppose any workplace will hold it against someone if someone has been in an RTA and couldn't get to the phone.

Disturbia81 · 23/08/2026 00:26

I’ve always had jobs where I’ve had to call, and I hate it. Yet people I know who are in more well paid jobs can just send a message.

maxslice · 23/08/2026 00:29

Management is not in the business of giving a damn about people. They are in the business of business. You did the right thing taking care of yourself (what a miserable time). BUT. Apologize and in the future, do everything by the book if you want to stay in this job.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 23/08/2026 00:32

You have to adhere to policy or risk discipline. Get a medical note asap.

gillefc82 · 23/08/2026 01:23

Minasama · 22/08/2026 23:35

But hardly professional and very junior behaviour. Comply with the policy in the way your manager wants. It’s very simple and so clear via such things who is worthy of promotion (ie will behave professionally in any given situation and understands the bigger picture) and who isn’t/doesn’t.

Show quote history

This was posted entirely tongue in cheek. Although I really can’t abide micromanagers!

My more serious view and advice was posted a little further up the thread.

gillefc82 · 23/08/2026 01:24

Calliopespa · 22/08/2026 23:27

Oh no don't do this OP. Malicious obedience always makes a mockery of the person doing it.

Just try to be co-operative. You must be about to take maternity leave.

Show quote history

This was posted entirely tongue in cheek. Although I really can’t abide micromanagers!
My more serious view and advice was posted a little further up the thread.