DD overdose. The system is broken? Any advice?

[BeethovenNinth]

I have posted about DD before. Broken by lockdown, anorexia age 12, school drop out, burn out, self harm extreme. We are five years in.

we have repeatedly been told she doesn’t qualify for help and have tried various therapists ourselves.

she is out of school and self learning. Very lonely. Seems ok recently ot so I thought.

due to intense sadness last night she took an overdose of aspirin. I suspect a cry for help and she phoned childline who got her to phone 111. (She didn’t think to wake any of us). I suspect A and E will just kick us out soon.

we are a loving family but this is a huge setback.

we are Edinburgh based, desperate desperate for the right help.

private psychiatrist? Do we suggest sertraline? Anyone in Scotland have any good suggestions?

thanks from a broken mother

So have we and lies too. Wasted a few pennies.
The best one we tried was just talk therapy locally, no delving and no pressure, relaxed approach and guess what ?! No charge but we made a donation. That lady was one in a million and she was there because she had the very same battle with her children.

It does get very confusing as you don’t often get a standalone diagnosis. Different therapists are different ages and are using various approaches according to their training or experience. Oh and they judge and blame - some of those we met! We know it’s the genes.

Those that say no meds should consider that you wouldn’t say that to a diabetic.

OP says meds are needed - the journey is so long, Mums know when that time comes for meds, absolutely they do. Always go with your gut instinct.

Thinking of you all who are struggling. Good luck.

I'm so sad to hear your story. My Dd had anorexia aged 11. Did your child get help from Camhs at that time? I actually had a positive experience of them and my dd left after 18 months and did recover. Like your dd she does suffer with anxiety and still has meltdowns at times. They did tell me there is a strong link between autism and eating disorders but like you I don't think my child has autism just anxiety. I have been lucky as she still attends school and does well and goes out with friends ect. We were cruel to be kind, she was made to do things that made her anxiety worse as advised because that is the only way to improve it, like getting the bus on her own, making her ask for things it all sounds very minor but each step lessons the anxiety for the next time. I am probably teaching you to suck eggs and I expect you have done all the strategies and there's nothing more annoying than people suggesting things like you haven't already though of it. I think having early help definitely saved her and I know many teens do relapse. I don't really know what to advise here just wanted to offer a virtual hug. I don't like the idea of meds but your dd is in a very bad place so perhaps setraline is worth a go and then it might allow her to take steps from there. I did in fact have setraline myself when I had pnd and came off it fine after 2 years, it made me feel numb and I didn't like the feeling but feeling numb is better than harming yourself. Would she be open to trying it? It's so sad there seems to be little help for older children suffering with mental health.

We are now in a mixed ward whilst they monitor her blood levels. There is a grown man opposite staring at her. She is highly vulnerable and was sexually harassed at school.

how is this able to happen to a young girl.

I’m so sorry there isn’t more help and that things aren’t looked at holistically. There could be various reasons and the fobbing off when you desperately need help is awful. Covid causes brain changes in a number of children - it can be an horrific virus (might be worth looking at PANS/Pandas/Long covid kids for advice if this happened on back of an infection). In girls especially, the wheels for masking can fall off, especially when they hit puberty and a harsher school environment. I hope you find the right road - it shouldn’t be this hard to access help.

This is normal sadly.

I was in a similar position and unfortunately it was largely down to forcing her to attend school with us and teachers acting almost as “security” to get her exams and into college and work. She absolutely thrived once the qualifications were behind her.

otherwise the advice given on this thread is good re hiding everything that can damage her. Does she have any ambitions for the future? I think a lack of this is the worst at this point in their lives.

Consider a private / rapid ADHD assessment. If she is then she might find the dopamine stimulant medication helpful - both for her overall anxiety / mood and actually starting to feel like life is manageable

it's not a label
it is a route to support if she had adhd

if she doesn't then it's one option off a long complex list

Tell the ward staff - urgently
hopefully they can draw the curtains round - preferably him the arsehole

@FoursocksOP already did

@BeethovenNinth I hope you can stay with her especially if it’s overnight. Keep us posted. All the very best.

But she doesn’t think she has ADHD.

Sorry I haven’t had time to read the whole thread but would highly recommend Fiona Macleod as a therapist - Edinburgh based. https://stillpointpsychology.co.uk/

I was fine through primary school and then the wheels fell off in y7.
I was very like your dd - bulimia instead of anorexia but everything else is like reading my history.
I didn't get proper help until age 20. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I was diagnosed autistic earlier this year. Even if she doesn't want to be assessed, look for a therapist who works with ASD.
Good luck. She's lucky to have such a caring mum.

So sorry OP - I hope all works out OK. Sorry I’ve not advice/hel from what you’ve already tried…. I would try to keep her busy doing nice things (no thinking time) and get a pet she can solely look after and be responsible for?
Good luck to you all.

I'm so sorry OP. I've trodden this path too and I thought it would never end, but it has, there's been lots of improvement after years of thinking nothing would change.

The thing that made the difference to us was a) a private therapist who specialises in autism/ADHD and ND in teens and has seen it all before but was very reassuring and just a constant presence through the chaos, not sure it was the 'talking' so much as having someone to be with, whatever happened, uncritical loving acceptance type of a thing and b) time and maturity, as their brains come out of the maelstrom of middle adolescence and they start figuring out the only person who is going to change their lives is them.

I wish you all the luck in the world, your dd is lucky to have you, she will grow up and out of this, crossed fingers.

Is she 18?
my DD and I begged for help before she was 18 and they sent her to YMCA counselling and other mostly pointless things. The day after she turned 18 she went to the GP and demanded help and they gave her sertraline. It’s not perfect by any means but it’s turned things around for her.
she worries about being a bit “numb” on it but it’s preferable to the previous state of constant panic she was in before.

This sounds so helpful - apologies for my previous pretty inadequate post! I hadn’t read latest OP 🤦‍♀️

I think not wanting a diagnosis is common and I'm not sure a diagnosis would solve anything anyway because when girls (in particular) manifest with this cluster of problems (self-harm, eating disorders, spectrum ND, over-exercising, anxiety, sometimes trauma), it's all muddled up. What can look like anxiety or ADHD can morph over time, we were even considered for a bipolar diagnosis and now I'm so glad we just didn't get any diagnoses and just went on with symptom management. It's then up to them as adults to decide if diagnosis is the right pathway.

So sorry you are all going through this. CAMHS no longer really exists.

You need to remove all medication, knives, pencil sharpeners etc and store in the car. This is for the next year or two at least.

It's a long slog and CAMHS are unlikely to help. Don't get her sectioned, it won't help. My teen didn't have an eating disorder but we went through self harm and no school hell for years. It's proper shit. Mine has come through the other side without medication or counselling (she was essentially mute for a while).

I have to say though op saying you are suicidal in front of her particularly when you aren’t is not a good idea. My ND children have been severely mentally unwell for several years and modelling behaviour in difficult stressful situations alongside ensuring they know they have a safe reliable person to rely on is important. There is also a risk staff will just assume she’s copying and it’s learnt behaviour in how to react when struggling. I do know it’s really tough though and you have my sympathies.

You need to remove all medication, knives, pencil sharpeners etc and store in the car. This is for the next year or two at least

I have stored medication in the car.

Some current thinking on harm reduction for self-harm is that if they are set on it, it may be better to leave safer products, such as a disinfected sharp object they always use as well as make up a kit of plasters, steristrips and disinfectant. It seems just a horrific thing to do, but by taking away safer products, they often then use unsafe things like pencil sharpeners. I'd google safer/harm reduction and self-harm, and there's lots of charities that can advise on this so you don't have to take my word on it, and you can think it through yourself. Also disclosure and telling people should always be encouraged even if it's awful for you, because then things can be addressed, medical attention sought, but with minimal fuss. It's a detached way to deal with it which isn't always possible in the moment when you are very upset, but it can pay off in terms of creating a safe place to share and to start building replacement or better harm reduction strategies (even the simple ones like having an elastic band on the wrist and snapping it, sharing with you that they want to self-harm, distraction, comfort boxes).

I'm really sorry you are going through this OP. I've heard good things about the Purple House Clinic in Edinburgh. They specialise in young people's mental health and neurodiversity and have a multidisciplinary team.

Do you have life insurance? Or work benefits?

some of them offer CBT in there package and private GP diagnoses so it’s worth looking into.

draw the curtains or ask for her to be moved, this isn’t acceptable at all.

When my friends son attempted suicide he was sent to a mental health unit for a 12 week stay. Did wonders for him.
Took 2 stays in the priory to help my cousins anorexia, OCD and depression. But she’s doing great now. Hopefully you’ll get some help now she has attempted to take her own life. The help is out there, you just have to fight for it.

How or why is she not on medication? Surely this should have been started months if not years ago along side therapy.

There’s no shame or harm in going down the medication route IMO. Keep making a noise/fuss until you’re heard. I’m surprised no agencies have offered help especially your GP.
sorry you’re all going through this.