AIBU to get sick of DH strop

[Fizzyrosie]

Currently sat in a cramped roof of a campervan questioning AIBU. DH and Dd completed a long distance walk yesterday which is amazing! So proud of them. Was so pleased when they'd finished and had booked a meal at the "official" hotel at the finish but I managed to get the time of the booking wrong so we turned up at 6.30pm not 6pm so they couldn't fit us in.

After a long stint in the campervan there was half a bag of pasta and a few cereal bars left. DH was soooooo annoyed and went in an uncooperative, uncommunicative strop worthy of the moodiest teen. After much stressing I managed to get into us into an Indian place in the next town. I know I haven't walked the whole way. But they've had this amazing experience together. And I've been their sherpa. Sorting brekkie, a pack up and tea everyday., finding campervan places, packing and unpacking the fecking van, doing the washing / tidying up and driving the damn thing around the tiny roads to the next meet up place. I stink as been wearing the same clothes all week. Had to make an emergency trip to Sainsbury's for clean knickers. Spending 6 hours a day on my own trying to find something interesting to do en route that doesn't cost too much with a dog. I've seen more ruins than I know what to do with. Sat in homely little cafes nursing a coffee whilst people come and go with their loved ones. I know some people like being on their own and would find it quite nice but it's been a rubbish holiday for me as I end up feeling like I'm going doolally if I spend too much time on my own. I ended up taking to the dog and Jeremy vine. Even considered ringing in one day. And then to have the last night effectively ruined. Yes I did get the wrong time for the booking but it's one little mistake as I'd read the spreadsheet we have for all booking wrong on my phone. So AIBU to feel aggrieved by his moody strop?

I think we were all a bit wrung out. He can be moody. But he does usually recognise it afterwards. Today is a new day and all that. I'll leave it for now and not make the achievement about one awkward evening.

Think my reaction comes down to me being such a people pleaser. When I try and put effort in and it isn't recognised it seems to hit me hard.

Deep down I know my Dd and DH really do appreciate it.

Think about his perspective a moment.
Finished his epic walk, looking forward to a meal at the "official" hotel. I.e. one associated with completion. He was on some sort of emotional journey at that point. Were there others on this walk, who he wanted to share nods across the restaurant with, the shared camaraderie of completion?

The curry may have been lovely, but you had to scratch around to find it, eat later than planned when he was knackered and not have the version of the end he had pictured.

I think you can afford him to have had a bit of disappointment at that. If it continues today, then it probably moves into the unreasonable territory.

Deep down I know my Dd and DH really do appreciate it.

Yeaaah, but they should be saying it and showing it.

Not so deep down that you have to imagine it. 🤔

That falls into the fooling yourself/delusional category 😂

If he's taking you for granted, give him a row about it. Otherwise it'll just get worse.

Don't be a martyr to their hobby if they don't at least thank you with words at some point soon.

He’s a prick and so is the woman that called you scatty. Don’t help him out again. It was a complete mistake. Shit like this winds me up! Same with all these celebs doing stuff for charity, poor them, getting all the love and praise and support. Meanwhile there’s a woman somewhere in the background doing all the work, holding shit down! Scatty my arse.

Speaking from experience here, after completing long distance sporting events you end up completely doolally with low blood sugar. Your oh and dd would have been fantasising about what they would eat, maybe even checking out the hotel menu, looking forward to sitting down and resting their aching legs. I remember completing my first marathon and almost wanting to cry seeing the only food stand with a huge long queue. I couldn’t bear to stand for another minute.

It sounds like you did a really good job overall. The hiccup with the restaurant would have been a catastrophe in your relatives’ mind because they were building up to it. However, once they’ve had a good sleep and good breakfast they’ll be right as rain again.

Next time, keep a back up option on the spreadsheet for the ‘last meal’ and book yourself a spa day or two, plus a trip to the launderette. As the support act, you need to take care of yourself, too.

He is being an arsehole. No need to take the small mistake out on you. Hope he is in a better mood today and you can discuss this.

He was probably shattered and emotional and starving hungry - yes, his behaviour wasn’t ideal but those long distance hikes can really take it out of you both physically and emotionally.

Hopefully he’s feeling better this morning and you can all move on.

I am also the main organiser (including holidays) of a family of three although in my case it's the teen that's grumpy, moody and unappreciative and DH that has manners.

I say don't do it again. People like your DH will NEVER appreciate the support work. Instead they will just expect more and more of it. Put yourself first sometimes, spend money on yourself; do things YOU like. A family holiday should not need to involve a planning spreadsheet.

If DH wants to do long distance walks he can spring for the organised kind or make his own sodding spreadsheet.

You can still take him for a nice meal at the end. IF he apologises for his childish behaviour on this occasion.

Next time? There wouldn't ever be a next time. The ungrateful twat can sort himself out.

Yes I agree. This is a VERY selfish type of holiday if it requires the other family member to support like this. Where's their holiday?!

I have done long walks like this.

you really do need food at the end of it.

it’s not really like a normal holiday where there’s time to amble around and look at a few restaurants and decide where you want to eat.

yes, you have done a lot to support both your dh and your dd but in all honesty I’ve been in similar situations (no food at the end of a long day walking and I just burst into tears),

obviously ideally he wouldn’t strip but there is a reason hangry is a thing,

I think you’re both probably knackered for different reasons, he was disappointed about dinner and didn’t manage that very well and you’re annoyed that it’s come off as not being appreciated.

You need to apologise for cocking up the booking, he needs to apologise for being a mardy twat, you both need to probably have a big hug and say well done/thank you as appropriate and agree to start over again tomorrow and have a second celebratory arrival dinner.

Mistakes happen and people react badly when they’re tired/hungry/haven’t processed what’s going on, it’s how you communicate afterwards and resolve it that matters.

Then he can sort himself out in future or pay for the support. The only word he should be using right now is thank you.

Why not find a launderette on one of those days you're hanging around?

Yes it’s an irritating mistake but it’s not the end of the world. Mistakes happen and you’ve done your best to arrange and support a good trip, which was a kind thing to do. You’ve apologised and tried to make-good; what else could you do?

I’d be telling him to snap out of it and if he doesn’t I’d be buggering off to a spa hotel by myself (or maybe with dd).

I think he is stroppy because he is tired, was likely spending the walk keeping an eye on the teen and possibly realising that he isn’t as young and fit as he used to be.

I hope this is chat gpt, otherwise what an odd post.

FFS at all the references to the op's "job" being to support her husband and daughter. And all the criticism about how she could have done it better/had a better time herself 🤯 Although amusing to see the legendary spa day trope being wheeled out again 🤣

She's his partner and it's her holiday too, a bit of fucking gratitude wouldn't go amiss! @Fizzyrosie I hope his attitude has improved this morning and you have actually received some thanks for everything you've done to support them. I'd lose my shit if not!

Probably because she'd rather spend a fiver and five minutes on supermarket knickers than spend the same on a laundrette and have sit there for hours.

She was already running around after the walkers doing all the camping chores, I think she can allow herself the luxury of a packet of knickers.

Sounds like a completely shit “holiday” for you, OP. I would be miserable and resentful too. Tell him to get a fucking grip and do all the donkey work himself next time. He’s the one who wanted to do a massive walk.

How could she do a bloody spa day with a bloody dog in tow? 🤔

The whole thing sounds quite miserable. I guess your husband's stroppiness was a bit much but hunger and tiredness can do that to someone. Your daughter and husband could have also been more attentive about the reservation time. It's not entirely your fault and you should let them know that. Perhaps in future you should not be accompanying them on such trips. They can get it organised through a travel agent.

Lots of posters telling the OP that she should have found a launderette, a nice spa, a gym, etc, etc. In my experience, these places tend to be a bit rare along most of the long distance walk routes that are of the type described by the OP.

Sounds to me that if OP hadn't met them with the support vehicle each day, her husband and daughter would have had to carry a tent, sleeping bags, clothes, water and all their food for the week. I guess her husband was tired and hungry, and possibly had his own expectations which weren't met, but he'd have had it a damn sight harder if his wife hadn't given up a week off holiday to run about after him.

He’s tired and hungry - it was a silly mistake though to get the time wrong

Move on let it go but next time be more organised.

Why is a spa day always the solution to everything…