AIBU to be angry about comments on my granddaughters' names?

[Ellenay]

So, I have 5 grandchildren, this weekend I’m looking after all of them, my daughter and her husband are away to a wedding in France and my son and his wife have booked a little spa weekend.

I popped in to see some of my friends with them as I don’t often have the children and my friends like seeing them.

One of my friends had some other friends I’ve not met before over but we joined them. After introducing the children and then being sent to the kitchen to get a lollipop, one of these friends said oh don’t all the girls have little showgirl names, I must have looked a bit shocked as someone else then jumped in and said oh she doesn’t mean p*rnstar just very moulin rouge.

I just said I thought their names were lovely and moved on but now I’m back home I’m furious, I’m furious I didn’t give her a piece of my mind.

AIBU to think this is an absurd thing to say about children’s names?!

Ah sorry, I would have certainly commented on Saintly named. Would I have enraged grandma. Possibly as she seems to be very sensitive.

This is how you are choosing to see it. My brain doesn’t hear showgirl as insulting. So you have to take it from me that there are multiple points of view.

that said, it’s dodgy territory making comments about names as it could easily be taken the wrong way. But I honestly don’t think it was necessarily meant to be rude.

Yup It’s a class signifier.

Your daughter didn’t choose from the prescribed list of acceptable names for people like us, implication being ooh maybe you aren’t really a member of the club after all . Maybe you are an outsider. Real playground , Queen Bee stuff

Correct response to this is : A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Now Go Fuck Yourself ,Vicky.

I mean actual dancers. Proper showgirls. I don’t see anything wrong with that they’re not strippers.

I always think this is fascinating as my two grandsons have the more “middle class names”, but live in a rental, just about getting by and my daughter lives in central London, kids in private schools, multiple holidays a year.
Names aren’t always useful class signifiers, yet people love to act as though they are!

I suppose though the obvious retort to that is wealth isn't a class signifier either.

I'm not meaning to give the specific names a hard time by making that observation.

What do you take as a class signifier? Education? Hobbies? Taste?
As sure I wouldn’t say my DD is exactly the durham grad, who wears Boden etc.
But she had a career in ballet after graduating from a top international ballet school then moved into other elements of the creative world (rehearsal direction, choreography and production), so she is hardly nouveau riche.

I don’t think this is a class issue.

It’s a Stripper Names issue.

It's rude to have said it. My SIL said we'd picked "old lady" names for our twins and that stung a bit tbh, but I suppose we have to accept that any name has connotations to the listener. However it's also very fluid; what was a 'showgirl' name in one generation can simply be 'cool', or even 'boring' depending on popularity and usage in the next generation.
It sounds like the person feels (rightly) embarrassed by what they said, but it's only one person's opinion. You can either take the high ground and be the bigger person or wait for a passive aggressive opportunity to bring up Moulin Rouge in the future (I'd probably do option 2 😂)

Manners most of all I'd say.

Decorum, a way of knowing how to act and handle things.

And yes, hobbies, taste and education ahead of hard cash.

ETA your DD is fine OP. The names are fine. The ballet world explains them imo. They are names on the creative/performing arts radar.

I got bored and made a thread on this about an hour ago lol. Strange how people think they know everything from a name but my eldest was born in a homeless shelter when I was 16 and has what’s been described as a “posh name” and my youngest born when I was an adult women, dad has a very middle class job and my youngest name is called “chav lower class “ on here. Take absolutely no notice

Maybe there’s a simpler explanation to the comment then?

If the person knew your daughter was a ballerina, did she mean ‘showgirl’ as in someone who is on stage? Actress, singer etc?

So implying that your daughter being a ballerina, these names go well?

Maybe you looked for offence where none was intended and the 2nd person ruined it with their comment.

It’s great to have a name that has a ring to it, like Sharon Stone, Angelina Jolie, Sabrina Carpenter, Rachel Weisz… These are ‘showgirl names’ as in appropriate for life in the public eye and people seek out memorable names like that.

If you give your kids names like Lola, Roxy, etc. people
are going to make assumptions! I know a Lolita and the mother is pissed that people think it’s not appropriate for a little girl…

I understand with Lolita there is the literary reference and it could be seen as a disturbing reference for a little girl.

However what is wrong with Lola or Roxy?
Why wouldn’t they be appropriate for little girls?

However what is wrong with Lola or Roxy?
Why wouldn’t they be appropriate for little girls?

People have already said multiple times: the Copabana and Chicago connotations. It was extremely rude of this woman to comment, but people will think it. Barry didn't name his showgirl Jane for a reason and Sarah Hart doesn't conjure the same image as Roxie.

Obviously, they're just connotations. We make these connections and have these initial reactions, sometimes from personal expeirence (e.g. a bully that was called Hannah), sometimes from pop culture or history.

The Lola thing ties back to Lolita: "“She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita.”

But the truth is usage plays into all this as well, and Lola has come back into common usage. It's fine.

If you understand with Lolita surely you can understand the showgirls ref for the others?

Anyway, I think people will only react when hearing the names together because they all got the ref. You wouldn't necessarily think about it hearing just one of the names.

No I understand the showgirl reference.

But posters have said over and over it’s not an insult. So if it wasn’t an insult what is wrong with Roxy or Lola as a name?

Nothing is wrong with any of the names. Nobody said anything was wrong with them- not even the lady making the comment. It was just an observation. Don't overthink it and move on.

With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there...

There’s nothing wrong with any of the names, there are all perfectly nice. It’s when you have them as a group of 3 together that they become noticeable. If your DD is in performing arts, it might even be deliberate on her part. Not that she wanted people to comment on ‘showgirl’ names, but in her mind the names go together - and that’s why.

Roxy is to me Roxy who was in Eastenders or a beach clothing brand.

Lola is " walks like a woman but talks like a man" 😂

Love Ruby and Lola but personally I’d give Roxy a miss entirely due to Chicago (shallow I know) love the musical though.
Nothing wrong with the three names really.