'I don't like confrontation'

[Odoreida]

I see this phrase everywhere on this site and it is often the start of a situation which then escalates. AIBU to say that no-one likes confrontation, but stating your needs / an opposing point of view / pointing out when someone has done something wrong politely and firmly is an essential life skill and it's worrying that so many people don't seem to have it?

Of course you don't want to put yourself in danger, but there are so many situations that can be easily resolved by using your words straight away.

If you 'don't like confrontation', how do you get your point across when it becomes necessary? Or do you just suffer in silence and, I guess, post here about it instead?

but there are loads of threads here re bill splitting, to use your excellent example above, from people who just will not say what you suggest because they don't want to 'make a scene in the restaurant'. It is calmly standing up for your rights which I think is the important life skill.

Luckily I don't know anyone who would insist on particular colours for a wedding but I wouldn't bother to argue with them, I'd just wander away into another room

I bloody love confrontation, always have.
However, i usually do it in such a way that leaves people thinking "what just happened"

If they’re complaining about and suffering situations they don’t want to be in, that could quite easily be solved by being assertive, then yes, they would absolutely benefit from working on their lack of assertiveness. Being naturally inclined/ socialized to a trait does not mean you have to accept it, or that you cannot change it.

OP - I do think a lot of it is socialization. I was raised in a country that is direct when it comes to communication, and saying ‘no’ doesn’t have to be couched in apology or appeasement. It isn’t considered rude, aggressive, or uncomfortable there at all, whereas not saying what you mean and/or accepting something when you don’t want to would be indicative of someone weird, rude, weak and/or untrustworthy.

However, in the UK whether someone is assertive or rude is often entirely in the eye of the beholder, and saying no at all can be considered the latter.

Maybe people disagree with you about what is necessary? So someone taking a car park space, no I won’t, but to use an example from another thread, an architect being vague about the cost basis of an estimate and it being massively over what was agreed. Yes, we are going to be talking about that, and I will be precise and articulate about my requirements.

I love Dutch people so much. We should all go Dutch!

Nobody likes confrontation but some find it far easier to deal with than others for all sort of reasons.