I wish people weren't so ignorant. I'm so very tired of the naughty boy/poor parenting/lazy fucker stereotypes and I'm so sick of people making judgements about things that they clearly don't understand.
I have adhd. Diagnosed for free by the NHS if that makes any difference... not that it should, but simply to make it clear that I didn't "buy" my diagnosis.
I am not currently medicated for various reasons, and haven't been for a long time. I don't claim PIP and have never claimed benefits of any kind. Not that there would be any shame in it if I had, but just for the record, I haven't. I have a demanding full time job and I am a higher rate tax payer. I have never asked for reasonable adjustments at work because I have never declared my adhd for fear of the stigma attached to it. Though I'm now the boss, so I can make adjustments of my own that nobody else need be aware of.
I wasn't badly behaved at school. Quite the contrary, in fact, I was a model of good behaviour. I didn't have any reasonable adjustments or extra time in exams, but I excelled academically, got an Oxbridge degree and later a masters which I completed while working full time and raising a young family.
From an outsider's perspective, I am not "lazy". I manage a demanding full time job alongside daily caring responsibilities for two elderly relatives which typically take up 2-3 hours each day. I am a school governor and a charity trustee, and I mentor a young person. I continue to provide practical and emotional support to my young adult dd, who also has adhd. And as a friend, I am known as someone who will step up and support in whatever way might be required.
I do not use my adhd to make excuses for anything. Quite the contrary, I work myself into the ground trying to hide it from people. Those who don't know me well assume that I'm just high energy and super organised. They have no idea of how furiously I'm paddling beneath the surface simply to stay afloat because I don't choose to let them see.
But the fact that others don't see it doesn't mean that I'm not struggling. And the small, inner circle of very close friends and family see a very different version of me from the one that I present to the outside world. One that finds the most basic aspects of daily life an almost insurmountable struggle despite having learned how to hide this very effectively. One that spends many hours and large amounts of money on fixing the impact of those struggles. One that feels constantly compelled to take on more and more responsibilities while simultaneously feeling utterly burnt out and paralysed by how much there is to do already. One that is constantly plagued by guilt and shame about the things which haven't been done while never allowing any credit or recognition for the things which have been achieved. One that forgets to eat and sleep, or simply deprioritises this. One that can't ever wind down and relax. One that constantly fears the paralysis taking over. One that constantly apologises for everything. One that is ultra sensitive to any hint of criticism or rejection. One that is full of self criticism and blame. One that knows how to stay calm on the outside while living with total emotional turmoil within.
Living with adhd is so fucking difficult and I wouldn't wish it on my own worst enemy. If you don't know what it's like, then you are lucky. But perhaps stop assuming that you are in a position to judge because you are merely revealing your ignorance. Please be grateful for that ignorance, and stop adding to the struggles of people who are already struggling enough.