Partner maybe having mental break down ?

[strugglingtbh]

I don’t know what to do.
my partner is 49, he works full time Monday - Friday
he leaves for work at 6.30am and is home around 3.30pm
i have older children from previous relationship & we have a 2 year old together. I’m stay at home mum. Will be going back to work next year. we’re ok for money. Not rich but fine.

I keep the house nice, look after all children, school runs, days out I do all the cooking the food shopping. All the mum / house wife duties. He always comes home to his dinner ready, clean home, the kids are all good & very chill. I’m moving towards him he’s not neglected at all.

weekends we do family things, his mum visits, go out for dinner, we put things up round the house just normal family weekends. Date nights are little because we have a young family.

for a few months he’s moaned about everything. He’s called me some awful things. Loser, fat, crap mum, I need to better my life, called me horrible things in the bedroom.
he doesn’t sleep, he’s up & down all night long pacing the house. Tonight I went to him and he was looking out the window crying? I cuddled him, spoke to him, asked questions, he quickly snapped and stormed off and told me to make it into something it’s not?? All I did was care.
he says he gets no time to himself & there’s always something that needs doing like mowing the grass!???

I said that’s a normal homely job this is not normal that’s when he flipped.
if he hears a slight noise outside or neighbours he’s up and flips. He shouted out the window to neighbours the other night to shut the F up. I’m embarrassed.
if our 18 month old wakes up he’s annoyed. Everything annoys him. I’m so low. This is only a few things mentioned. I’m his emotional punch bag.
he’s started smoking weed which I don’t think is helping. But if I mention that he flips. He use to smoke it years ago. Gave up for ages now back on it.
he tells me I don’t love him or fancy him???? He has no reason behind this I can promise you. He refuses to see a GP.
he often texts me abuse when he’s at work & it ruins my day. I’m riddled with anxiety because of him.
ive told him nobody’s stopping you going out & doing as you please. I’ve even told him if family life is too much for you go live your life ill raise I’ll son. I’ve given him every option.
he’s really not mentally all there. Road rage, snappy, low.
he said he feels like he’s drowning.
what do I do :(

He’s messaging me now calling me all the names and telling me he wants to be dead. I’m crippled.

He’s also text me saying I’m boring and shit at everything and to fuck off with our kid. He’s admitted he’s not well and hates me. I’ve now got to get the kids ready and fake a smile for a day out whilst he’s at work. I just want to cry and someone to cuddle me :(

Reply and say that if he continues to make suicide threats you will send an ambulance to where his is.

You need legal advice, book an appointment with a solicitor and work out how to house yourself and your DC elsewhere. This is not something that you need to fix.

Whatever the cause the outcome is that you’re a victim of domestic abuse. Have you got friends and family you can confide in? You also need to find your local domestic abuse charity and ask for 1 to 1 support. If you’re struggling to identify one speak with your health visitor and they’ll signpost you. I also think you need a break from the abuse. Is there anywhere he can stay for now, with a friend or family?

Block him for now. If he is having a mental break nothing you say will have an impact and he won’t remember it either.

unblock him at the end of the day

Smoking weed, esp daily with make him paranoid. It's a well-known side effect. Smoking it for depression/unhappy with his life doesn't help, it makes it worse.

Until he stops smoking it and talks to you, a doctor, shrink, am afraid I don't think you can do much. You need to keep yourself safe mentally as well as your children, if this goes on much longer you may find you lose a bit of yourself too.

Can you leave? Do you have any family? I am worried for your safety.

Whatever his mental state this is emotional abuse. Please contact your local Women's Aid service for support, leaving may feel impossible but they will help you understand the support you would be entitled to. Keep the messages as evidence.

You need to leave.

I’m sorry but that is so naive. He is a drug user - stop minimising it. My DC did not live with a drug user of any kind. His mental health is shot because he’s a drug user. Get your DC away from him.

Op, he’s vile, truly vile. Cuddle your kids, and get you and them somewhere safe.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. Please document and screenshot everything.

Do you have any family support - mum/siblings etc?

Update is good. No more pretending. He can have what he wants. I am being flippant I know and it’s not easy but sometimes the hardest bit is when it’s not clear and there is still hope.
What are the practicalities? Housing and money? Can he be trusted to look after his child alone?

You need to leave him and stop trying to save him. There's books you can get to help you understand where the mentality of always trying to help and fix bad people comes from. Stop putting yourself through this. If you want you can tell him there may be hope of a relationship in the future when he stops treating you like shit.

I don’t have any family. We don’t speak. I’m literally alone with the kids. The house is mine. He actually still owns his own house that he doesn’t live in so splitting up would be easy and we are not married thank god. He blames everything on me and tells me it’s my fault he is unwell x

I’ll tell you what you do, you choose yourself for once in your life.

Why on earth are you bending over backwards for someone who calls you horrible names? That’s not a partner it’s a bully. He doesn’t give a crap about you and heads up, he’s probably having an affair cause that’s usually when they start treating you like shit if it’s out of the blue.

Here he is treating you like absolute garbage and you’re still going “how do I make his life easier?”. Fuck that shit op!

Find your anger.
Find your self love and resepct.

He is a loser. Any man who treats his partner the way he does you is a loser. Get rid of him and value yourself. Teach your children we don’t stay with miserable bullies.

So tell him to fuck off and he can be free of you. This is horrendous. You have a child to protect, stop being a punchbag for his outbursts.

The weed will tip him over the edge. If he isn’t having a mental breakdown, he soon will be. People underestimate that drug. It isn’t harmless at all.

Look at those abusive messages. Imagine your daughter showed you that screen and asked you what to do. You would say kick him out. No one deserves to be spoken to like that. Now, follow your own advice.
Perhaps he is having mental health problems, perhaps it is cannabis addiction speaking, perhaps both, perhaps he has always had a nasty streak and it is only now surfacing. But no one should be spoken to this way.

Nothing to suggest he’s having a mental breakdown though, he just seems like a common garden variety prick who is never happy with what he has and so, always has to make that his partners fault somehow.

What job does he do? Is there something going on at work? It sounds like he is deliberately trying to push you away.

Surely your life will be easier without him? He has no good points as far as I can tell. He is abusive and he doesn't give a shit about his own child. He is making you anxious and upset.

If your house is in your name and you aren't married, you can change the locks. Can you go back to work earlier than next year? Speak to Citizens Advice to see what financial help you can apply for until you are able to return to work.

Maybe the other woman has dumped him so he’s acting out.

OP you need to get away from this man before he drags you down with him. You own your home, you are a competent mum, you have your life together. You can go back to work and support yourself. You don't need to live with an abusive drug addict who says terrible things to you and ruins your life, and you don't need your son to grow up with that as his roadmap for how his mum, and women generally, should be treated.

Tell him he has to move out of your house. Keep in touch about your child only. You and your children deserve so much better than this.

Whatever is wrong with him, it is never acceptable for him to abuse you.
The fact he might hate his life is in no way your fault, whatever he tells you.

Has he even spoken to a GP about his mental health? There are no quick fixes but he has got to seek help independently.
Taking out everything on you is not a solution.

While he is at work, start seeking advice on your entitlements if you leave him.

What’s your relationship like with dad of older kids? If he’s still involved and decent he might be someone to help you with the practicalities of getting current partner out of the house and police / MH services informed. He certainly should care about making sure his kids and their mum aren’t exposed to this. But obviously if he was also an asshole that’s not going to work. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. First priority has to be protecting yourself and children, then you can look at finding him help, if he will accept it.