AIBU to ask if anyone works in a job where verbal abuse is expected, and how they deal with it?

[CountSlugula]

Just that really. I work in mental health. Not new, I have been in the field 15+ years. It's part and parcel of the job with people who are seriously mentally unwell, I know that, and it isn't necessarily a true reflection of who they are when well. Just having a particularly challenging time at the moment with relentless abuse of really personal nastiness (of me and many others in my team, including racism, homophobia) and have to grit my teeth and get on with it.

I have to be very careful about confidentiality so won't be able to give more details. So just looking for general tips, rather than specific advice on my situation.

I work in the justice system so I get it, I think focusing on the fact they don't know you, they are railing against or being abusive towards the role or the organisation. Also this is a slightly odd one but when I first started working in this field two decades ago an older colleague said to me even if there's no uniform have clothes you only wear for work and as soon as you get home change out of them, that's work you not real you. I do find it helps

Teaching 🤷‍♀️

I work in the same field, do the other staff on shift back up whoever’s being targeted because on our ward we make it very clear that hate speech is not acceptable. Everything gets recorded, reported to the police and there’s the opportunity for debriefing and supervision. I’ve been targeted for other reasons and to be honest I just brush it off, as do most people to be honest. If anyone’s getting it particularly badly our place will move patients or staff around.

It’s been a while since I was in school, but I have teenagers and I would be extremely surprised if the regularity and intensity of language was anywhere near the level of abuse you get working with severe mental illness.

Yes. I got 100 times more verbal abuse in teaching than in criminal justice.

I worked with offenders some of whom had severe mental health issues. Only twice in 8 years of offender management did I experience abuse directed at me, and both clients were distressed. In teaching I'd usually had it most days by lunchtime.

Yes, also mental health.
It wears away at your soul.
My attitude changed a little when I worked with an ex army sergeant colleague who would literally yell "do not speak to me / my colleague like that" and quite often the person would apologise.

You really don’t have a clue! The level of abuse teachers are expected to put up with is horrendous! Schools have changed beyond recognition even during the last 6-7 years. The abuse and more importantly the fact I was just expected to put up with it is one of the main reasons I am no longer teaching.

Your clinical supervision would be a good place to discuss this and reflect on your feelings. It's what clinical supervision is for 😊

It can be tough, I think it's realising that often the comments are a product of the mental health problem or neurological condition. It's our role as mental health practitioners to show unconditional positive regard and be non judgemental. I have seen and heard all sorts of things, but it's my job to treat this. It's often just a symptom. Of course some people are just unpleasant, mental health problem or not, and it's not ok to tolerate racism for example. What is the person's care plan for dealing with the inappropriate behaviours? (Not asking you to write that here, I mean ask yourself this in the moment when it happens).

Make sure you have a good work life balance and leave work at work. Take part in activities that help you switch off. Practice mindfulness for your own benefit.

It’s been a while since I was in school, but I have teenagers and I would be extremely surprised if the regularity and intensity of language was anywhere near the level of abuse you get working with severe mental illness.

People with severe mental illness aren't agitated and abusive all the time. There are mainly( mostly?) moments of calm.

Depending on the secondary school, the abuse from a group of children is relentless.
The young people I've had to work with were excluded for things like calling the teacher a cunt another threw a chair at a teacher ( that was a common one) another peed on the classroom floor because she was refused to leave the classroom ( she had left 3 times during the lesson already and later said she had done it ' to be a twat') The list goes on and on.

I was told, years ago, to always break the journey between work/home even if just to pop into a shop and buy a paper so you didn’t bring “work” directly into your home. I really like the idea above of having work clothes/home clothes too and will embrace that for myself.

Similar experience then, as no, in acute crisis when people are admitted they are not mainly calm, if they were they’d be in the community.

Clearly neither do you, as the abuse is such as most people working in mental health are hardened to it.

@notacooldad
Yep! This all sounds familiar. I didn’t last a term in the last school I was in. I was assaulted (just for reminding a group of girls that the bell had gone and it was time to get to their lesson) The response when I reported this was ‘Are you sure because she said she didn’t do it?) 🙄 I was regularly called a cunt by kids I didn’t know who had run into my classroom during lessons. This would happen around 7-8 times on an average day. It was difficult to report because I didn’t know the the names and was reliant on other kids telling me their names which they were reluctant to do. A student I didn’t know went into my classroom at lunchtime and pissed on the carpet. He was caught because he filmed himself and posted on TikTok. Behaviour was shocking there! Senior leaders did not want to know. Kids refused to work, became verbally abusive and told me to fuck off if challenged. The final straw was when I removed two boys for throwing scissors at a student who had returned to school after being attacked by a group of kids. Nothing was done but I was summoned to the head because the boys had said that they hadn’t learnt anything in my lessons! (Because they refused to work and there were no consequences!) I walked out there and then and did not return and will never set foot in a school again. It really was relentless and I think I am suffering from PTSD.

@HippeePrincess
I’m not claiming to know what it’s like to work in mental health unlike people who clearly think going to school as a kid qualifies them to make a judgement on what teachers are subjected to. It’s not a competition 🙄

It would be nice if the thread could be supportive and not a litany of competitive shitness. I've worked in schools, prisons, shelters, housing and more. Place my life was threatened the most? Call centre.

So why doesn't everyone focus on how to deal, rather than that they have it worst.

My advice? Make sure not to minimise. We are so used to thinking it's normal that we then don't give ourselves permission to breathe and process. Give that to yourself. And the people around you.

A&E nurse here, you need to be direct with them. I tell them straight I will not tolerate verbal abuse, it will be recorded and reported. Security involved if I feel particularly threatened (they will have their body cams for evidence) and escalation for removal followed by recommendations for yellow card (formal warning) or red card (banned unless life or death situation).
I tell the patient straight in my best mom voice that I will not tolerate the behaviour, warn them what the next steps are and move away to prevent physical abuse. I tell them I will accept people venting about the A&E situation but anything more personal is an absolute no. In this case I tell them I’m walking away and then do so. Most people listen and back away. Others end up being removed or asked to leave. I don’t agree that mental health is an excuse for such behaviour, maybe in one or two cases for acute psychosis etc but the majority of mental health patients do not behave in this manner despite being sick. I don’t wish to jinx myself but this works well for me, I get abuse daily in my job but have never been physically attacked unlike some colleagues.
its important to talk to colleagues, clinical supervision, debriefs. What the other poster said too about breaking up the journey home so not taking it home with you. I’ve learnt to sit in my car for 10-15mins before driving home, sometimes have a little scream/cry, let those frustrations out. The minute I pull up on the drive my kids want me so has to be done in the car park. Asking to be assigned to a different patient or area is also helpful, having a colleague be with you during any interaction with that patient for support and witness statements, management would find it hard to ignore if there are witnesses. Try and remember that it’s often not personal.

These days can imagine that would end up in a complaint! “I was so traumatised by the level of his voice! 😭 I’m entitled to scream abuse and threats at staff because blah blah reasons… alas and alack poor me!! I can be aggressive and abusive, but how dare people not accept it!!” Cue Facebook sad face of how the nasty cpn was sooo mean!

@sparklyblueberry2
I witnessed exactly that the last time I was in A&E. I could not believe what I saw staff being subjected to. Threats of assault, verbal abuse. I was in awe of the staff and how they dealt with it.

Purely based on personal experience my worse abuse I experienced at work was a contact centre. Let idiots loose on Emails and they think they can say absolutely anything they want.
This isn't to say it's worse than the MH field it definitely isn't but only so much abuse and speaking down to one can take in a 8 hour shift.

Teaching in my previous school. The verbal abuse some staff endured was awful. I didn’t have as much in my actual classroom, but in the corridors it was awful-many staff wouldn’t go onto the corridors at certain times.

I work in a residential setting with young adults. As staff we get abuse every day. I just have to remind myself they are only words, but it can be really hard sometimes.

When we are subject to physical attacks, we get a debrief and there seems to be some closure. With the relentless verbal abuse there isnt and I think that is what makes it hard. Its expected in my job.

Same. I have unfortunately spent a fair amount of time in A&e for different reasons and the staff often amaze me.

And I have also worked with adults with dementia and at a mental health hospital and my current role is worse for the level of verbal abuse. What helps outweigh it I think is there are times when the YP will do something brilliant or funny and that makes up for it.

I depersonalise it; they are angry with my professional title/organisation. It’s (rarely) personal against me and admittedly it’s the times it is personal that I find hard.