AIBU to be amused that my family want me to help them financially after telling me I’ve ruined my life by marrying for £?

[pragmaticnotsorry]

I’m in my late 20s and have been with my partner for six years, married for two. He’s quite a bit older than me (late 50s) and wealthy. He pays for pretty much everything, I don’t work, and I have a very comfortable life.

I didn’t go into it thinking I’d found the love of my life. We met through work, got on, and there is genuine affection between us, but I’m not going to pretend the financial side isn’t a major reason I’m still here.

Before him I was fresh out of uni, working ridiculous hours, commuting, renting a grim flat and spending most of my salary on simply existing. Now I live in a lovely house, don’t work, have a cleaner and nanny/housekeeper, travel several times a year and generally live very differently. I know I’m incredibly lucky.

My mum and older sister hated the relationship when they found out. My mum told me I was wasting my twenties, becoming financially dependent on a man, that I was a hooker and that I’d regret not having a “proper career”.

My sister is in her mid-30s and works as a senior associate at a big City law firm. She’s married to another lawyer she met there and they have a child. They both work very long hours. They’re doing well, but between the mortgage, nursery, holidays etc., they have nowhere near the disposable income I do.

Over the last year, things have changed. My mum has started asking me for financial help with things like a family holiday, a renovation and an unexpected bill. My sister has also started asking if my nanny can look after my nephew when their childcare falls through.

I don’t mind helping. I love my nephew and I’m happy to help my mum when I can. But I do find it funny that five years ago I was apparently making a terrible life decision, and now I’m the person everyone comes to when they need something.

I’m genuinely proud of my sister and know she works incredibly hard. I suppose what annoys me is the assumption that I need rescuing from my own choices, while everyone is quite happy to benefit from those same choices.

AIBU to find the whole thing a little ironic?

Nobody likes a pedant.

It's a theme. When posters on here feel the woman is hard done to, it's all very "everything is joint, all his money is yours". Or heaven forbid a woman isn't married "well he can just leave you with nothing, you should've insisted on marriage," yet when the woman is morally questionable, the consensus is it's not her money, she hasn't earned it and should have no say in spending it.

Quite simple really.

OP hasn't come back

Didn’t know I’d stumbled onto Wattpad! 🤣

Actually it’s women like OP who keep women down.

The OP isn’t asking for our views on her choices.

Whatever I may think of marrying a much older man for money, I can see why you have mixed feelings about your once critical family now expecting to reap the benefits of their wealthy in-law, OP.

Yes, it is ironic, and frankly i can't believe their cheek. I wouldn't make your choice (bc i don't believe in marriage), but i certainly wouldn't pour scorn on you for taking an advantageous choice for yourself, THEN try to take some of that same advantage from you. They have been shown up.. gone straight from moral high-ground to eating scraps from your plate. Tsk tsk.

Remember your friends on your way up as you'll sure as hell need them on your way back down!!
When the SD dies,leaves everything to his older grown up kids, there's a good chance you'll get nothing!

They're married so it's their money (not just his anymore)

? That's v presumptuous. Why would he not leave anything to his youngest child(ren)??

In what way exactly?

He is your partner, not your husband?

There is a massive difference.

If you aren't married, it could all be taken from you tomorrow

Did you sign a prenup?
Do you have a pension
Are you given an allowance or do you have open access?
Basically are you secure for the future if bi I can see their concerns

Could it be they were worried about you but feel reassured now you have been together a while?

What do you do all day?
You don’t clean or look after your own child!
You must be bored out your skull!!!

Your mum and sister tried to talk you out of marrying someone old enough to be your dad, whom you didn't love, when you were fresh out of uni. They thought you would be absolutely missing out on finding the love of your life and also building a career for yourself. Five years on, you have clearlly embraced your lifestyle as a "kept woman". It's not ironic, no, that your sister will turn to you for childcare when hers falls through and she and her husbad are working long hours while you don't work.

Enjoy caring for a old man in your 40s op.

We have different definitions of lucky! I don’t have your wealth and have zero envy of your life or decisions. Slightly repulsive TBH.

Did I miss the part where the OP had children, because suddenly there's a nanny involved 😁 and the OP has disappeared.
How very predictable.
I think I prefer the tr0!!s.

I'm just trying to understand what your point is.
Sometimes a group of people say some things, and other times a different group of people say different things?

Why is that remarkable?

Because some people think that everyone on this site is a monolith and we all share the same brain cells.

I agree. It sounds like your whole family are grifters and taking advantage of him.

So since you were 21 and the best your body will ever be, you've been smashing a man in his 50s because he pays your way? What kind of value system is that.

they have nowhere near the disposable income I do.

But it's his money not yours. If you get divorced, it's a short marriage marriage only two years you might be surprised at what you're entitled to a clean break and for you to go and get a bloody job is what will be expected. Your sister and her husband have done it the right way.

No contradiction here, they still think you are mad for sleeping with an elderly person when you are in your 20s, only now they want to use you for money as they see you using him for money - sort of 'use the user'?

Mumsnet is funny, marriages have family money, until it's an age gap marriage with a much younger woman, then it's his money.

OP, they were right to be worried as most such relationships are the man using a naive younger woman.
Turns out you're both happy in the relationship and he's actually married you, so they've had to accept it.

They're not wrong for having raised concerns because they were worried about you.

I think you sound very lucky and blessed and like you have made wise decisions.

Can I have £10 for being so supportive please? 🙏🏻

Incredibly lucky isn’t the phrase I’d use.

Don’t help them if you don’t want to. But it’s hardly surprising they approach you transactionally in your transactional relationship.