AIBU to be amused that my family want me to help them financially after telling me I’ve ruined my life by marrying for £?

[pragmaticnotsorry]

I’m in my late 20s and have been with my partner for six years, married for two. He’s quite a bit older than me (late 50s) and wealthy. He pays for pretty much everything, I don’t work, and I have a very comfortable life.

I didn’t go into it thinking I’d found the love of my life. We met through work, got on, and there is genuine affection between us, but I’m not going to pretend the financial side isn’t a major reason I’m still here.

Before him I was fresh out of uni, working ridiculous hours, commuting, renting a grim flat and spending most of my salary on simply existing. Now I live in a lovely house, don’t work, have a cleaner and nanny/housekeeper, travel several times a year and generally live very differently. I know I’m incredibly lucky.

My mum and older sister hated the relationship when they found out. My mum told me I was wasting my twenties, becoming financially dependent on a man, that I was a hooker and that I’d regret not having a “proper career”.

My sister is in her mid-30s and works as a senior associate at a big City law firm. She’s married to another lawyer she met there and they have a child. They both work very long hours. They’re doing well, but between the mortgage, nursery, holidays etc., they have nowhere near the disposable income I do.

Over the last year, things have changed. My mum has started asking me for financial help with things like a family holiday, a renovation and an unexpected bill. My sister has also started asking if my nanny can look after my nephew when their childcare falls through.

I don’t mind helping. I love my nephew and I’m happy to help my mum when I can. But I do find it funny that five years ago I was apparently making a terrible life decision, and now I’m the person everyone comes to when they need something.

I’m genuinely proud of my sister and know she works incredibly hard. I suppose what annoys me is the assumption that I need rescuing from my own choices, while everyone is quite happy to benefit from those same choices.

AIBU to find the whole thing a little ironic?

Did you post this but you were not married and he gave you an allowance, the sugar daddy ghread, your words are the same in places.

I agree, I started reading and thought I’ve read this before! Except for the family asking for help.

Hmm yours isn't a life I would want, OP. When you're his age, he'll be in his late 80s. Would he want to live with someone who was almost 90? No, I didn't think so.

Your mum’s got some cheek and I would tell her so.
Childcare for your nephew if arrangements fall through is a different proposition.

But it’s not your money to give.

They're not asking for YOUR money, they're asking for his. Because you don't do anything to earn money - you seem to spend your time lauding it over others.

I wouldn't have had children with someone so old personally.

I find it quite incredible that your family would stoop to asking this man for his money, even if they had welcomed him with open arms, which they clearly didn’t!
Yanbu and I really think your mother is beyond the pale in asking for a holiday. If I was your husband I’d tell her to do one.

I don’t mind helping. I love my nephew and I’m happy to help my mum when I can.

But you can't help because it's not your money.

If your SD wants to help them that's up to him.

However, I agree with everything they said and I don't think they should be asking for anything.

Incredibly cheeky for them to be asking for money at all! I would say no to that - can understand helping out with childcare in an emergency situation.

.

Shame your sister couldn’t pass on some self respect to you.

It sounds a bit dodgy.

Looks like you've won.

Is your husband not a bit pissed off that you're using his hard earned cash to bankroll stuff for your mum and sister?

Also, how would he feel reading this from your OP: "I’m not going to pretend the financial side isn’t a major reason I’m still here."

My dad married a 20something when he was 50something. Smashed our family to pieces.

Sounds like the basis of a movie.

Both can be true at once. You can have made a questionable life decision and they can still appreciate financial favours from you. They don’t have to agree that you made a good choice, but it sounds as though they have accepted it – and may as well enjoy the perks.

As long as you are happy with your choices, then it’s fine to feel content with that, but it would be extremely rare to find a family ‘happy’ that their 20-something daughter/sister was in a relationship with someone in their 50s. If it were my daughter I would be devastated, and nothing anyone could say would make me feel differently.

😂😂😂😂😂

YANBU. Sadly in families where one person has significant wealth and the others don't, its always the same. Like where there's a will there's a relative. Money - the root of all evil ; )

Schadenfreude, große Freude

Has anyone else got that scene from SATC in their head with Samantha and the millionaire old dude with the saggy arse?

It’s not YOUR money to give though OP. It’s your wealthy husband’s!

P.s why do you have a nanny, when you don’t work? ( genuine question).

Also remember reading a close to identical thread.

And, other than the fact you have a nanny, you don’t mention whether or not you have children or how many. That is unusual!

Aside from that, where is the money coming from to help your family? From your allowance, or is your husband happy to give you extra?