AIBU to be amused that my family want me to help them financially after telling me I’ve ruined my life by marrying for £?

[pragmaticnotsorry]

I’m in my late 20s and have been with my partner for six years, married for two. He’s quite a bit older than me (late 50s) and wealthy. He pays for pretty much everything, I don’t work, and I have a very comfortable life.

I didn’t go into it thinking I’d found the love of my life. We met through work, got on, and there is genuine affection between us, but I’m not going to pretend the financial side isn’t a major reason I’m still here.

Before him I was fresh out of uni, working ridiculous hours, commuting, renting a grim flat and spending most of my salary on simply existing. Now I live in a lovely house, don’t work, have a cleaner and nanny/housekeeper, travel several times a year and generally live very differently. I know I’m incredibly lucky.

My mum and older sister hated the relationship when they found out. My mum told me I was wasting my twenties, becoming financially dependent on a man, that I was a hooker and that I’d regret not having a “proper career”.

My sister is in her mid-30s and works as a senior associate at a big City law firm. She’s married to another lawyer she met there and they have a child. They both work very long hours. They’re doing well, but between the mortgage, nursery, holidays etc., they have nowhere near the disposable income I do.

Over the last year, things have changed. My mum has started asking me for financial help with things like a family holiday, a renovation and an unexpected bill. My sister has also started asking if my nanny can look after my nephew when their childcare falls through.

I don’t mind helping. I love my nephew and I’m happy to help my mum when I can. But I do find it funny that five years ago I was apparently making a terrible life decision, and now I’m the person everyone comes to when they need something.

I’m genuinely proud of my sister and know she works incredibly hard. I suppose what annoys me is the assumption that I need rescuing from my own choices, while everyone is quite happy to benefit from those same choices.

AIBU to find the whole thing a little ironic?

It's their money now they're married.

Lol

Well they probably just realise you’re well into the relationship now so no point trying to give you advice about it

I think they’re bloody cheeky. I wouldn’t want your life, but if I had a friend or sibling who married for money I wouldn’t say anything. I sure as hell wouldn’t ask for a handout either.
Have you reminded them of what they said to you?

Did you get married since your last thread?

You're not that lucky. You've chosen to be a pet, essentially. Your family are just making the best of it. Maybe they'll put the money you give them aside, to give back to you if you get rehomed?

Whilst I sort of see your point, their concerns will have come out of love and worrying about you. So I wouldn't spite them for it (not that you sound like you are)

Your sister doesn’t have the disposable income you have ? What income do you have ?

What happens if he decides to switch you out for an even younger woman and your allowance stops overnight? Would you regret giving your family the money which could have been used to invest in something or a financial buffer if you have to start from scratch?

Since he pays for everything, he presumably has all the property and assets under his name. Do you actually own anything yourself?

What do you mean your sister doesn’t have the disposable income that you do no you don’t your husband does.

This 💯

I've never met a nanny who would be happy to be sent off to another family like this. Very odd.

@pragmaticnotsorry if you marry for money, then yes, you’re a glorified hooker.

They were right to point this out, and steer you away from this seedy greedy life choice.

You chose to ignore them and offer sex in return for money, and as there’s plenty of money, they may aswell use your H too, whilst this fake marriage lasts. You could help them, but also point out that they’re not a lot better than you are. But, note, they are a little better as they probably wouldn’t lower themselves to actually sleep with someone for money.

Well if you're happy fair enough, I'm assuming you're just boasting though. As someone up thread said they probably think they may as well ask as they can't change it!
I don't envy you though, you have all the material possessions you want ok, but that's it. I would be very very bored if I was you. Do you just float about doing nothing all day, whilst your nanny watches your child(or children)?

Sounds like you contribute nothing if you don't work but have a nanny, cleaner and housekeeper. Don't you feel even slightly guilty at giving your family money that you've done bugger all to earn? Let's hope SD doesn't tire of you spending all his money and trade you in for a younger model.

Does he have any grown up kids from a previous relationship? Can you be sure he's provided for you in his will, should he die first? Be an awful disappointment if he's left everything to his kids/other family members.

an allowance?

I can see her Mum was worried.

Sounds very familiar, and OP hasn't been back to reply to any comments. Yawn.

I think you have accepted with grace the cristism of your family 5 years ago.

I think most families would have had the same concerns for their 20 something daughter doing what you did. Everyone would like their child to be happy.

Do you have cast iron plan if your marriage does not work out and have to work? Are you putting investments and pension in your own name?

At The moment you have the upper hand , personally I don’t think it’s nice what you have done , does he know your just about the £££ , no doubt your leave him in about 10-15 years and will take him for everything as now you have a child, .. you family are only doing what you have done

It’s always being banged on about on here that when you’re married all money is family money. Why is this any different? PP’s saying ‘but it’s not your money’. Which is it??

I find it odd you think you’re incredibly lucky. I actually think you’re incredibly unlucky, that you haven’t settled down with someone who is your soul mate, who you love with all your heart.

Not the point, but she's very wrong calling you a hooker. Sex workers are generally financially savvy and independent women who would never rely on one single man for their income.

Just make sure you’re taken care of in a divorce or untimely death.

Chinny reckon

Tell your family they can’t access your sugar daddy’s money because it’s his and not yours. I hope the comfortable life you’re leading is worth giving up your youth for.