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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious and tell aunt that DH nearly lost her son

126 replies

gollyimholly · 15/08/2026 22:26

Had a family outing today to a stately home. Lots of aunts, uncles and cousins. DH took DD (3 years old) and cousin (10 years old) to the children's playing area. There was a big maze which cousin asked if he could do alone because he watches a TV show called Maze runner (I have never heard of it/don't know what it's about). DH said yes. Cousin doesn't even have a mobile phone. DH said cousin then got lost so he and DD had to go find him.

AIBU to find that he allowed him off on his own in a maze so scary? I feel like I should also tell my aunt.. I feel like it's the sort of thing I would want to know if it was my child. And then it would give me the opportunity to explain to my child why they shouldn't do things like that even if the dumb adult that is supervising them is allowing them to do so. AIBU?

OP posts:
ScarletLisa · 16/08/2026 03:51

@gollyimholly I totally get why you felt the way you did & reading between the lines I'm thinking that possibly the hedge/conifers triggered you & the fact your cousin is 10.

Although you did overreact it's not surprising, so I do get it 💐
Although your DH sounds a bit dolly daydream at times I think he read the maze situation correctly and was ok to let your little cousin do it solo.

Maybe it might help to have some EDMR therapy,
Also remember it wasn't your fault, unfortunately you were in the wrong place at the wrong time & a sick pervert took advantage
UnMumsnetty hugs to you x

PollyBell · 16/08/2026 04:47

Why does anxiety seem to rule the world lately and why is there an increase in mental health issues in children, connection?

78Summer · 16/08/2026 05:04

Isn’t the point of a maze to get lost.

JustMeSimply · 16/08/2026 05:11

Awww we went to maze last weekend me dh and our youngest ones 3-8 and they had a brilliant time running madly about trying to find there dad or the other way around. Never felt the need to micro manage them even young. The olders survived nicely lol

courageiscontagious · 16/08/2026 05:48

Can’t believe the responses. WTF is a maze for if not for children to go off and “get lost” in? That’s the whole point. Child is 10 not 2.

Velumental · 16/08/2026 06:08

gollyimholly · 15/08/2026 22:30

But what if cousin found his way out and that is the same time DH went in to look for him... It is contained in itself but DH had no sight of him.

How big is the maze? I've let my 8 yr old go in mazes before, we can hear each other if we shout if I need to check on him. He's 10 not 3.

Cheese55 · 16/08/2026 06:26

OnlyTomSaidThat · 15/08/2026 22:57

Getting lost in a maze is the fun. As kids if we did it too quickly my dp would send us back to play hide and seek and get the money's worth/a bit of p&q.

It was a maze not down town Croydon.

Hey, nothing wrong with Croydon 😀

oberuber · 16/08/2026 06:48

Everyone gets lost in a maze. That’s the point. YABU

BendingSpoons · 16/08/2026 07:33

He's 10 and in a public environment. My 10yo walks home from school alone with no phone. Do you only have a 3yo? At this age you are used to watching them the whole time. It's different with a 10yo.

speakout · 16/08/2026 08:12

A huge overreaction. The child is 10. We are talking about a maze at a stately home. not being lost in the Australian bush.

custardbonbon · 16/08/2026 08:25

What a massive over reaction on your part.
A maze is contained. You want to ‘tell your aunt’ - grow up. I expect if you do she’ll shrug and see no issue.

Sartre · 16/08/2026 08:25

Littletreefrog · 15/08/2026 22:31

I don't think predators generally hang around mazes full of families waiting for a lone child to cross their path. The 10year old is unfortunately far more at risk from family members and other known adults than potential weirdos in mazes.

This made me laugh. Picturing the creep who pays to get into a local stately home every day purely to stand in a maze awaiting a lone child. People are so anxious nowadays I genuinely worry how they get through day to day life. He’s 10, not 4, your DH didn’t do anything wrong.

hugasaurus · 16/08/2026 08:26

Well he wasn’t really ‘lost’ was he? You all knew exactly where he was: inside the maze. That’s what’s meant to happen. It this happened to my child and someone told me I’d be like ‘so what? It’s a maze!’

AuraBora · 16/08/2026 08:28

Oh ny goodness what an overreaction on your part. It's not as if he just let him roam free round a city centre!

This post is a pretty good example of how we have ended up with so many molly-cuddled youngsters unable to do anything for themselves!

BeardOToots · 16/08/2026 08:34

RVectensian · 15/08/2026 22:40

I wouldn’t have had an issue with a 10 year old going in a maze, how odd! My 8 year old and his friend often do one together at our local place.

You also seem very keen to think poorly of your husband, and run off to the child’s mother in an attempt to get him in trouble…which strikes me as very odd!

Agree with this. The rush to tell on him to get him into trouble with the mother is weird!

DreadedInn · 16/08/2026 08:40

I do think if later posters read all of the OPs updates they might understand why this situation was more upsetting for her than it may have been.
Her anxiety was disproportionate but she has accepted that and given a reason why.
At least read OPs comments

NotSmallButFunSize · 16/08/2026 08:46

RedToothBrush · 16/08/2026 02:02

At ten you are being ridiculous. He's not three.

A couple of points about your ridiculous logic.

At 11 most children will be walking to high school by themselves. You need to get them into the habit of doing things by themselves as preparation for this.

DS is going to high school in a few weeks. Some of his peers are still ten. It's insane to still be insisting that a ten year old boy is never out the sight of an adult. I'm assuming this kid is actually year 5 about to go into yr6 though, but even then it's over protective really. Half of yr6 is about preparation for high school not actual academic school work. It's totally age appropriate to be letting him off on his own within an enclosed area.

A maze is a contained space. It's going to be full of other families. It's not going to be a case of no one around and being completely alone. The kid was happy to do it on his own. A maze is also really not that big. And people have voices.

How would a phone have stopped a sexual assault? This is the thing I ponder with insane over anxious parenting. They think that phones will somehow keep their child safe. And don't think about how it might get them mugged or be fucking useless if something were to happen. The phone is really a blankie for the parent. It allows them to project their anxieties onto children. Kids really need to learn skills of how to cope in a crisis if they are separated from their phone / their phone battery is dead. Because that's actually the most likely scenario. A maze in a park is actually a really good place to practice these skills of coping alone and having a strategy to cope.

We have a wave of kids with anxiety disorders and we blame a whole pile of things for it. Except mad parents who don't teach independence and plan to gradually let go at age appropriate times because they want to infantilise their child and don't want them to grow up.

Kids have to cope. You can't protect them from everything. They need to learn to deal with everything from imaginary monsters under the bed to how to cope if something does unfortunately happen to them. Otherwise we just lock them up inside and they never learn to live a normal life anyway. It's your job as a parent to guide them through this process, not to make them incapable due to your anxieties.

Kindly, you need to look at how your own experience is still affecting you before it impacts on your own child. Get some counselling. This isn't about your DH being naive.

Totally agree with this post - I often end up feeling "maybe I am really slack?" compared to lots I know when it comes to what my kids are allowed to do at different ages, because just so many people are so far the other way of being overprotective.

I am on child 3 and lots of my friends on their first becoming teenagers and having to work this out but even so, the difference is often really stark! My 10 year old is more independent than some of their 13 year olds, even just down to things they can physically do for themselves - one friend's son can barely even make himself a drink!

That's not me saying "oh I am a better parent" - I know some of the reasons some are overprotective, such a parent anxiety or their own parents being a certain way but I do agree that unfortunately it's not doing the kids any favours in the long run

hcee19 · 16/08/2026 10:07

Do not cause trouble with family members. Not worth the hassle. At 10 years old, surely the child could eventually find his way out. At the end of the day, he was found. Don't make a crisis out of a drama.

LBOCS2 · 16/08/2026 10:15

OnlyTomSaidThat · 15/08/2026 22:57

Getting lost in a maze is the fun. As kids if we did it too quickly my dp would send us back to play hide and seek and get the money's worth/a bit of p&q.

It was a maze not down town Croydon.

And some of us send our children to school in Croydon unattended 😮

For what it’s worth, we went on a walk on NYD this year with some friends of ours to a park which has a maze in it. We sent two 9yos and a 7yo in together with the instruction to get near the edge and shout if they got very lost, and then stood by the entrance chatting and drinking our hot drinks. It didn’t even occur to us to be concerned about it (although after half an hour we did send one of the dads in to retrieve them as they hadn’t reappeared 😂). It was fine. It’s part of the cutting of apron strings, they’ll tell you if they’re uncomfortable with the situation.

NerrSnerr · 16/08/2026 10:30

gollyimholly · 15/08/2026 22:30

But what if cousin found his way out and that is the same time DH went in to look for him... It is contained in itself but DH had no sight of him.

10 is old enough to know to wait by the entrance or where he is.

UniquePinkSwan · 16/08/2026 10:35

gollyimholly · 15/08/2026 23:04

Ok everyone, thank you for your replies. I have been well and truly told I'm overreacting and so I will try and feel less stressed about it. But I really can't shake the anxious feeling.

Edited

You need to get help with your anxiety. There was nothing wrong with what he did

Echobelly · 16/08/2026 10:38

A ten year old? Yes, totally fine for him to be in a maze. I'm not aware that mazes at stately homes are prime territory for child abductors or something. DH did not 'nearly lose her son'. He let him wander in what I'd call a very safe, enclosed place where half of the idea if that you can get lost in a safe way and so they did have to go find him in this instance. If being lost really scared the kid than maybe you should explain he had a bit of a scare but it turned out fine. But if it wasn't a big deal there's nothing to talk about.

whistlesandbells · 16/08/2026 10:59

If I understand correctly, you want to tell your husband’s sister he “lost her child”. It’s very unwise to stoke problems with your partner’s family. No good comes of it.

tripleginandtonic · 16/08/2026 11:40

timtamsarebetterthanpenguins · 15/08/2026 22:27

A 10yo should be more than capable of doing a maze unattended.

This. He was hardly lost.

Strongopiniononaboutprettymucheverything · 16/08/2026 12:35

gollyimholly · 15/08/2026 22:26

Had a family outing today to a stately home. Lots of aunts, uncles and cousins. DH took DD (3 years old) and cousin (10 years old) to the children's playing area. There was a big maze which cousin asked if he could do alone because he watches a TV show called Maze runner (I have never heard of it/don't know what it's about). DH said yes. Cousin doesn't even have a mobile phone. DH said cousin then got lost so he and DD had to go find him.

AIBU to find that he allowed him off on his own in a maze so scary? I feel like I should also tell my aunt.. I feel like it's the sort of thing I would want to know if it was my child. And then it would give me the opportunity to explain to my child why they shouldn't do things like that even if the dumb adult that is supervising them is allowing them to do so. AIBU?

No harm was done. Stop worrying unnecessarily.