To be furious and tell aunt that DH nearly lost her son

[gollyimholly]

Had a family outing today to a stately home. Lots of aunts, uncles and cousins. DH took DD (3 years old) and cousin (10 years old) to the children's playing area. There was a big maze which cousin asked if he could do alone because he watches a TV show called Maze runner (I have never heard of it/don't know what it's about). DH said yes. Cousin doesn't even have a mobile phone. DH said cousin then got lost so he and DD had to go find him.

AIBU to find that he allowed him off on his own in a maze so scary? I feel like I should also tell my aunt.. I feel like it's the sort of thing I would want to know if it was my child. And then it would give me the opportunity to explain to my child why they shouldn't do things like that even if the dumb adult that is supervising them is allowing them to do so. AIBU?

Umm, the whole point of the maze is to get lost. If the 10yo was worried they could call out and DH would be able to help. If he wasn't worried, I see no issue at all. It's not like the maze in the Goblet of Fire, surely? And at 10 years old could quite easily be walking to and from school or to the park unaccompanied - are you not going to let your own child do that at 10 either?

Typo, sorry. *Wouldn't

I wouldn’t have had an issue with a 10 year old going in a maze, how odd! My 8 year old and his friend often do one together at our local place.

You also seem very keen to think poorly of your husband, and run off to the child’s mother in an attempt to get him in trouble…which strikes me as very odd!

Statistically he’s more likely to be abused by your DH so it was irresponsible of your aunt to leave the 10 year old with him.

In the real world, 10 year old in a maze isn’t really an issue. And honestly you need to deal with your anxiety a bit. Or you are going to end up with a child who is overly fearful and ironically actually more at risk.

Really? He's 10, lots of kids are walking to school and back without adults at 10.
It was a maze, its designed for you to get lost in, that's the whole point. Unless he couldn't be trusted not to wander off once he escaped it you are totally over reacting

Pretty standard at this age, or even a bit younger. DDs used to enjoy getting lost. Then we'd get lost finding them. Or we'd all be lost together for a bit. For five minutes anyway until we or they found the right path.

Unless it's the maze in the Tri Wizards Cup I think he'll be fine.

Statistically he’s more likely to be abused by your DH so it was irresponsible of your aunt to leave the 10 year old with him.

This is so true

But your DH didn't nearly lose the 10 yo. Your nephew was playing in a maze whilst your DH was near by.

Children are most likely to be abused by friends or family members, not random people enjoying a family day out with their own families.

I know that he isn't allowed to go to school by himself and that his mum does pick ups and drop offs.

Only mentioning as that is what her comfort zone is rather than disputing 10 year olds don't walk to school alone. For me, the difference is that a school route is a familiar, well known journey to a 10 year old but this was somewhere unfamiliar and new and far from home.

He wasn't lost. Your cousin new exactly where he was - in a maze, and you DH new exactly where your cousin was - in a maze.
The venue won't be closing the maze at night with people (especially a child) still in it.
Chill

Him naive? Or you over anxious?

My son’s 10 and I wouldn’t have an issue with this. He bikes to school alone, meets friends in the park alone and is sensible. I do however think given your history it is understandable and before I read that I did wonder if it was the fact it’s a child that isn’t your own that you were responsible for that made you worry. I don’t think I could have imagined letting my son have this level of independence when he was 3 but you can’t keep them close forever and I wish I could at times!

Genuine question. I didn't know that statistic about an overly fearful person being more at risk. Can you explain why/how please?

Actually, I wouldn't put your faith in a 10 yo having a mobile phone either. That is a far greater risk to a child's safety & well-being.

Maybe a bit of both.
DH is naive. There's a bunch of stuff people have previously said I'm trolling because of how naive DH is.

It’s a maze. The point is you get lost and know eventually you will find your way out. I’m assuming the kids perfectly fine. Why tattle tale to your aunt just to relieve your excessive anxiety.

Such as?

This. The lone male family member is the bigger statistical risk.

A kids maze is built for kids. 10 year olds aren’t babies. Hopefully when you have one you will be a bit more relaxed about letting them develop

I really couldn't get worked up by this - presumably this was a stately home with lots of other families and kids around, and no doubt some members of staff too.

If kids can't occasionally go off leash at the age of 10 in a safe family-friendly environment, how are they ever going to cope when they grow up?

I don't think your DH is naive. He sounds like a perfectly reasonable adult who can make a perfectly reasonable risk based judgement at a family friendly location.

If your child or your nephew is constantly cosseted, how do you expect them to develop life skills & judgement? Yes, a 3 yo needs constant supervision, but in 12 months time your nephew will probably be having to navigate much bigger boys & girls at secondary school. There won't be an adult taking him to the toilet or helping him with PE kit then. 10 is a perfect age to start building life skills within a safe environment.

Mazes existed hundreds of years before mobile phones. It's clearly for amusement purposes not that someone could genuinely be in danger if they get 'lost'.
They should've just waited at the end for him. He's hardly going to just be there forever. There must be staff, other people, emergency escape route etc? He's 10 not two.

He's 10 and it's only a maze.

10 is too young to have a mobile phone.

I think you're overreacting, OP. I've let my 8yo do a maze alone before. I also have to let him go into the men's changing room alone to get changed for swimming lessons, which I find far more worrying but there isn't another option.

Getting lost in a maze is the fun. As kids if we did it too quickly my dp would send us back to play hide and seek and get the money's worth/a bit of p&q.

It was a maze not down town Croydon.