AIBU for declining my brother-in-law's BBQ after years of rudeness?

[AmandaEatsLemons]

AIBU for telling my brother-in-law I don't want to attend his BBQ?

My brother-in-law has recently messaged the family WhatsApp with an announcement that he will be holding a BBQ next week, and he asked who would be coming. I responded with a clear "no."

He has been so incredibly rude to me and my children over the past few years. He told my eldest daughter - Tamara - that her boyfriend was "ugly," making her cry. He told my mum that her ex-husband was right to cheat on her! There's much more that I don't have time to say.

Anyway, some people on my husband's side of the family are claiming I should have put this aside and accepted the invitation anyway. Your thoughts?

OP could be in Scotland? We didn’t have alert.

You’ve responded and don’t need to add anything further.

Exactly this. Why do people here have to overreact when it comes to everything to do with the weather. Obviously disposable BBQs are a bad idea in these conditions (tbh probably a bad idea regardless of the weather) but garden BBQs are perfectly fine. I’ll be having one today!

Why would you engage in further conversation? He’s invited, you’ve declined (politely one hopes). The end.

Poor judgement to post your dd’s real name - if that’s what you’ve done - though. Reads as trying to make your post identifiable.

No alert here in Scotland. We’re planning a bbq next week, although it’s predicted to rain all week with highs of 17.

It's not her actual name; I use codenames.

Nope I wouldn’t be going! Life’s too short to put up with twats!!

Say no with a clear conscience, OP.

We also had family members like this. There’s a type of person who exploits the fact that you’re on their territory - they’re hosting you - to basically have a go and settle scores, as they see it.

We had pressure from grandparents to see them occasionally but they were always reluctant to come to us - they’re hosting you knew it would be harder to get away with their jibes, sneers and insults.

We long ago waved them goodbye.

That should have said “when they’re NOT hosting “.

Because it was one of the top news stories on all news channels yesterday and because If they go to buy one, they won’t be able to. That’s how they’ll know.

And for those of us who do not read/watch the news? I only know about this because of the MN threads on it! But it baffles me that some people just assume that EVERYONE will know, if I hadn't been online last night, I'd be oblivious.

I’m not sure you you expect anyone to know anything in that case 🤷‍♀️

MN is split today between people saying the government has gone over the top letting people know via an alert, and those saying but how am I supposed to know? Talk about not being able to win.

I mean don’t say you don’t know what’s going on if you determinedly swerve all news sources You can’t have it both ways.

I would have just ignored the message.

The brother-in-law asked who was coming, not who isn't coming.

As you don't intend to go, I wouldn't of said anything.

He only asked who's coming so he can get an idea of number of how much food to buy. It sounded like he couldn't have cared less whether you were there or not.

Life is too short to have someone like that in your life

Life's way too short to spend it around people you don't like.

You shouldn't be having BBQs at the mo anyway!!!

I wouldn't go. There is a ban on BBQs!!

😅🤣 poster not familiar with MN quick witty responses.

Why shouldn't he be having a BBQ? If he's got a fully paved patio area (or even, a fully paved garden), then there's absolutely no reason to veto a BBQ. If he's having one in the middle of a arid patch of brown lawn, then that's a different matter entirely. But you don't know the circumstances so to state "He shouldn't be having a BBQ!" is incorrect and downright bossy.

What if your back garden is complete paved, or you have a large, paved patio area, well away from dried out lawns and 'brownery'? Why would having a BBQ in those conditions be a "dickhead" move? Too many little Hitler's around these days that think they know everything. If I decided I wanted a BBQ tomorrow, I would have one. My garden is paved, and the BBQ is brick built and well away from anything that might be flammable. There is zero chance of a BBQ in my garden causing a fire. Some people do have common sense, you know. My local Fire Brigade have even said that home BBQs that are purpose made or built, are a very low fire risk, even at the moment, and that they are not banned. It's disposable BBQ's, used incorrectly, and often in remote or grassy areas, that are the risk.

Also, some people have gas BBQs

Have you ever seen how far a spark can float on a breeze?

I have a friend who set fire to the outside of his own house with log fire in a grate in the lounge.

I set fire to my own piece of field more than 50 metres away from where I was trying to light a bonfire.

@Passwordsaremynemesis also Aussie but lived in NL. I have lived in UK & Europe. Over there, disposable bbqs are those ratshit, flimsy aluminum trays full of burning charcoals with a disposable rack over the top. They are flimsy and dangerous in times of fire restriction. I have never, ever seen them here in Aus.

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Can’t stop laughing!
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Too funny 😂