Have you ever known the woman to leave the family home and leave the kids behind? (title edited by MNHQ at request of the OP)

[Iliketocallthemsmilelines]

Or did you leave yourself?

It seems to be very rare, but it surely must happen

My MIL.

40-odd years ago now.

5 kids aged 13-6.

they were living in an isolated place

Somebody I worked with for a while left her children for a few years to go traveling and live abroad for a while. She was of the view that you only live once. I believe children were primary age.

Yes. My friend left her partner and 2 young daughters about 30 years ago now. They and myself never heard from her since. I do miss her and keep checking Facebook etc but don't know whether she remarried 😞

Mine too. She left my brother behind as he was much older, 17 I think? She had been planning to leave for years.

My mum moved out leaving me and my sister with our dad

My mum did although we were older - 15,17 & 19. When she told my dad she wanted a divorce, My dad wouldn't leave the house and gambled that she wouldn't leave us. He was wrong

it was crap tbh. Neither of them behaved well - it wasn't until my sister broke down at school that they pulled themselves together and started to behave more like adults

I have forgiven her and do understand her reasons and we have a great relationship in many ways but I can't deny that it didn't have a huge impact on all 3 of us at the time

And some do it as they are selfish. I really dislike any attempts to make women who do this victims, some are. Many are not.

DMIL did after an affair, although it took several years for him to leave his wife and she ended up in limbo for that time. Eventually the kids joined her.

I knew a woman who was a serial monogamist, she would meet a guy, move in and have a child with him and then after a few years do a midnight flit to the next guy she'd met, leaving the kids (including those she had from previous relationships) with the guy. She'd re-appear after a few months and ask the kids to join her. She did this about four or five times. One of her DS was a friend of my DS for a while and I felt terribly sorry for him.

I knew someone who did a flit and left the children. They were very well off. I learned later that although a reasonable father he was a psychological monster where his wife was concerned. He did business with some very shady people in a city which was scary enough for her to go off the radar completely. She was actually terrified, but knew the kids would be safe in his keeping. It hit the kids hard as young ones but when they grew up and didn't want to be controlled the penny dropped for them too.

I judge them! I judge men who do it too.

So it was the same for the kids then she just abandoned them to save herself

A good friend of mine did.
Her ex refused to sell the house they were living in. Refuse tgis, refuse that.
She was on knees by that point, had 3 dcs on the spectrum, one in special school. She didn’t want to disturb them too much. So she left the house and them and moved in a much smaller house nearby with dcs dropping as and when.
They were all teenagers/young adults then. Within 3 years, 2 of them had left home. And the oldest, still in special college etc…, was still at home

Yep - my nan did it to my dad and his siblings. He was a young teenager at the time. Not sure of the reasons. She has been in my life, but none of us grandkids have ever been particularly close to her.

As I have grown older, I can see more obviously how it impacted him. I can see he cares for his mum, who is now in poor health, but he certainly doesn’t like or respect her, and neither do I, for that matter. However, the love and respect he has for his dad, now sadly passed, shows in every mention, and I am glad he had one parent he could look up to.

My friends mum. It sounds like an horrendous marriage and neither of them are particularly pleasant people. She left both sons with a violent father to go to OM, then went back two weeks later to get the two boys, Dad said she had to choose so she took my friend and left his brother. Brother joined them about 2-3 years later. OM had bedrooms waiting for both boys and kept the room for the younger brother until his got there. Both were difficult teens but 20 years later are happy and successful husbands and fathers themselves. Interestingly both sons have no relationship or interest in their father, polite but distant relationship with their mother and utterly adore their stepfather (ie OM) and treat him as if he was their dad. I think he was the first to love them unconditionally and treat them as welcome individuals instead of inconveniences. He is a lovely and kind man.

The person who brought about my birth did, even before then she didn’t deserve the title of mum or parent.

A colleague did, lovely woman with three children, she met someone else on a business trip, business trip ended on the Friday and she had moved to Germany on the monday (before brexit). She carried on working for the same company but from home, she had one child with her new partner, then met someone else on a business trip and moved to the States to live with him. We know she hasn’t seen the original three children since as her now ex husband was also a colleague.

I can get how due to poor mental health etc some people might bugger off for a few weeks, but I jusr can’t imagine never seeing our children again.

I know 2 cases where mum left without the kid. In both, the kid was around 11 years old.

1. the mum had an affair, upped and left, married the affair partner and left dad to raise their daughter. When the daughter became a mother herself she was terrible and neglectful, and as they grew up her own kids distanced themselves from her.

2. mum had had enough of her husband who was unreliable and disengaged. her head got turned and she left to be with the new man (again - she ended up marrying him). Dad was left to raise the child, but in truth the child virtually raised themself, latchkey kid with little guidance and left to their own devices. The child still has a good, loving relationship with both parents but realises that neither parent provided stability or prioritised their needs.

Well done your sister!!!

Yes, my mother did. She had an affair and when my dad found out she moved straight in with the OM. My brother and I stayed with my dad.

My Mum left when my sister and I were 12 and 15. She’d had an affair and eventually ended up moving to another city 2 hours away.

Growing up from then, I always felt it was just me and my sister. We were there for each other. We have our own families now and are still very close.

i suppose it depends on the relationship with their Dad? My Dad loved us I’m sure but very detached and probably ND. It was hard at times growing up without my Mum. We did see her on weekends but not that often and plans were often changed last minute.

i think she still feels guilty to this day (in her 70s now!) but I don’t hold it against her and we are close. I wouldn’t have wanted her to stay in an unhappy marriage just for us.

I can’t imagine leaving my own children. But luckily I have a choice and perhaps she felt like she didn’t.

I found it tough as a teenager and went off the rails a bit. Sorted my life out eventually though.

No child wants a miserable parent. That’s not good for anyone either.

My mum did this from her first marriage. I don't know a lot about it because it wasn't spoken about; I only found out in my teens that she had been married before and she told me her husband was violent and he and his family had money and she didn't so she had no choice, it would have been the seventies when benefits etc weren't as they are now. I try to be sympathetic to that, though as I got older and saw how my mum dealt with life stresses (very badly) I suspect that it wasn't as clear cut as she said.

What I find really sad, and baffling in terms of not talking about things, is she had no contact with her oldest child at all (we didn't know he existed, growing up) but he lived two streets away! It was a very small town and she worked in public facing jobs (local shops, pubs etc) so she would have bumped into her ex and her son regularly and as far as I know she just blanked them.

When my mum passed away I found lots of angry letters that her first son had written, mainly written from when he was in rehabs. I later found out that he'd died from a heroin overdose.

My cousins have their children more than the mum but the other parent is still involved and not left the kids behind in that sense.

Cousin 1. His wife left the family home. Kids were pre-teens/teens and stayed with the dad in the family home until the oldest moved.

Cousin 2. On paper they have 50/50 but my cousin moved from the family home and his ex stayed in their house until she met her new husband. The kids werr usually with dad cause mom has stuff come up qyite frequently. And she has 3 kids with her current husband so they prefere to be with dad cause it is less chaos.

Cousin 1. Mother of his first child wasn't cut out to be a mother and left (they were in a rental). She saw their child few times a year. He then went on to have more children with another woman and when they broke up the ex stayed in the family home (it was her house) and he left. They have 50/50 on paper but she has a lot going on so they kids are with my cousin a lot more and since he has moved within walking distance from the kids schools we are pretty sure they will spend a lot more time with dad.

My friend (now in her 30's) grew up with her dad. Her mum had a lot of mental helath issues and moved back to scotland and my friend and dad stayed in London. They would visit each other but there is defo daughter takes care of mum dynamics.

I only know of two cases (that i am aware of).

One was a friend of my parents. She married a man who spoiled the kids rotten and whenever she tried to assert some boundaries would ridiciule her and abuse her and basically taught the kids to do the same. She walked out on her oldest child's birthday and moved to New Zealand. They never heard from her again. (So, this was 40 years ago now).

Another is the partner of my BIL. She was never suited to parenthood and the marriage was troubled and when her husband got a job in the Far East she stayed behind and the Dcs went with him. She;s in her 70s now and sees her adult kids every few years maybe.

It's much more common for men to piss off and leave. I don't even recall the back stories of them, yet remember in sharp focus these two women.

Do you think women who do this are more harshly judged than men and why is that?

My ex-husband's mother walked out on her husband and 6 children - oldest child at the time was 17 and the youngest would have been about 5.

A man I used to work with - he and his wife were both on their second marriage and his wife had left behind a husband and a 6 year old child to be with him. There was some very limited and sporadic contact with the child after a while.

I knew a woman who fell pregnant,wanted a boy,had the baby and it was a girl

Her sister couldn't have babies so this woman 'sold' her dd to her sister for £200 (a lot of money in those days)

The girl grew up knowing her aunt was her mother and had a relationship of sorts with her 'aunt' (coming over for dinner,sleepovers and to see her 'cousins')

It all came to a head,years later when bio mum had 3 more dc (one being the prized boy) and the child asked her bio mother why she gave her up

The bio mother told her it was because she was a girl (she really wanted a boy) and that she 'wanted a life without being tied to you'

It sparked a row that was so bad,they've not spoken since (cant blame the poor lass)

The sister/non bio mother got involved and claimed bio mum had sold her baby for money and the child (now an adult) walked away from the lot of them and the sisters haven't spoken since

She was a shit mother to the 3 she kept-she was more bothered about having money for cigarettes and alcohol than she was about her dc

She's an even worse granny now they had dc of their own-she was incapable of putting any of them first

one dd gave her dc to their father and fled,never ro be seen again,the other co-parents his dc with the mother and the other two (the adopted child and the last child) refuse to have dc at all