Worried about GCSEs

[alevelbtec]

I can't sleep at night as worried about teen dd and her results. She failed all her mock exams except English. I want her to do A Levels and go on to University like most of my family but I don't think she will be able to. I am really panicking about her future. AIBU!? I think it's effecting me more, she pretends she's ok or maybe she isn't I don't know.

Don't 50% of small businesses fail full stop?

Anyway, I remember reading a study a few years back where they found that the average construction salary in the UK is £10k higher than the average graduate salary. And that young tradespeople get on the property ladder three years earlier than their peers on average. But the main point is that it's a lucrative path for people like myself that hate corporate culture. Having the qualifications alone isn't enough. You need to be the right type of person to not get stuck in middle management. Usually that involves getting bossed around by 'very important man' types who don't know how to wash up their own cups and plates after a meeting.

I love the freedom of knowing I could tell my employer to piss off tomorrow and I'd be working somewhere else next week. I always read the threads on here about passive aggressive bosses and awkward colleagues and think no way could I be doing with that bullshit. Having to worry about my 'professional image' etc. If I wanted to dye my hair pink/get a tattoo on my neck/get a nose ring tomorrow I wouldn't need to worry about whether it'd meet disapproval from a client base of middle aged men (although currently have no plans to do any of the above).

Either way, £60k and happy is better than £120k and stressed asf IMO. My BIL is the MD of a really big company. One of the biggest suppliers to Tesco. He was on at least £250k in his 30s as he invested wisely in stock options etc. He always looks stressed and has suffered insomnia for years. I wouldn't swap places.

'Reaching out' to Jeremy in accounts to see if he's got the bandwidth to circle back and run it up the flagpole. 🤮 I hate all that corporate bollocks.

Not poor actually. All doing well and successful. Got a young un soon to start a degree apprenticeship soon

My eldest is into his 3rd year of a degree apprenticeship at a blue chip tech company. Never needed tutoring.

Is this a surprise? How has she been doing in her end of school exams every other year up to now? What sets is she in? What were her flight path predicted grades?

If she’s expected to get 7+ and has randomly flunked you need to call the school and ask for a meeting and find out what’s going on.

If she’s only ever been aiming for 5s as a hope then this is her wake up call to get those 5s and for you as a family to start talking to her about plans and options post 16.

Don’t forget learning and HE is for life. My mum didn’t get her degree til she was in her 50s. Your DD might better suit working while younger and then studying again at a later age.

I worked as a bid manager for a medium sized but very niche solicitor for a brief while. The associates etc were on crazy money but they lived and breathed their work. Many of the trainees found it too much and didn't make the cut. There was a culture of cocaine use as well amongst the younger ones.

@MaIeficent absolutely agree with you.
I have friends who earn more than me, but work crazy hours, their children are in before and after school clubs, they rarely get to school events.

I earn a decent amount, we live in a nice house in a lovely area, but my 'luxury' is DH and I get to do all drop offs and pick ups 50:50. We have never missed a sports day, or match or nativity. I have earnt flexibility. No amount of money could replace that. My happiness is ny girls knowing I will always be there when they need me. Happiness is much more important than a 6 figure salary.

No offence but if she failed her mocks, she’s probably not cut out for medicine, law or engineering.

I think you need to adjust your expectations quite dramatically. I do hope you aren’t communicating all your feelings about it to your DD.

Poor poor girl

the weight of expectation on her to go to uni because the rest of the family did is awful.

What are her talents? What are her interests?

her results are not about you and your aspirations and expectations. They are about her.

not everyone in this world is going to be a high earner.

whatever the results - support her with next steps that she wants and that suit her learning style.

my kid is not academic. After getting a couple of GCSE’s She did a level 3 on a practical subject at 6th form college as A levels not a good progression for her.

She now works in that industry getting a job straight after college. she is now 21 - Not making millions but doing ok - she is so happy as she loves her job as it is practical and in an subject that she loves and is knowledgable about.

She Pays a fair rent to us to cover bed and board - we’re not fleecing her for money but helping her to learn that living and eating costs money. She has a lot of disposable income as living at home currently. She drives a car that she paid for and taxes and insures.

she Is practical and smart in so many ways but not a book smart person. Forcing her into uni would have made her so unhappy and put her and us into masses of debt and I doubt she would have passed a degree as just not her style of learning.

I am so proud that she has found such a worthwhile and happy path.

stop all the ‘can’t sleep’ for worry nonsense and start parenting and supporting the child you have in front of you rather than the ideal child you wish you had.

academia is not for everyone and forcing her into retakes and A levels if it’s just not right for her is going to make her so unhappy.

being a high earner is not the only marker of success in this world.

help your child be the best that she can be - to explore the things that bring her joy and play to her strengths rather than forcing her to fit the mould and to become deeply unhappy in the process.

I feel like we focus on education and associate it with success whilst some other cultures prioritise earnings. The two aren't necessarily synonymous. Having two masters degrees won't necessarily make you any richer than somebody with a wholesale business.

I know that Chinese culture often strongly prioritises studying (and by all accounts often does well) but I don't think that's as good a fit for a lot of western youths who have grown up focusing on things like self expression and identity. That kind of familial pressure would feel oppressive for many I think. And many don't want to listen to 'boomers'.

I know a fair few eastern european guys that have done very well on the trucking/heavy plant side. Whilst a lot of English guys seem happy to work their 50 hours and pocket their £50-60k the EE guys are always trying to lease another truck and get it franchised with the main contractor. Same with a lot of the Sikh guys I know. They all seem to have side businesses - my last boss had three trucks, a luxury bathrooms business, and a food wholesale company. He now has 20 trucks and has delegated much of the day to day running to other people. I always thought he was a fair bit older than me but he's only 34.

When I first moved here I wondered what all the Muslim guys driving around in M4s were doing as they didn't look like professional types but clearly had money. A lot of it seems to be wholesale and cash businesses. Owning three milkshake/ice cream shops etc.

I agree with most of the posts but I wish people would stop implying that apprenticeships are the ‘easy’ option. They are incredibly competitive to get into and some require many rounds of the application process. I’m not surprised some kids opt for uni, it’s less competitive. Kids who are less academic could get a place at a lower ranking uni with Cs at A level or a BTEC. Or even a RG uni, my dd got a place at Birmingham to do English with a triple BTEC in performing arts plus one A level at grade C.

Apprenticeships are great but with huge numbers applying for few places, what are less academic kids supposed to do?

I disagree with this. My son did loads better in his Alevels than his GCSE ‘s . He matured and was studying subjects he enjoyed.

Agree, AI or we're being goaded. There's no context or proper response to what 'failed' means. Perhaps its worry the DD won't get a full set of 9's. No parent who pays attention to their child's education only starts worrying at this point. She won't have any 6th form offers if she is truly predicted to do so badly.

You need to manage your expectations quickly and make sure you are in the mindset to be supportive on results day. My (intelligent) DD failed most of her GCSEs (has had a lot of mental health issues) and we were ready with a next step plan. She couldn’t stay at her school so went to a nice, small college and has done a level 2 UAL art course whilst retaking her maths and English this year. It has been a good year, she excelled in the art course, passed her maths and is waiting on her English result. She will go on to do a vocational Level 3 course next year and a year older, will be more ready. She still might go to Uni to do a creative subject, not sure yet. But I would encourage an apprenticeship if she can get one because I think they are more useful. I was very academic and went through an adjustment period where I had to really understand her difficulties and her strengths because I expected her to fly through school like I did until she became mentally ill. But I am so proud of her…proud of her for trying when things have been hard, proud of how creative she is and in awe of the artistic vision she has. You have to work with their strengths and also not make her feel less than if she has tried her best.

But if going straight into A Levels at 16 (as opposed to coming back as a mature student) you do need a basic level of knowledge and ability for the A Level to even be reasonably possible.

If you're coming in with 5 Level 2-3s (for example) at GCSE, then that's a lot of maturing over the summer to be able to get straight into A Level standard work.

My DC's school sixth form has a policy of supporting students who might be rejected elsewhere but even they expect a mininimum of 5s at GCSE for A Level subjects (maths/science need 6s). The students coming in with 5s are the ones that are struggling with the work and will end up with a low A Level grade. Which is, of course, perfectly fine for some students, but they should be going in with their eyes open.

I’m a teacher and occasionally see this in parents. They just seem to have blinkers on.

One case I remember clearly we were discussing reducing the number of GCSEs to secure level 4s in the core subjects. Mum was in tears saying how this would stop him going to uni and that this had never been raised before.

Which left us baffled as we had been having these conversations for years and primary school had them as well. Come GCSE results day she was still asking what Alevels he could take and if the school would accept him with lower than minimum grades. I wasn’t involved in those conversations but I know they were hard.

She just didn’t seem to be able to hold on to the information that her son wasn’t living up to her expectations.

great earning potential such as the more traditional Dr, Lawyer, Engineer, Architect

”Traditional” is right. Any industry that rests on primarily verbal and written interaction is about to be decimated by AI. You’re living in the past, both WRT your own family values and the wider economy. Encourage your daughter to do what she loves.

What were her predicted grades? Has she got any conditional offers for 6th form to do A levels, BTECs etc?
You need to adapt your thinking about the paths available to her as uni is only one of several. She’ll be ok, she’s likely just suited to a different path into a career than A-levels - uni from 16 to 21.

You can't change or have any control over this and for yourself and your daughter you need to accept and make peace with this. IF she hasn't done as well as you want her to, maybe she's done better than SHE was expecting and needs celebrating. If she is upset by results then be her parent and support, console, be upbeat and help her explore the options she wants to do and NOT what YOU want her to do. It's her life and not all people are academic, so what if all your family have gone ro uni, she doesn't have to. I went and I can honestly say most people from school who didn't go to uni are ahead of me career wise and financially and always have been because at the end of the day I am doing something I didn't need to go to uni for and guess what? I bloody love my job. I've just helped hire three 15/16 year old apprentices to work with SEN children, son there are options out there outside of staying in school.

Based on my personal experience of the Indian parent mindset there is a huge issue that you may end up with a highly qualified child with zero self esteem, self confidence or social skills, all of which have a negative experience on their future life chances.

There is also IME a confusion between "education" being synonymous with "getting high exam results and following a specific education path" and "being highly educated" being synonymous with "having a very well paid job". Making these equivalences without nuance is unhelpful IMO.

Education has historically been the way for children to break away from poverty and deprived backgrounds. The Indian families putting high pressure on their children are very often not now in this category - they are very well qualified, knowledgeable people in professional jobs. Their children have other ways of achieving well, without following a very rigid academic path.

The highest earner I know did an apprenticeship rather than uni.
There are many unemployed graduates.
Uni is no longer a guaranteed route into well paid employment.
I will be pushing my daughter towards an apprenticeship when she is old enough (albeit a degree level one) Employers in the modern world value real work experience over a university degree and there are very few jobs where an apprenticeship isn’t an option.

My youngest will be starting a degree apprenticeship soon as well. In finance. I feel I was too harsh in my first approach. There are many alternative pathways, but why not get a solid footing with some good GCSEs.

Because not all students can! Lots of different reasons, some might have undiagnosed learning difficulties, some might not have the aptitude for GCSEs, some might have other stuff going on in their lives.

GCSEs, and other academic qualifications, test a certain type of skills. Not everyone has these skills or be able to acquire them. Some might come back to them later in life and be able to pick them up then.

There are lots of careers that don’t need these skills. They are not less than careers just different. I am very academic but I know I could not drive a massive dumper truck - my spatial awareness is not good enough. I could also not be a fine craft persons as my fine motor skills are not great.

Our society is set up to place some skills are higher than others, especially in status if not in pay. Someone able to drive specialised heavy machinery can easily out earn me as a teacher for all my academic qualifications.

Maths is a good skill to have. Especially for technical/engineering apprentices. Passing GCSEs and getting 4s isn't all that difficult

Why does she need to go to Uni in your eyes? Especially nowadays when it’s basically a rip off unless she wants a specific career e.g. medicine or law I wouldn’t bother

No one is saying getting GCSE isn’t a good thing. Of course the vast majority of parents want their children to get grade 4 and above, especially in the core subjects.

For some getting a 4 IS difficult! That is why a lot of students don’t get it. Around 30% of student do not get a grade 4 on their first try.