Stepchild wants to see finances and money spent on his stepsiblings.

[Greenhairedmonstor]

My late FiL who I never met, left school at 15, fell into the right crowd while he was doing a labouring job and ended up with a little empire.

There is something in place that is not quite a trust. It allows SiL to choose to live frugally without working, and has enabled my husband and his brothers an income which supplements their incomes.

Their children will benefit after their parents’ deaths when whatever is in place will be dissolved.

My husband has his own business as well.

My stepchild is 18 and will go to university next month. I also have another stepchild who is 13.

The eldest has asked that now that they are an adult that they want to look at my husband’s finances. Essentially they want an account of any money that is spent on my children and they wanted my husband’s estate to be reimbursed from my share of the house when he dies.

Now Mumsnet always asks, no I was not the other woman, my ex meets more than his share of his financial responsibilities and I also work and rent out a house that I own in my home country that I will eventually return to. Husband’s ex is comfortable and I don’t believe this has come from her.

Inevitably my husband subsidises our life.

This has been a bitter blow to my husband and he doesn’t see how his relationship with his child(ren) will recover.

But the ex wife seems to regard all spending - no matter the source - not just income from the trust as taking away from her children.

Stepson is asking for any and all spending on OP and her kids to be deducted from his father’s whole estate - completely ignoring that OP and her DH are a married couple sharing finances - both working.

Now if the OP comes back and shares that the step kids have been denied ski trips and other treats that the OP’s kids are getting that’s a different story.

There obviously a lot more to this and a backstory that you have chosen to omit.

Your husband should be clear with his children how this thing works and how it will help them out in the future. That’s what grownup do.

I don’t understand what you mean about the house really but obviously your husband should want his share of the house to go to his children.

I think they are worried you are a gold digger.

There’s absolutely no way your husband should fall out with him children about this and if you’re decent, you’ll stay right out of it.

But the ex wife seems to regard all spending - no matter the source - not just income from the trust as taking away from her children.

Yes, well that is going too far.

But I can see how the bio mum and DSS might resent proceeds from his grandfather's estate going to unrelated dc. What his father earns is different.

However, no way would I be benefitting from this and then badmouthing the DSS for asking about it.

"We don't even know what the "not-a-trust" is exactly."

True, but I would guess that it may be a Family Investment Company, perhaps with the shares contained within an immediate post-death interest trust. Or some sort of similar arrangement.

"But this portion of the father's estate is an inherited portion; that's different from what he earned."

I think that you might perhaps misunderstand the situation?

The income that the father derives from the estate cannot be inherited in any way and does not form any part of his estate. The right to any income dies when he dies.

The income is not inherited by his children. Instead, once all of the children have passed away then the capital is then inherited by the grandchildren (according to what the OP has said).

Actually wouldn't the logical conclusion just be to the extent of the value of what the father receives from the family inheritance/Grandfather's estate? Which I don't find as unreasonable as some others seem to.

The grandfather did the paternal thing and passed it down to the OP's DH.

Your DH needs to explain calmly to his DS that there must be no more questions about who has paid for what. That stops now. It is not his business whether your DH pays for his step siblings school trip, buys himself a Rolex or books a top cabin on a cruise. None of his business.

He could remind his DS that if there is any more of this he will require him to produce a full list of what he has spent at uni for your DH to carefully scrutinise and approve - before he gets any money for the following term. Would he like that? No? Well he should have a think about what he’s demanding.

No I don't misunderstand. I am saying that income is only arising for the DH because his father provided for it.

It is also possible it is a case of the corpus for the grandchildren and an annuity for the children.

He's just out of short trousers!
It's none of your step child's business what a married couple spend their money on.

I'd be telling him it's all going to the dogs home. Grabby arse.
Best get himself a education and a job.

I think the DSS is unreasonable, but it must be really hard when your parent chooses to support someone elses kids. Its probably not really about the money & more the emotional side of it, that Dad is committing/dedicating a lot to you & your kids.

I think this is the empathetic response to the issue.

I highly doubt this is actually about the money, there will be a perceived unfairness that is just easier to attribute to money. Your husband needs to understand the root cause and address that. Saying he spends time with them and pays for them is glossing over it, there is always an imbalance somewhere in blended families so it’s just a question of finding it.

The distinction is that this is DHs money now, whereas DSS is eyeing up someone else's.

Did the grandfather ever mentioned to the grandchildren that there is money for their education, such as university? Stepchild may have misunderstood and maybe not know much financial skills at this age thought he was due XX amount.

Sorry but I cannot imagine prioritising someone else’s kids over my own kids. This is so sad.

And im sure op you wouldn’t either.

and “never have a relationship” seriously? He is a dumb 18 year old kid. This comment tells me this man relationship with his son was already bad. If he so quick to cut off his own flesh and blood

I feel like you are leaving out a lot of info.

@Greenhairedmonstor

OK, let me be sure I have the facts straight.

'The Inheritance' (TI) as it is now is in actuality 'FiL's Legacy' (FL) that FiL bequeathed to his children (DH & siblings). It is set up in such a way that they cannot (or have agreed not to) touch 'the principal'. They split the income. Ipso Facto TI that is based on FL is NOT being depleted in any way. When none of FiL's children are living FL will be 'dissolved' and split between the next generation (step-bros and their cousins). Do I have this right or is it that when a child of FiL dies, their share of the income passes to their children until the last sibling dies then it is dissolved?

If so then your DH is not spending TI in any way, shape, or form on himself, you, his 2 DC, or your DC. He is spending his share of the income on the aforementioned people. That income is his alone to do what he chooses with.

Now, I'm not saying DH owes his eldest an explanation of jack shit. But, if he feels he wants to offer something more than just 'fuck off you ungrateful child', then he might explain the above and tell him that TI is in no way being 'diminished' and his share will pass to him intact. If he still wants a financial breakdown and a promise that 'whatever he thinks is due him' will be taken from your share of the house, then DH can tell him to 'do one' with a clear conscience.

Personally, I don't know who, but someone has put this into DSS's head. Maybe not recently, but at some point in the past.

Does the step son enjoy the same quality of life as you and your children? I know you say your husband supports them...but is that 'CMS and no more', or the same level of holidays, comfort/luxury etc?

What an entitled little shit

So if I have this right @Greenhairedmonstor, the set up is something like this.. Grandfather had an asset for example a business that generates a profit. That provides all his children with an income . Maybe not a business maybe just a significant investment. Nonetheless it provides all his kids with an income in equal shares. Some choose not to work and live a more frugal life on the income. Some use it to top up their salaries. All in all - how each child spends it is up to them. So if one wants to buy a yacht, another wants to take their wife and her kids on holiday or buy them a pony , then that is entirely their right. No strings. Then when a child dies. The asset or a proportion of the asset is sold and the capital raised from the sale is divided between the grandchildren. ?
If that is correct then there is no possible reason why he has any right to know the ins and outs of his father’s finances .

Does he have pure simple jealousy ? That his dad lives with other kids ? I’m assuming he has never wanted for anything. Except his lesser time with his father ? If so then I’m sorry but that’s the way the cookie crumbles when your parents divorce. He needs to find a grip and grab hold of it.. and his dad needs to sit him down and explain that he is a very privileged young man.

Well the inheritance from the FIL is not being depleted.

The only money being spent is income (whatever the source).

So if the argument is that income can only be spent on the husband’s children then that is obviously unduly restrictive.

But everything outside of the trust can be given to whomever he wishes.

and depending on what the trust says he may be able to drain a whole bunch of it, in which case there could be very little left 🤷‍♀️

anyway it changes nothing, money is not his and he needs to stop being an entitled brat. Maybe look after himself and his own future and stop thinking about what he could inherit…the rest of the world has to work hard

Yes my dad got remarried and lived with new wife and her son.
As a teenager I didn’t want to spend a lot of time with my dad, but neither did I want another child living with him seven days a week. Illogical I know but emotions often are.
Fortunately my dad didn’t have a lot of money, but every ice cream he bought for stepbrother was one he couldn’t buy for me. God knows what I would have thought about an expensive ski trip.

The more you look at it, this has got absolutely nothing to do with what the grandfather has left to the grandchildren, because that's ring fenced to be untouched until the dad and his siblings die.

This is about a grabby 18yr old wanting anything not spent on him and his sister, by the dad, as some kind of "add back" to his dad's bank balance when his dad dies.

If the step child gets a £600 laptop, this is "unacceptable" for his dad to have bought it, and the stepchild's mother should reimburse the £600 on her husbands death, as cash for the "real" child to inherit.

What a nasty, greedy little prick. The dad must be so embarrassed.

The assets that generate an income, a quarter of which my husband benefits from, will be sold on the death of my husband and siblings.

I don't get this bit. There could be 30 years between the first and last sibling dying.

very interesting how when mumsnetters make threads about being step parents and financially supporting their stepkids and inheritances most replies are they should put their own dc first

Your husband needs to tell his son to wind his neck in. His finances are nothing to do with his son. I'd be fuming.